L's Diary
by Minikimii
Summary: L needs a successor soon. He let his personal feelings interfere with the investigation, and his diary was no longer a place to keep track of his cases and observations. It was a filled with Raito. Yaoi LxRaitoxL
1. Entry One

Disclaimer: Death Note belongs to Ohba and Obata. Say otherwise and they'll release the hounds.  
(**EDIT:** Updated 12-13-08)

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Dear Diary,

This is L speaking once again. Due to the recent circumstances, I have decided that it is time I take the inevitable step needed in order to solve this case. I am to stake my life on the Kira case.

Kira. What are you? As the individual whom has pique my interest, taken care of my monotonous boredom, you are the object I search for. This game you play, molding and perfecting Earth to your liking, to what you judge as 'right' is in vain. I will find you. I will find you to show you that right and wrong are moot. No such thing as "judgment" exists and the life of human beings are precious when in action and simply meaningless after death. Afterlife is but a dream created by humans fearing death. I play your game to show and to teach. You are ignorant and I will cure you.

The NPA is as incapable as ever. There were an excess amount of members on the Task Force, increasing the risk of information leaking out to the general public. As of today the Kira Task Force has nearly disbanded. However, I am about to meet with what is left of the Police Agency's Task Force in a hotel room. I do believe 98 percent that this is a step in the right direction. To show my face is to risk my life. I instructed Watari to contact Roger Last week to search for the students of the House that have the most potential to be L. I spoke with the children and most particularly noticed two boys in the background. An angry looking blond and a bored child in white, worn pajamas have been chosen as my successors. They did things that interested them and simply sat and observed. Later, I was informed their names were "Mello" and "Near" repectively. I spoke to them for the first time yesterday after writing in this journal. Conversing with children for the first time since I met that young red-haired boy last year has been enlightening to say the least.

My impression of Near was quite close to being unimpressive. At first glance, he is emotionless and seems to only amuse himself with games, but when one looks closer, he is seen as the boy who tries to make something of simple objects. His hands were built for creation... and deception. Nimble and lithe, I know those are the hands that are skilled in picking locks and undo puzzles, such as the contraption locking the set of playing cards he had with him. I had placed that deck inside the small wooden box hidden beneath the toy chest in the play room years ago. From watching him build his card tower, I can see that his reflexes are sharp, able to pick up parts of his creation before they fall and destroy the whole, a skill much needed.  
The other boy, Mello, still believes in the justice of wrong and right, something he needs to soon realize is non-existent. I am relieved, however, by how impulsive he is. Although being impulsive is normally a trait to be scorned, he only comes to a conclusion after having acquired more than adequate information. Action is taken the moment he receives the last bit of information. However, his quick-to-anger personality could serve as a problem. His social skills are inept, to say the least, and need to be developed as to take off the edge in his character. In addition to his temper, he idolizes me and that is something that must be changed.

Instead of having these two compete for my title like I had originally planned, I have told them that they are to work together. Mello's quick action added to Near's calm and objective observations will make for the nearly perfect team. They, together, shall be my somewhat dysfunctional successors. I am slightly worried for what would happen if my death were to come too soon. They are not yet ready to take on the L title. Although I have chosen Mello and Near for their skills, their maturity poses as an issue. Regardless of what the outcome is, it is too late to regret this choice, for they are to become me in my absence.

I have given the instruction to the officers. At the present moment, it is safe to assume that they are heading toward this room. It is only a matter of minutes before, for the first time in a year, I will have had face to face contact with anyone beside Watari; the first time I will have been seen by any member of the public face to face in a year.

Times like these are when I truly begin to question my sanity.

_L_

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These entries will eventually include portions of the real world, so the entire thing will not be Journal Entries. I hope the re-readers enjoyed this rewrite!

_Je t'aime beaucoup! ~Minikimii_

P.S. I apologize for any readers offended by L's second paragraph.


	2. Entry Two

Disclaimer: Posting on this site implies that the characters and setting are not mine. Or that I'm an idiot that didn't realize original stories belong on fictionpress. But I'm not _that_ stupid. Heh.  
(**EDIT:** Updated 12-13-08)

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Dear Diary,

I do not regret asking to join forces with the Task Force. If anything, I am grateful that I have joined forces with these five, for the extension of eyes and ears in this case are eternally welcome. I doubt they are truly comfortable with placing their lives in my hands now, simply because I have yet to trust them.

Mogi is quiet and stern. He appears to be the type that follows orders to the finest point yet knows when to defy his superiors. When he does choose his own course of action, I am sure that he will be one to act discreetly and never alone. He may be confident, but he does not strike me as the type of person who would risk his skin for his own sake. He cannot work alone and he knows that. He is more likely to be recruited into a group instead of doing the recruiting.  
Ukita is your average cop. As of this moment, he has no remarkable traits to speak of.  
Aizawa is reluctant. I can see that he is a thinking individual who questions authority. His questioning mind is something i hope with come in handy though, because when he decides that I am trustworthy, then I can be assured that the rest of the Task Force must feel the same. He is the last one in a crowd to decide that the leader is someone who deserves to be followed.  
Matsuda is spacey. He does not give off the air of an officer, but rather someone who stumbles their way into the academy and somehow makes it out and gets a job with the police. I have a slight weakness for individuals such as him. People with his kind of childish optimism 'bring light into the world' if I may speak plainly. Matsuda seems to be the person that I may observe to see reactions that mirror the belief of the general public. He believes in justice and that blinds him.  
Yagami-san is probably the only one of them I feel comfortable with. He is the one whose trust I would most like to earn. Like the spacey one, he too believes in justice. However, he seems to question it at the same time. What is the validity of justice in its most 'pure' form. I am sure that he has drawn a line where the act of death to pay for atrocious crimes become a crime in itself.

This is all speculation though, and I have yet to truly see what these officers are capable of. If I want to gain the confidence of the entire Task Force, I must focus on one member at a time while simultaneously proving myself to the other officers. However much I would like to avoid stressful confrontation with my fellow members, I dislike my affiliation with the police because it severely limits my means of data collection. The amount of information my usual methods of... 'deduction' acquire will be difficult to achieve. Human laws are such troublesome things.  
Because of Raye Penbar's death, I will be forced to invade the privacy of Yagami-san's home. This action shall not be in vain.

One particular member of the household interests me: Yagami Raito. To put it quite simply, he is too perfect. There must be a flaw in his character. Someone such as him has something to hide. He must have a quirk or quality that off sets his model-student-esque air. He might make for an interesting challenge.

I contacted the House once more today through the web cam and speaker. Although I took time to speak with Near and Mello, they are not the individuals who captured my attention. Midway through our conversation today, a certain redheaded boy entered the room without regards to our privacy, looking for Mello. My initial analysis of the blond had been disproved. The moment the redhead stepped into the room, Mello's eyes lit up in a certain giddy excitement and showed more emotion than I had seen him get worked up over Near with. The expression quickly left his face though, and he became detached and, not cold, but lukewarm.  
I should have been focusing more on the two boys who are to take my place, but instead my eyes followed the redhead across the screen. A vest-like top with a striped, long-sleeved shirt layered beneath and a pair of goggles hanging around his neck... He had an undeniable air of familiarity about him. He carried three mugs of what I assumed was hot chocolate and passed one each to Mello and Near. Again, Mello's expression brightened, perhaps from the chocolate, perhaps from the redhead, but that was not my focus (and nor was the fact that I was currently sipping my own cup of hot chocolate, but that is beside the point). The redhead suddenly realized that they were busy though, and turned to the screen. I saw his gentle expression turn into one of sudden recognition. It was as if he had realized who I was and remembered something, because he smirked and nodded slightly at me through the camera.

I have seen that third boy somewhere before. If only I could remember him... perhaps I should ask Mello?

_L_

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For those of you coming back and to read the updated versions of these chapters, I hope you leave a review. I'd like to know how you think of the re-write entries versus the old entries.

_Je t'aime beaucoup! Minikimii_


	3. Entry Three

Disclaimer: The same rules should still apply. And I still don't own Mello or Matt...

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Dear Diary,

I am positive that Kira is part of Yagami-san's family. His son, Yagami Raito, has the highest chance of being Kira. Based on Kira's actions, I have come to the conclusion that he is an older teenager ranging from the age of 15 to 19 who still believes in the concept of justice and divine punishment. He must be someone who is self-empowered and intelligent, willing to act and certain in his actions. My conclusions led me to believe that Yagami Raito has the highest chance of being Kira. I followed him through his college exams and confronted him today during the ceremony. I hope this was not too rash of a decision, but I told him I was L. If I am to die in the next week, it secures solid evidence that Yagami-kun is Kira. Watari has been informed of this detail and if any objection to this logic should arise, then I suppose they would fidn this diary sooner of later and it would sort out the problem.  
I am planning on challenging him to a tennis match? Watari did enough research to help me conclude that he is indeed an expert player, having won first place in a major competition a few years back. Of course, that was when he was in middle school. However, if I am not mistaken, he is still known to be quite a campus athlete and he certainly looks the part.

After speaking with Mello and Near once more, I have decided that those two are hopeless cases in the aspect of social skills. Mello proved me wrong as he informed (at my request for an answer) that the redhead from last time was his best friend, Matt. Some may call this wrong of me to do, but I am considering offering the co-position of successor to include the him. He obviously shows the ability to blend with nearly  
Hearing - or reading - that name brings back memories of the last year. I realized that the boy who had intruded on our conversation last time was the boy I met last year in the room behind the clock of the south tower. Reminiscing is something I hesitate to do, but this memory, for once, is an amusing one. Cheerful, even, some might say.

I remember how I had returned to the house at midnight last year on Halloween. The kids were running about, some of them no doubt causing mischief and other such childish things. I had taken the back pathway to the House's tower and settled there, taking my usual bunk after setting up my equipment and having a fourth of a cake brought to me. It was three hours past midnight when he found me. Signs of a second party were obvious as my bedsheets were made perfectly when I had returned and the room was dust-free. Simply dismissing this as one of Watari's various acts of partial hospitality was my mistake.  
Face to face with a fourteen year old boy. He had a semi-startled look on his face, as if he was not expecting anyone to be up here at three in the morning. I was afraid he was going to call out intruder to the entire house, resulting in me having to move to one of my seven other locations at the House, but instead he walked over to my bed and sat down. Without asking who I was, he simply began talking to me, asking me various questions wonder how I had come across this room and when I got there. He asked me if anyone else was with me and what my motives were. To every question, I responded with wary honesty, careful not to give up my true identity. Admittedly, he frightened me slightly with his easy acceptance and non-intrusive demeanor.  
I believe we had spent the entire early morning talking about how we were doing. He opened up quite easily, saying that "it's easy to tell things to a stranger. You feel like they won't judge" and told me about how he came to the House and how he met the love of his life. Being age fourteen, he had said he was not sure that the feeling was considered love, but he had told me that he could never stop thinking about his love at every waking moment. That statement was made evident by his actions and speech. When I asked him to tell me about his love, he told me of the chocolate addiction and the love of fire, of the sweet scent that lingered on his love's skin and long, blond hair. I had believed that his love was female, truly, seeing as heterosexuality is a social norm, but instead, I was surprised to find that his love was male. Personally, I have no preference. Love is a bothersome, blinding thing that distracts and limits. Regardless, of my personal preference, we discussed his love. Although I am not well-practiced in that area, I offered my sympathy. I would have liked to offer empathy, but it would have been a lie.  
I remember it was five hours after midnight when we had finished conversing. We both blinked to the mirrored window and watched the sun rise together, marveling at the time we had spent that day. His eyes were drooping and it was obvious that he would not be able to make it through is Friday classes, so I called for him to be allowed to skip them. When I told him I was to do that for him, he gave me a strange look as if I were insane. Although he did not ask for me to reveal my identity, I told him who I was. A smile had spread across his face and he informed me that he had come to that conclusion half an hour into our discussion and was wondering if I was going to confirm his inference or not. I smiled back at him that day, an expression I rarely make, and said something completely out of character. I told him he was welcome to speak to me whenever he wished, as ling as he kept it private. I knew those last few words were unnecessary, but I spoke them for good measure and he knew that.  
When this whole ordeal with Kira appearing had started, I had already lost touch with him. Having to move about the House's various hidden rooms once every week and a half made it difficult to speak with him after moving. Sadly, he only knew of one more of my hiding spots and chanced upon seeing me as I was only three days away from moving once more.

Truth be told, I was sure I would never see him again. Seeing him once more in the camera would be rather enjoyable. I wish to speak to him alone and to learn more of him.

_L_

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Thanks for reading! I promise it will get better. If you can't stand reading through all of these entries, then I grant you permission to skip ahead to Chapter 8 after this next coming entry. However, I feel as though it is necessary to read these entries to understand the motivation behind L's actions.

_Je t'aime beaucoup! ~Minikimii_

P.S. I just realized the scene mentioned about Matt and L meeting greatly resembles one of the most important conversations of my life that I had with a complete stranger about two months ago._  
_


	4. Entry Four

Disclaimer: If I owned Death Note, Matt and Mello would be mine. We'd live in a gingerbread house with licorice people and lollipop trees.  
(**EDIT:** Updated 01-17-08)

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Dear Diary,  
Yagami-kun is under suspicion of being Kira. It's positive. He moves too carefully and too on the spot, especially with the coffee shop incident. The entire time I sat there, it felt as though we were rehearsing off a script of a play. His deduction skills are equal to my own. He, too, had come to the conclusion of Kira being an affluent child. "The problem with the privileged" as he seemed to want to call it. The precision of his guesswork is astounding. Inferences as similar to mine as his are is simply unheard of. I found myself watching him the entire time, closely enough to smolder and amoeba. How can he be innocent and still have this high level of deduction skills and reasoning? Most teenage boys do not have this kind of logic and this thought process is exactly what I think is needed in this case. I am sure that he has been following the investigation with a close eye. I fear that perhaps Yagami-san has leaked confidential knowledge of this case to his family. Something about the chief's character tells me that he hates to lie and especially to his family. This could be a potentially dangerous weakness. If Raito is Kira, then he would be able to take advantage of this and gain the upper hand.  
On second thought, maybe Raito is not Kira? He could just be equal to my capabilities in thought processing and evidence evaluating. After all, we both scored a perfect 100 on the entrance exams. That is nearly unheard of amongst the young, for someone to score so well on every test he takes and in every class he in enrolled. Watari checked his schoool records. Model student. Too perfect. If anything, I hate his perfection. People like him make people like me become those who are looked down upon in society. There is more than one reason to hide my face, even if the majority of them are not personal, the representative letter is enough protection - enough of a shield - for me.

Regardless of my speculations, I have asked him to join the Task Force. He is to join only after his father recovers from the heart attack. Yagami-san's wife had thought of Kira being behind this and that is plausible. However, Yagami-kun believe Kira was responsible as well. I do not believe the heart attack was related to Kira, because if it were, Yagami-san would be dead. With an I.Q. like his, Yagami-kun should have been able to deduct that the heart attack was not the result of a Kira attack, but simply something natural (a medical condition, perhaps).  
Conclusion: I would like to keep personal surveillance on Yagami Raito. However difficult it may be, I am sure it is standable.

In a lighter note, I contacted the House again today. As usual, Near spoke very little. I could simply watched him nod yes with that bored, blank expression on his face. This time, he brought with him a pure white puzzle with my letter written in at the top in fancy black calligraphy. I remembered Matt mentioning Near's puzzle before in that brief period of companionship a year ago, saying that it was part of an art class that was offered at the House. They had an assignment to create various types of puzzles and interchange certain, identical pieces with that of another puzzle. It was a strange assignment that most kids took for fun, but Near did it because some girl named Linda asked him to. I wonder if Near is easy to push around, because he appears to be able to come off as both cold and gullible.  
Then Mello. That boy speaks to me like I am a god to be worshiped. When he and I converse, Near simply slips out of the room. I do not try to stop him, for if I did, I fear that I would be infringing on his free will to leave. When speaking alone with Mello, he shows me that he is a bright young boy. With Near's absence, he seems to become more relaxed and likable. Form the way he forms his responses, it is obvious that he reveres me as someone to be placed atop a pedestal and bowed down to repeatedly until the bowing snaps a human body in half like a twig. When I ask him about how he is doing, he simply scowls and brings up the subject of Near. His mind is constantly filled with thoughts of wanting to best the other boy. If he would realize that he is brilliant and does not need to try outdoing Near at every angle possible, then he would be a most fitting successor. I hope that by speaking with him directly, I can help remedy this prevalent kink in his personality.

Lastly, I spoke with Matt. Being the only of the three that can make me smile at a whim, it is expected that he is also the most normal of them all. When I speak with him, it is as though we are equals and never left that room behind the south tower. I would place him as my first successor if it were not for his obvious disinterest in solving crimes. He sits around all day playing games, but I do not disapprove, because it has dramatically increased his refelxes and hacking capabilities. It is strange, really, how he sees everything as a game. After all, he told me that was the way he figured that there were secret rooms in the House. He managed to hack the records that Roger keeps of the House's utilities and mathematically calculated the energy used and saw the the figures were inconsistent. Then he traced the blip in the system back to two of the six or seven places I use in the House as a getaway.  
Ingenious, I suppose, but he only accomplishes things by setting strange tasks for himself to complete. He had never intended on finding the rooms, he said, but it had happened and he loved the room behind the south tower. If only he give his studies more effort and become more motivated, he would undoubtedly be able to surpass Near. Maybe if some of his relaxing influence would rub off on to Mello then the boy would not be absolutely obsessive over being number one. Considering that the two are always together, it would not be too bad if Mello's hard-working mindset influenced Matt. It is bound to happen eventually. They are practically joined at the hip. It is as though Matt would do anything for Mello and only Mello. I suppose finding you love makes you do illogical things. Matt's words, not mine.

Memories of him are begiing to return to me. I try my best to block out these unwanted visions, yet my mind simply does not want to forget. How is it that suddenly this case must remind me of the past? Am I subject to a haunting by these memories for eternity? Have I been cursed to forever recall those long nights of restlessness before I had truly become accustomed to my insomnia? The last time I allowed memories concerning him to resurface was when I had told Matt of him so long ago.

L

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Reviews would be greatly appreciated!!

_Je t'aime beaucoup! ~Minikimii  
_


	5. Entry Five

Disclaimer: Death Note is not mine. No matter how many times I asked Santa to bring me the rights, he never ever _ever **ever **_came through!! Is it because I'm not religious?  
(**EDIT:** Updated 12-13-08)

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Dear Diary,

Something strange has been going on and I have not been able to write for too many days. Yes, I am aware that those are a boring and cliché selection of words, but it is most definitely the precise truth.  
Sakura TV received a series of tapes claiming to be from Kira. Public figures were killed on television for speaking badly of Kira. Long story short, we have acquired the tapes, Yagami-san is out of the hospital, and we lost Ukita. He had merely stepped in front of the sliding doors of Sakura station when he suddenly collapsed. Heart attack, of course. It was quite unfortunate, seeing as how he was truly a brave (yet somewhat rash) member of the force. He died in the line of duty and this is one more death that Kira shall pay for. Although I do not believe in "justice" and I know there is a gray line between what is percieved to be good and bad, I believe that the wrongful death of a human being is unacceptable, especially when that human is trying to protect others.  
The behavior of Kira in this event was off. He killed well-known innocents to prove his identity to the public, a move that could have terrified the masses. This quick action was quite uncharacteristic of him. Kira thinks out the ramifications of his actions. This killing was too messy, flamboyant, and dramatic. In addition, the quality of the tapes were too amateurish to have been from the real Kira. They were scratchy and fingerprints were left on the packaging. I have come to the conclusion that this was not Kira, but in fact a mimic. A Second Kira. The mere thought of someone even wanting to copy, to idolize a psychopath like him is frightening. This someone seems to share Kira's method of killing, which makes it all the more dangerous. If there is one Kira idolizer who has gone to the public, I am sure that there are more. As in any group, the one who stand out is the one who acts the most. The one who makes the most action does not usually define a group, but in this case, Kira has a group of emulators and who whose methods are either similar to Kira's or greater. It appears as though he is gaining support and the majority of his supporters are just in hiding. As unnecessary as it is to write these words: this does not bode well.  
I have decided to use this opportunity to bring Yagami-kun fully into the investigation. I am sure that his constant insight to the current situation will mirror my own. He is, after all, my equal. There is the constant danger in including him in this investigation, for in my mind, he continues to be the most likely suspect. I do not like thinking that he is my enemy when him and I have begun to speak with each other more frequently. In fact, the two of us had lunch together today at the Task For base. Instead of eating, I found myself watching him simply breathe today as he sat beside me at the Task Force base. He inhales and exhales with a purposeful vigor, occasionally taking the time to make deep breaths and rid himself of the old, unused air in his lungs.

Contacted the House. I do not feel that I have the energy to elaborate on that visit, so I will simply summarize. Near was quiet, yet curious. Mello was loud, but worried. Matt was contemplative and told me I needed to sleep before I keeled over and died from exhaustion. I will heed his recommendation of sleep and take to the bed as quickly as possible. My legs are beginning to feel cramped at this desk.

For the first time in days, I am sure that my body is in need of sleep. Will the mind ever rest? Insomnia does not treat me kindly.

L

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So I love the fact that I'm re-writing this. it gives me a sense of satisfaction, now that I know I've created something I'm satisfied with.

_Je t'aime beaucoup! ~Minikimii_

P.S. I simply love reviews. Write one for me please? Especially the people who have been re-reading with me. I want to know what you think about the new stuff!


	6. Entry Six

Disclaimer: If I had the rights to Death Note, Misa would have fallen off a cliff in the first panel and L and Raito would spend the majority of the book gettin' frisky. Mello and Matt would have their own yaoi spinoff manga too.  
(**EDIT:** Updated 12-14-08)

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Dear Diary,

As I suspected, Yagami-kun came to same conclusions I did regarding the case and has agreed to join the Kira Task Force. When I realized today that I would be seeing him more frequently, I felt something in my chest flutter slightly.  
The evidence had received some sort of diary entry from Sakura T.V. It appeared to be from the fake Kira and a message to the real Kira regarding where to meet. After some deliberation, we decided to allow for Yagami-kun and Matsuda to visit Aoyama. Because of the recent developments, Kira and Second Kira may have potentially joined forces. I fear that if the two of them are working as a team, then their combines power and numbers may be harder for me to track. However, with more people in on a crime, the more mistakes each other them will make now that they have to both cover themselves and each other.  
I wonder when the teaming up happened. Could it have taken place when Matsuda and Yagami-kun when to Aoyama? Perhaps. But if Yagami-kun had been Kira, then how could the Second Kira have identified him? They were in a large group and Matsuda was keeping surveillance on Yagami-kun for me. He may have have missed something, but any strange activity would have to be major for the two of them to meet if they had not seen one another before Aoyama. Then again, by sending Matsuda, we might have missed the abnormal behavior or tip offs. I cannot be sure of Matsuda's skill, for he is still the only one who has not truly shown what he is capable of. And of capabilities, I know Yagami-kun is capable of coming up with a way to meet the Second Kira without being noticed. I cannot under-estimate this suspect, simply because he is younger than me. That is why I have Mogi trailing him to school when I can not personally show up.  
The line between friend and suspect is becoming quite thin. If anything, Yagami-kun is my first ever friend that is my age. I keep telling myself "Yagami Raito is Kira but Yagami Raito is my friend," so that maybe I may find some middle ground for to setup camp and stay. There is evidence supporting thie hypothesis of Yagami-kun being Kira. That is why I have to be close to him. That is why he will not such things as this. It is too hard to get him out of my mind. That's why...  
It is May. The weather is starting to hot and I suppose Yagami-kun and I canno't play tennis as frequently without getting exposed to the sunlight. Sun lotion irritates my skin and I burn far too easily to be able to stay outside for prolonged periods of time. What a shame. I was beginning to truly enjoy those matches on the court. He moves with such smooth ease and stealth. It is almost unnatural for a human being to be so graceful...  
What is this? I am paying too much attention to him. Although the Kira case requires that I do so, I am afraid if the degree of which I am watching him. Are my actions acceptable? I must focus on the Kira case. No matter how many trivial distractions there are, I must keep my mind on the Kira case. After all, I befriended Raito-kun out of interest and suspicion, not obsession.

_L_

- -

The detective pulled at a lock of his raven-colored hair, closing the leather journal with a soft, nearly inaudible thud. This case and its suspects were becoming an obsession.

_More like suspects,_ he thought as he pulled out his sleek white laptop from its place in his desk. Opening it and setting it up were the easy part. Next was contacting the House and that kind of interaction was energy consuming, in ways different than solving cases.

"Good evening," he spoke in to the microphone as he watched the three teenage boys enter the room and take their seats. Matt joined them.

Near glanced up from his legos once and nodded, Mello responded with a "Good evening" as well, and Matt simply smiled and said, "Hello, L."

"Everyone is here and the door is secure, so I have a question I would like for you to debate over. Do not be afraid to openly express your opinions."

Near looked up from his puzzle and smiled. Mello grinned and sank back into his chair. Matt smirked playfully and leaned forward to rest his elbows on his knees. They showed interest. That was a good sign.

"When does simple interest cross a line of innocence and observation become obsession? You may speak."

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Is it starting? The boylove hinting? Yay! -cheers-

_Je t'aime beaucoup! Minikimii  
_


	7. Entry Seven

Disclaimer:Death Note is not mine. However... I have it! I finally have it!! I have volume eight of the manga! Ahahaha! Yay!! Let's all go celebrate! We'll have chocolates and toys and videogames and sweets and apples for everyone! Except for Misa. She eats tofu. Mello and L don't like tofu...  
(**EDIT****:** Updated 12-14-08)

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Dear Diary,  
I met him outside To-Oh University today. Perhaps it was too rash of me to claim my existence as Yagami-kun's friend. I have been taking irrational actions such as those that lately. Regardless, it led me to meet the famous Misa Amane. Who would have thought that Misa-Misa would be dating Yagami-kun. It is strange to think that a person of Yagami-kun's disposition would become interested in Misa-Misa. If anything, she would be a mere trophy girlfriend and the entire relationship would be less than platonic. When I saw them together, I could have sworn there was a fleeting pang of jealousy in my chest. It was odd, because I have never considered myself an especially avid Misa-Misa fan. She has a certain charm about her, that much is indeniable, but not the kind of charm I usually take interest in.  
Either way, today's visit led to a rather interesting incident with Yagami-kun. And Amane-san is in containment because of suspicions of her being the Second Kira. Maybe it was not such a bad idea to swipe Misa Amane's phone in the middle of the crowd. It is theft, but I never play fair. With intentions of checking her phone records, I was nearly out of Yagami Raito's sight when the phone began to ring. I suppose I just was not expecting Raito-kun to call her so quickly after we had departed.  
Now that we have Amane-san in confinement, it will only be a matter of time before she breaks down and slips us a phrase of incriminating evidence. The Task Force objects to my methods of investigation, but if a bold move such as this is comes through successfully, thenI will have gained their trust and confidence. When Raito-kun is apprehended and placed in confinement as well, I believe it will be only a matter of a few simple weeks before the case is over.  
Although I do rejoyce slightly at the thought of placing him in isolation, part of me does not want to put Raito-kun through confinement. It is irrational and idiotic of my to feel this way, but I can not stop this clenching feeling in my chest whenever I think about him being locked away for months. Especially if it were to be that he was not Kira. If Raito-kun was innocent, then I will have placed him in a sort of psychological torture.

I must not dwell upon these things. Tonight, I will speak with Matt only. Of the three boys, he calms me down the most. I suppose his somewhat arrogant, yet amiable nature is a good mix that I find myself inclined to speak with. Mello and Near may take a rest tonight, for private conversation with Matt shall be most welcome. I suppose this reminds me of the days when he would visit the room behind the tower. The air there was always cold during the winter. I remember Matt calling it a calm air collective of sorts. Always interesting, that one.

_L_

* * *

This one was a bit short.

_Je t'aime beaucoup! ~Minikimii  
_


	8. Entry Eight

Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note. I do, however, own this fic... and a certain shaking blond chocolate-addict in my , reverse that. I'm in his closet. And I'm handcuffed to a water pipe, but who's complaining?  
(**EDIT:** Updated 12-14-08)

* * *

Dear Diary,

I have not written since Raito-kun has been in confinement. My nights have been spent in before the computer monitors and with numerous cups of tea and highly sweetened cups of coffee. I did not expect for myself to react in such a way. Truth be told, I do not like the idea of putting him in a room locked and shackled like that. but what has to be done for the Kira case needs to be done.  
No sleep has come to me in days, but this time, it is not from insomnia. By waching Raito, I am under a constant seige of stress and, strangely, relief that prevents me from maintaining my health and sleep. Watari has offered me sleeping pills numerous times, but I just can not find the will within myself to take them. It has been two and a half weeks now. I have not slept since Raito was put in to confinement. I know that I am not supposed to be personally affected by any case. I know it, but I cannot stop this feeling. It is that reoccurring of the tightening in my chest. Every time I look into Raito-kun's eyes, I feel as though I would ease the restrictions on his confinement, maybe even him out, all in an instant. I wonder, is this what friendship is like? Because if it is, I do not quite know whether or not it is safe to make friend with the enemy.  
Also pertaining to the Kira case: the killings have resumed. This is perhaps the entire reason as to why I have chosen today to begin writing once more. I am slightly relieved, but I cannot tell Raito-kun. If Raito-kun is Kira, then he would know they have resumed, but he does not show any signs of outside knowledge. Perhaps this will finally prove Raito-kun's innocence. As much as I keep telling myself and the other members that this was to prove that Raito was Kira, I find myself hoping and wishing that he would not be guilty. Sometimes, I feel as though I am the one being confined.  
This can not be healthy. I am letting personal feelings get in the way of the investigation. Matt will most certainly chastise me I will give Raito-kun another month of confinement before I let them out. Surely I can hold on that long.

I called the House today for the first time in two weeks. There was nothing especially significant to speak of pertaining to my two informed successors. As always, Near is silent, Mello is loud. However, each of them expressed their concerns for not hearing from me in a week. I suppose I had to say that it was part of the investigation to shut Mello up. Strangely, Matt did not ask question. Instead, he waited until we were speaking alone (something I do now for half an hour after Mello and Near leave) to voice his concerns. I failed to mention that I have not informed the three of Matt's true reason for being a part of these conversations. For now, they only know that he is allowed to speak with me because of his close ties to both Mello and Near. As for the private conversations, my two original successors know nothing of them. I suppose this kind of communication seeme like favoritism, but it is mere curiosity.  
Matt is always there to talk. In fact, and this surprised me as well, I confided in him about the Kira case. I told him that we have a possible suspect under surveillance. I tried to sound happy about it. Optimistic about it... but he heard it in my voice. Something in my tone tipped him off. He asked me if I was depressed. As usual, I denied it. Usually he would just back off, but there must have been something really wrong. He kept pressing on. Asked me if I was getting enough sleep. Asked me if I had taken a break recently. I cannot lie to the boy, so I obviously said no to both questions. Then he asked me if I was letting personal feelings get in the way. How does that kid know? All I mentioned about the case was that we have a suspect in containment. And seeing as I can not lie to him, I told him that I might be. I saw that smirk on his face and almost heard it in his voice on the other end of the screen. I asked what he was being so smug about and he just said that I would figure it out in due time.

On a different subject, I finally informed Matt of the true reason as to why he is allowed to converse with me, both with the other two boys and away from them. However, he turned down my offer to be a co-successor. That boys is exceptionally sharp and the simple action of turning away from a position such as mine is the trait that makes him a perfect candidate. Although the House has him listed as a child with slightly above average intelligence, I ran a test today while we were speaking. The specifics are difficult to explain (and I am lacking time), but his projected I.Q. is higher than Near's recorded score. Seemingly impossible, yet fitting of him. It really is a shame that he does not want to be my successor.

L

* * *

My secret to this long entry? Miracle Gro!

_Je t'aime beaucoup! Minikimii_


	9. Entry Nine

Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note. Yes, I am aware of the fact that I probably never will... but I want a notebook that has "Death Note" written on it in that fancy-shmancy lettering of Ryuk's.  
(**EDIT****:** Updated 12-14-08)

* * *

Dear Diary,

It has been another two and a half weeks since I have written in this journal. Yesterday I passed out again while monitoring the potential Kiras. I have just woken up from my 26 hours of sleep. Can you believe it? I passed out the day after I wrote the last entry for 18 hours as well. I have not called the house in too long and Watari tells me that Roger has received expressions of concern from my co-successors. If it were not for Watari's medical knowledge, I think I would have been hospitalized. I am quite fortunate to have him for company.  
I am writing this as I sit before the monitors. This journal is kept in my right pocket now. The 24 hour surveillance of Raito's activities must be upheld and I cannot afford to move into a separate room to retrieve as frivolous as a simple diary. Of course, that was quite hypocritical of me to be saying, but it is the truth. I engage in frivolous writing.

It is late tonight and I can not stop myself from watching. His sleeping patterns are slowly becoming nocturnal. His skin pales and I have a hard time watching Mogi go down to his and Amane-san's holding chambers to feed them daily. A mundane task for an uncomplaining man, I suppose, but that is why I chose him to do the feeding. As I look up from these pages, I can see that Raito-kun does not appear to be doing so well. In fact, that was an understatement. I can see Mogi wince slightly when he steps in to the cell to take Raito to his weekly bathing sessions, from the odor perhaps. He is losing the will to maintain perfection, it seems. I cannot be certain though, for he is given only the most basic of grooming products and he still manages to maintain his dignity. In fact, his eyes look clearer than they were before, as if some cloud has been blown away from his vision and everything looks fresh, anew. Sometime during the confinement, Raito changed. He's become... pure. No, no, I cannot think like that. It's not 'purity' that changed within him. It's something else. Some part of his personality shifted. I could just feel it. But feeling it is not positive evidence, so I should not rely on my intuition to tell me these things. Although human intuition is a strong feeling, it is not physical evidence.  
Either way, I have devised a plan to prove for the time being whether or not Amane-san and Raito-kun are Kira and Second Kira. It will involve Yagami-san's complete cooperation and will end his confinement, his son's, and Amane-san's. Details cannott be written out as of yet, for the fine points are still under construction.  
I wish I could feel excessively guilty for thinking this, but I am glad the killing have resumed. It proves for the time being that Raito is innocent. I do not know why I want so badly for him to be innocent of the charges that I have laid against him. If he were to be guilty, then Kira would be stopped and the world would return to where it has always been. All of my logic tells me that Raito-kun is Kira. But whenever I let my mind wander, it goes back to him. Him and my wishing that he is not Kira. But no matter what, I will make sure that the others do not find out about these personal feelings. What would become of my reputation if it were known that I was letting my own emotions get involved in a case? I do not wish to think these things. I only wish... what do I wish?

Watari contacted the House. It was three in the morning and apparently it sent Mello in to hysterics. So easily excitable... I have developed genuine worry regarding his stability. His brilliance is simply astounding, but it worries me that he is letting his ambition blind him. I have come to wonder if the House should not have let them know of their current ranking in the house. Perhaps I should not have begun their training to be co-successors. Maybe if it had been kept it a secret from them, they would not act as they do now. Mello might not be in a state of searching for constant competition. Their personalities would be more normal. More stable. Maybe I could have stopped it... I have been blaming myself for far too much lately. More than anything, I may just have to consider taking a break form the case for a day. But what would I do for a day? Ido not have any other people to converse with other than the police on the case and the children at the House.

But I do have... Raito.

_L_

* * *

Miracle Gro has long-lasting affects.

_Je t'aime beaucoup! ~Minikimii_


	10. Entry Ten

Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to Death Note. Not even the Holiday Armadillo will grant my wish!!  
(**EDIT:** Updated 12-14-08)

* * *

Dear Diary,  
Success. It's likely that this is the first time I have felt anywhere near elated in months. The plan carried out successfully. 100 percent successful. Halfway during the viewing, I had to resist the urge to lock myself in the bathroom. Yes, you heard right. The "great detective L" was going to lock himself in the bathroom because he could not stand to watch one of his own suspects in a tight situation. I was able to talk myself out of it though, for the good of the investigation. It was a ridiculous, out of character thought anyway. I am sure that Matt would have had a great laugh if he had heard of this. I can imagine him teasing me now, saying that I am becoming less robot and more human.

Oh, how my self-image plummets.

Raito-kun and I are to be handcuffed together 24/7 (something Amane-san protested to). I am not complaining, but there are a few issues pertaining to sleeping, bathing, and schooling arrangements. As for schooling, I think it best that both him and I will be having to take a break, so to speak, from college. A leave of absence. With his intelligence, I am sure he can pick up the course again at any time and his absence should be no complication.  
Sleeping arrangements have been weighing heavily on my mind lately, especially since that is the exact predicament I find myself in at this moment. I have arranged for the two of us to sleep in separate full-sized beds pushed nearly against each other. There should be space enough for them to be seen as distinctly separate, but close enough so that if he were to roll over in his sleep, he would not fall through the crack. I am hoping that will be comfortable enough for him. Of course, I will not be doing much sleeping and the possibility of his attempting to strangle me with the chain between us is likely, so I have had Watari install cameras in the room we are to be sharing.  
My current main focus is on the bathing arrangements. Would we take turns and wait for the other person to finish or would we end up having to bathe together? But the length of the chain on the cuffs are a bit too short to allow for each of us to take turns and adequately wash ourselves. And then when we are both getting changed in the morning, who will get dressed first? Speaking of getting dressed, we will not be able to get out shirts on and off without unlocking the handcuffs. The chain of the cuffs get in the way and the sleeves of the shirts would get caught between us. I suppose I must allow the cuffs to be taken of during bathing and changing hours. It could be a problem if Raito-kun tries to do anything dangerous while we are changing. Ah, but the cameras will take care of that.  
This new lifestyle means that I will have to mold my entire schedule around his needs. Even now, the time I have taken to write in this notebook had to be sneaked approximately two hours after Raito's eyes finally shut. And this is just day one, so I am not entirely sure how this arrangement will fare for me and my privacy. I am afraid that my interactions with my co-successors shall be greatly limited over the next few weeks. I have instructed Watari to tell Roger to inform the children that I am not to be able to speak with them for quite some time due to the case. According to my feedback report, the three of them are worried for my safety.

This current living situation is affecting my attention to writing. Even now, I find it hard to keep my head level. Every few minutes I find my eyes wandering back to the other bed. Watching his chest rise and fall is a mesmerizing activity, for there are times when I see his breath stop and he whispers some inaudible phrase. Sometimes, he makes a face of pleasure,other times of displeasure. I can never be sure what it is he dreams of, seeing and I seldom sleep and never dream. I find myself staring at him in his sleep. It is getting harder to form coherent thoughts in my head as I feel a small tightening in my chest. Every one of those breaths somehow manages to catch my attention. And even when I manage to distract myself or immerse myself in other activities, he turns or rolls in his sleep, catching my instant attention.

If this is how I am going to act for the next few days, I believe that this arrangement will affect me more than it does him.

_L_

* * *

Apparently they need to start putting a warning label on that Miracle Gro stuff. This is starting to divert from the original plot!  
But wasn't that stated in the first chapter?

_Je t'aime beaucoup! Minikimii_


	11. Entry Eleven

Disclaimer: I had a dream last night that I owned the rights and Mello. It was the happiest night of my life... until I woke up crying. I need chocolate.  
(**EDIT:** Updated 12-14-08)

* * *

Dear Diary,

I do not know what is wrong with myself. It has been so long since I have had such cunning and elusive company and the joy of this marvelous game of uncovering truths and hidden motives that we play is mine to enjoy (or detest) at all hours of the day. Raito challenges my analytical mind like none before him. Every conversation is like a constant battle to uncover what is beneath his skin. I cannot seem to get into his thoughts. To have a suspect completely under my surveillance like this and to be simultaneously unable to decode his thoughts, words, and behavior drives me mad, yet makes me anxious for the next hour, for the possibilities I may uncover the next minute I spend with him. Each and every time I attempt to make some form of logical deduction around him, only one out of approximately twenty hypothesis remain unrefuted. No one has ever rendered my mind so close to uselessness like he has. I cannot think straight with his presence looming on the shadows, constantly watching, scrutinizing... I am afraid to slip up. I must live up to my image of calm and cool.

This morning was a difficult affair. Shamelessly, he pulled his own garmets off and wrapped a towel about his waist, waiting for me to join him in the shower. The only setback with the living spaces that I have rented is that the shower is a one man space. Or, as Raito put it, "a space that fits two very close men." It was slightly shocking to see such a remark slip from his lips as he was half-naked and standing before me. My physical modesty requires that I am not watched as I change. Raito-kun eventually took his shower first. For a male in college, he takes a large amount of time to groom himself. I suppose that is acceptable seeing as how he had been unable to perform any proper self-grooming habits while he was confined. I noticed today that he smelled quite nice when he stepped out. Like musky spices, I suppose, with his skin slightly flushed from the heated water and water dripping from his hair.  
I unlocked the handcuffs once more to allow myself to undress while I forced him to face the wall. Of course, I later realized that I had him face a wall with the giant mirror on it. (Yes, idiocy to its highest degree. Again, Matt would tease me for this lapse of logic, but it is done and over with now, so nothing regarding it shall phase me.) I relocked the cuffs before I stepped in to shower and brought the key with me to prevent any theft. After I had undressed, I took to the shower. Mine did not take as long as Raito's, but I could not help comparing my body to his. From what I had seen - which really was not much considering that I had turned around the moment he began undressing - I could already say that his body was much more fit than mine. Obviously. My mind does not wander to these places often, but as I stood in the shower, I was wondering what his skin might have felt like. His skin is slightly tanned, but not too dark, and has a glowing quality that I know my complexion shall never achieve. It is flawless in nearly every detail, that I know from seeing his torso uncovered and dripping with moisture. Even from sight, I could almost imagine the feel of his tight, warm, damp, tanned skin beneath my fingers. Would he tremble from my cold touch? Perhaps he would revel in the contrast. I know I would certainly enjoy warmth and a slight pressure against my own skin, but warmth and chills are two different things.

My body feels strange at this time, like a coiling and shivering bundle has formed in my lower stomach. I must clear my head of these thoughts. Comparison of the physical is frivolous. I do not know why I have taken the time to recall the account of this morning's actions. It is strange, to say the least, that I can remember even his smell in such detail. Even from where I sit on the bed, when he moves the sheets, his musky, spicy scent wafts my direction. I am having a terribly hard time concentrating at the moment. Although I usually indulge in the sweeter things in life, I find myself irrevocably enjoying his scent. Ah. That feeling in my stomach is growing. Mornings from now on will be quite interesting, to say the least.

Regarding the previously mentioned living arrangements, everything has been going according to plan. Well, everything except for the bed. Last night, Raito fell between the crack of the two beds and got his leg caught. A good portion of this morning was spent with me having to heave the bed a foot or three as to allow him to get his leg out of the space. With my physical condition, I was surprised I even managed such a feat. Needless to say, we have switched to a bigger bed that we will be sharing. Raito does not seem to mind the change seems more contented tonight than he was yesterday.

Amane-san visited our chamber this morning. She clings to Raito like he is her life source. Truthfully, this morning is something I would rather not think about, so I shall skip that account.

Sadly, there is nothing to report regarding the House. I have not been able to contact my successors for a long time now and no doubt they are beoming concerned. No need for Raito to be informed of Near, Mello, and Matt. Or even of the House for that matter. In that case, I must be more careful with the locations in which I keep this journal. Having this journal in my pocket is not inconvenient because of showering.

_L_

* * *

I used a hyped-up Miracle-Gro serving on this entry and now I'm almost out. I hope everyone re-reading fangirl/fanboy squealed. XD

_Je t'aime beaucoup! ~Minikimii  
_


	12. Real World: Part One

Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note. If I did, then the following scene would have taken place in the manga. That one and many like it.  
(**EDIT:** Updated 12-16-08)

* * *

He stepped outside into broad daylight for the first time in months. Sunlight shattered the imaginary barriers against his skin that had formed from several hundred hours of a lack of exposure to vitamin D. As a safety precaution, he wore a pair of sunglasses that blocked off the intense rays of light that only a midday sun could give off. The light was making him feel queasy now and the air was filled with pollutants he most certainly did not enjoy breathing in. If Kira did not kill him, then the things he inhaled today would finish the job. Actually, with the frequency of Matsuda's clumsiness could probably kill L before both Kira and the pollutants. It was always Matsuda tripping and spilling coffee over all of the equipment that gave the Task Force their more than neccessary, yet seldom taken breaks. Having Watari call the company to order replacements was going to take far too long. But if that happened ever again...

"I think you have killed me," the panda-eyed man stated quite bluntly, readjusting his sun glasses while fiddling with the chain that connected him to the younger male. Damn that chain.

"Evidently not," the brunet laughed, "because you're still talking."

"Pollutants, Raito-kun," he waggled a finger in the younger man's direction, earning an amused, semi-mocking (or at least he interpreted it that way) chuckle directed at him.

_Well, then let us see how much you enjoy the silent treatment of my ignoring you,_ L grinned to himself before he realized, with horror, what he had just thought, _wait. **Silent treatment?** How sophomoric of me. I cannot allow for the company of a younger male to influence my thoughts into becoming so juvenile. Merely thinking the way he speaks implies that I have already lost to his childish ways._

L sighed to himself and trudged forward, admitting defeat to his own logic and the malleable tendencies of human beings. His shoulders slump approximately seven millimeters as he took the next four steps. It was a beautiful day outside, really, and part of him was glad Raito had not let him stay indoors. Although he was not a fan of the sunlight, harmful pollutants, and pedestrians that eyed him suspiciously, he truly enjoyed the space. And the people watching he could get done while he was in public. It was much harder to observe the general public while he was cooped up inside.

_People watching_, he thought, _I remember the fourth day with Matt. He snuck into the clock tower room after his classes were over for the day. We watched his object of affection play soccer with the other boys in my grass fields. I had asked him why he was not playing with them and he simply stated that sometimes he liked to sit back and watch. I do not blame him. I suppose I picked up a people watching interest from that child._

"So, I understand that you don't go out much," Raito commented, successfully interrupting L's reminiscing.

The panda-eyed man nodded sarcastically, shooting his younger counterpart a look of dismay. Of course, there were not many other looks one could shoot at a college freshman when he told you, to your face, that you were practically an isolated recluse. L scowled uncharacteristically as he realized this, the look he gave the blond increasing in childish malice. When confronted with a partly angry glare, the brunet simply smiled.

"And that Watari brings you your sweets."

Another nod. This time, Raito full on grinned. The sarcasm left L's face as he realized the severity of Raito's expression and what it could mean for L's sanity and maybe even safety. That could be a problem.

"Well, that's just boring. I was going to take you to the park, but now I've changed my mind!" the brunet declared.

He abruptly changed his direction while nearly ripping L's arm out of its socket and knocking of the pair of sunglasses he was wearing. The raven-haired man did not protest. It was nearly futile, at some points of the day, to argue with the younger man. Sunlight obviously put him in higher spirits than normal. The sidewalks echoed with the clack of many busy footsteps. It was fortunate that it was later in the afternoons, two hours before most students got out of class and long enough after most businessmen and women had finished their midday meals. People that were on the street gave the two men astounded looks, whispering and pointing to the strange man in drab clothing and expensive-looking designer sunglasses handcuffed to the college student who looked far too godly to not be a model.

"Yagami-kun, I write with that hand. Be more careful."

"You're ambidextrous," Raito grinned, a sudden playful glint in his eye, "and I'm sure you'd lose more than just writing if that hand were to be pulled off. And if you're any regular male, I'm sure the loss of your dominant hand would be quite a loss... although some people prefer to use their other hand..."

L blushed slightly at the comment, lowering his eyes and trying to ignore every word the brunet had spoken after 'ambidextrous.' Sadly, the effort was in vain. His face reddened slightly at the implications of Raito's speech. His unguarded mind wandered to the gutters, wetting their toes in thoughts of maybe Raito's hands on a certain part of his anatomy...

_What am I thinking?!_ he suddenly snapped at himself, _Matt and Raito, you two have influenced me to the point of childish, sex-related thoughts floating at the edge of my mind. Granted, every male does experiment with the concept of self-pleasure at least once in his life - actually, the statistic is more like 95 percent of males - this is not something I should have in my mind. I could almost swear. Children.._

"S-so are you," he finally managed, able to regain part of his previous (if not the majority of) his control, "but I'm am quite sure that Mr. Kira would not like for his arm to be ripped from its secure hold either, now would he?"

Happiness, or some milder form of it, jumped slightly in his chest as he saw the younger man's face scrunch slightly in frustration.

"I'm not Kira." Raito mumbled between gritted teeth.

"Of course you are not." The raven-haired man replied sarcastically, immediately wincing. He needed to stop letting Raito influence him this thoroughly. Perhaps he would begin taking too much interest in the activities of those an effective half a year or so younger than himself. No one wanted that.

--

Walking to the cafe was uneventful, to say the least. The only noteworthy detail were the whispers had only increased when the brunet suddenly pulled L closer to him. Sudden close proximity to the enticing smell of Raito had dazed the detective slightly at first until the younger man began whispering deftly in his ear that they were about walk on opposite sides of a pole. The sentence barely registered in L's mind as he willed himself to focus while simultaneously chastising himself at his abnormal behavior. The two walked in silence until they reached the door of a small cafe. 'La Chatte Noire' was painted on the sliding glass door in black lettering resembling Monotype Corvisca if he was not mistaken. It would have looked better in more ornate script, but the simplicity of the checker theme to be seen inside the cafe matched the mood of the letter in the door. L scratched the back of his 45-degree-angle-tilted head, trying to uncover any motive for Raito taking him to a place such as this.

_'The Black Cat' I suppose, if my French has not yet failed me. Well, this does not sound too excessively potentially traumatizing. _

"Ryuuzaki."

The older man looked down to see his handcuffed partner tugging the thin chain between them. The door was beginning to shut. L quickly stepped forward, causing it to jolt back the other direction, nearly knocking the younger man to the floor. Instead, Raito had braced himself and the panda-eyed man found himself pressed against Raito's chest, the younger man's strong arms supporting him before he lost him balance. Taking a deep breath, he inhaled the slightly spicy scent that had taunted his attentions every night since he and Raito had begun sharing a room. His face flushed and his heart beat quickened when he realized he had subconsciously leaned in to the student's touch and let out a small, contented sigh. Judging by the lack of protest and movement from his counterpart, either Raito was very confused or... or he was...

"I'm sorry," the said temptation's voice muttered and he broke away from the detective. L's sunglasses had been knocked to the floor, and Raito took good care of making sure that L's face was not seens by any of the security cameras on site. L hid his face behind his uncuffed hand, both for the sake of his safety and his pride.

"Do not apologize. There is no need," he murmured back as his forefinger and thumb closed around the edge of the shades, delicately sliding them into place as Raito made sure no one saw his face.

Now that he was inside, L took the time to take in his surroundings. Even with the dark drapes he place was definitely well designed. The soft mixture of white and black made for a modern, yet classic atmosphere. The neat tiles were arranged in a way so that they were not parallel with the wall, but rather in an off-set diamond angle. Green potted plants and their respective pots were the only polychromatic inanimate objects in the room. The tables were alternating blank and white and each table had the opposite color chair pulled up beside them. The entire establishment seemed void of artificial light at this time. The glass windows were clear and massive enough to let the natural sunlight in, only adding to the positive ambiance that seemed to trickle into every corner of the room. While the detevtice stood surveying his surroundings, Raito had spoken with a waitress and was being led to a table by the window. Just as the older man looked up, he saw Raito lean over to the waitress's ear and whispered something. The young girl blushed, nodded, and led them away from the full windows.

"What did you say?" Ryuuzaki questioned simply.

"Only that we would like a spot where we could see the outdoors but not be seen."

"So, essentially, a spot ideal for me," the older man ventured, obviously still wary of (yet intrigued by) the general public.

He recieved only an easy nod and a kind smile, but it was enough to make his mind go blank for a slipt second. Soon, the two settled for a table in the back of the cafe with a clear view of the street, but far enough away so that the street did not have a clear view of them, just as how Raito had requested. Persuasive techniques, if that was what you would call them. Four minutes passed and a cheerful waitress bounded up to them. She was the cookie-cutter image of a Misa-Misa drenched in checkered cloth - just as cute, just as noisy, and definitely just as clingy.

"Hello, my name is 'Rini' and I'll be serving you today. Would you like?" she sang as she gave a sultry smile to the brunet, batting her eyelashes sightly as she gave him a look was to be later described as 'slutty'.

"Yes, I'll have an iced green tea like this."

His delicate fingertip tapped a spot on the menu, in which case Rini the waitress leaned in too close to read. Her smile broke out in to a grin. She was a cute girl and Raito did not seem to mind that she was invading his personal space while completely ignoring the raven-haired man besidehim. L could not help but notice the sinking feeling in his gut. That twisting and churning that made him both want to cry and throw up at the same time. It was still there when she pulled away.

"And you, sir?" she asked.

She did a double take after she glanced to the detective and saw the handcuff chain linking him to the younger male. She quickly looked down at her note pad, obviously trying to understand the situation. The grin on her face narrowed to a small, obviously forced smile as she had come to an unfavorable (for her at least) conclusion.

_What an instantly friendly atmosphere... Ah! Sarcasm again._

"Please return in a few minutes. I have yet to scrutinize the menu to its full capacity," Ryuuzaki instructed, giving the girl an excuse to leave.

"Yes, sir. Meanwhile, would you like anything to drink?"

"Hot tea would be wonderful, thank you," he spoke with clarity, focusing on trying to dig up any type of acceptable manners he could before he became irritated.

"Ok..." she mumbled halfheartedly as she scribbled quickly on her note pad, "I'll be back with your orders shortly."

Appearing to have regained her composure, she winked at Raito and nearly skipped away. L watched with what he did not understand was jealously as he was painfullt aware of Raito's attention to her presence. All he could feel was the dull pang in his chest. He watched as Rini was able to retreat from the two men cheerfully, openly, as if she had achieved some great conquest. In L's reality, she had. Women were cunning devils, able to get away with much more than men. Perhaps, Kira was a woman? But that thought slipped from his head quickly as Raito suddenly began speaking with more venom in his voice than his friend had every heard him use.

"That was blatantly disgusting."

_What? Where did that proclamation originate from? Who provoked such a spiteful remark?_

"Excuse me?" L peeked up at Raito from behind the menu, afraid to show his entire face (he had removed his sunglasses and had his back turned to the camera) for fear of his expression betraying his current vocal projection of calm.

"That... girl," he spat, making a face of disgust.

Suddenly, the detective felt excited to hear the younger man's words.

_Why does Raito so disdainfully said 'girl'? It was as though it was not just that one girl that annoyed him, but perhaps her 'type'? Perhaps he is repulsed by all females? Does he not find an interest in women in general? _L felt his chest swell slightly at the thought of a Raito who hated females, but only to have it fall once more when he realized that perhaps the younger man just hated all people. _But if he hated all people, why would he befriend me? If he is Kira, then that double-faced life would be his motivation, but if he is not Kira, then... then..._

"Explain," the detective commanded, tired of the thoughts flitting through his head. Perhaps if he asked Raito, he would recieve an answer that would stop the war of speculation taking place within his skull.

Raito set an elbow on the table and leaned his face against his fist while he absent-mindedly fingered the chain linking himself to the other man. He inhaled deeply, filling his lungs and emptying them, his diaphram rising and falling three times before he spoke.

"First off, it was the way that she acted around me and you. The difference in which she treated us. There's nothing wrong with you, yet she can't even smile to you? And then when she addresses me again, she's instantly ok again like nothing's wrong. Doesn't that bother you?"

"No," he replied, lying terribly. Matt would have teased him again for that.

"All girls are like that. They see a pretty face and they can't help but to try and take it for their own. They see someone whose a little bit out of the ordinary and they instantly shut down! How can you stand it Ryuuzaki? And that behavior is so _typical_. Women are disgusting."

"I do not see anything wrong with women in particular," he murmured, sighing as an afterthought, "besides, everyone treats me that way..."

Ryuuzaki's speech trailed off. His mind was focused on other things. Things such as the fact that Raito appeared to have an obvious disinterest in females. In fact, he seemed to hate them. Although this show of hatred could very well be a sign of Raito's potential to hate injustices and also be Kira, the knowledge of his detestation for the beings of the doubled X-chromasome made the detective... happy.

"Well..." the younger man's face grew red as he struggled to make a comeback, "dammit, Ryuuzaki, just look at your menu and mind your own business."

"You started the conversation," he pointed out.

"I was talking to myself," Raito shot while glaring at L and folding his arms.

Another five minutes of silence passed and he was back to scrutinizing the menu once more. Were all menus like this? He flipped, again, through another colorful page of desserts. There were so many things he wanted to try. He was grateful that Raito had chosen a place such as this. woth desserts galore.

_I have had all of these before. Green tea cake, that fruit tart, fresh berries and creme ice cream, orange and strawberry roll... __Wait.  
Orange and Strawberry Roll with Chocolate bits? That reminds me of...  
_

"Mello," he whispered, "and Matt."

"Hn? Ryuuzaki, did you say something?"

The detective looked back down at the menu, eyes glazing over in slight happiness as he scrutinized the picture of the roll. For some reason, at least one part of the roll would remind him of a trait of each of his successors. First, it had chocolate bits and Mello liked chocolate. Then the cake part of the roll itself was white, pale, and delicate - like Near. Lastly, the strawberries used in the cake and around it as decoration reminded him of Matt's hair.

_When does a world-renown genius know he has lost it? Oh, when all of his foods begin to remind him of his protegees/co-successors. That is when._

He chuckled to himself, earning a surprised look from the brunet across the table. He merely looked up and smiled as sweet as the cakes he ate, placing his hands daintily on his knees.

_Was that my imagination, or did Raito just blush?_

"Raito-kun."

"Yes, Ryuuzaki?" he responded attentively.

"I want," he said simply, feigning cuteness as he batted his dark eyelashes at Raito, imitating what he had seen Rini do before, not sure of whether or not it was joking or interest that drove his actions.

_What has gotten into me? Why am I acting like this? _he yelled at himself, partly in wonder, _and why does Raito suddenly look so uncomfortable? He is gripping the chain like his hand is coming near to breaking. Reddish tinge forming in the face, too. That cough sounds strange. Unnatural. Is he alright? Do I truly look so horrendous when I smile?_

"Show me," the brunet finally said in a calm tone.

The raven-haired man could see that the student was in fact not doing so well. The hand that was resting against his face lowered to beneath the table. Ryuuzaki flipped the menu over in his agile fingers and pointed at the picture.

"This."

"I'll ask the waitress to bring it here." Raito cringed at the mention of Rini the waitress and called her over. She nearly performed the perfect face plant in her excitement to behold the brunet in a 5 foot radius once more.

"Yes?" she asked in an excessively bright voice directed only at the untouchable model-like student before her. Chances were that he was too young for her anyway.

"Miss, my _partner_ here," Raito sang lightly with a grin, "would like the fruit roll." Two sets of eyes widened at the said model-esque student's response. L stiffened at the word and hid his face behind the menu and Rini's face dropped a couple thousand feet. Although Rini's were wide from shock, L's panda-eyes grew wider at something called pleasant surprise. He mentally chastised himself once more for having his heart lift slightly at the word 'partner.'

"How many slices?" she asked, her voice devoid of the excitement it held three seconds ago.

"Bring me an uncut roll, please, miss" the detective interjected before Raito could answer for him.

"Th-the _entire_ thing?" she gawked.

"Yes."

Part of the reason for keeping it whole was his habit of liking to unroll part of the roll after he cut it in half. The other part of his reasoning came from the fact that the sweets still partly reminded him of the three boys back at the House. Cutting the roll, when he thought like that as least, bothered him more than it should. Had he not been the one to scoff at those who believed in such trifle things as love. True, the emotion was a strong one that often drove people to do crazy things, but it was still a simple emotion nonetheless. It was a frivilous feeling. Unnecessary to the point of boredom. At least, it was before. Now L had people he actually cared about. L had to shake himself out of his thoughts, reminding himself that reminiscing while a scared, yet annoyed, waitress in her young twenties was gawking at you was not exactly something that was done everyday.

"O-ok then... uhhh... I'll be back in a little bit..." she began as she walked away, apparently haven taken Raito's order while L had spaced out.

"Oh, Rini, could you please bring my order the same way? Uncut?"

She stared again for nearly a minutes before uttering "S-sure..." and eagerly scuffled away.

Silence passed between the two, lasting a grand total of fifteen seconds... and then they burst out laughing. Well, more like Raito laughed and L grin-chuckled. Or giggled lightly (whatever it was that sound was meant to be called).

"I think Rini-san has come to the conclusion that you are just as strange as I am," L claimed with a bright smile lighting his face.

"Yeah!" Raito wiped a tear from the corner of his eye, "and when I said 'partner'! Did you see her facial expression?"

_Mmmm... did you see my reaction?_

"Yes..." the detective murmured, slightly dissappointed by the fact that Raito had been paying attention to Rini.

_But that was not very nice of you to let her think you were not interested in women... Unless you truly hold no interest in the opposite gender? If the way you treat Misa is any indication, then I would have to assume that you are either unterested in women or asexual. While the latter would be quite unfortunate, the former would be ideal... wait. What am I thinking? He probably is asexual._

The sweets-lover's heart sank at the thought.

"Ryuuzaki, are you ok?" Raito's voice was thick with concern.

"Yes," he took in a deep breath, "I must have gotten lost in my thoughts."

Raito's perfect eyebrows scrunched up in the center of his face, undoubtedly conveying concern for his older counterpart. L's mind suddenly flickered to remembering Raito plucking them in front of the bathroom mirror once a week, causing him to smile a bit. Raito's face seemed to ease at the appearance of the detective's sign of contentment and his eyeborws returned to their usual state of perfection. However, his curiosity had not yet been satisfied.

"What were you thinking about?"

"It is of no concern to you," the older man stated blankly, his face returning to their former stone set as his mind closed off all emotions.

_No reason to become teary-eyed now, _he thought, _because that would just be a waste of my time. _

"Ryuuzaki," Raito reached across the table and placed his hand on the detective's knee. L grew stiff at the sudden contact, "I want you..." the thumb on L's knees began to draw small circle in the fabric of his jeans, the effect of the touch and the student's words made his mind go blank, "to be able to trust me with anything. If we're going to work together on this case, that would be out top priority."

"Am I not allowed a bit of privacy in my thoughts? We _are_ chained together," he pointed out as he regained his control.

"Your fault," Raito reasoned, grinning at L at his sudden use of sarcastic tone.

"Point taken."

--

The food arrived shortly. It was quite a laughable sight, really, to see two grown men chained together, both trying to stuff their respective rolls of food down their throats. Raito, of course, had it easy. Sushi was meant to be eaten in bites, therefore the size was easy to fit into his mouth. Ryuuzaki, on the other hand, had spent the entire time unsuccessfully trying to stuff the entire cake down his throat in one giant chunk. After covering his face in creme, he gave up and settled for eating it in separate bites. At least he would not have to cut apart his protegees. Well, the cake that reminded him of his protegees. Augh.

--

It was after the meal and the two men were standing in front of _La Chatte Noire.  
_

"Ryuuzaki, there's creme on your cheek," Raito suddenly pointed out.

"Where?" the older man asked, reflexively reaching a hand up to clean the mess, only to have it swatted away.

"Here, let me get it."

Raito leaned forward, bringing his face dangerously close to that of the older man's. Ryuuzaki's body shivered and heat pooled in his face as he felt something warm and wet slide up the side of his jaw line up to his earlobe. Raito's tongue flicked out to taste his skin and a set of teeth deftly nipped at the soft flesh there, only to pull away quickly, leaving the detective in stunned silence.

* * *

I think I was acting too quickly to be judging the effects of Miracle Gro. Leave a message?

_Je t'aime beaucoup! ~Minikimii_


	13. Entry Twelve

Disclaimer: I still do not own Death Note. The wishing well ate my quarters... MY EFFING QUARTERS!! Damn wishing well.  
(**EDIT:** Updated 12-16-08)

* * *

Dear Diary,

There is no need to recall the events that took place yesterday. All I would like to know is what has happened to Raito in the time we have spent with each other. Something shifted inside. He no longer behaves like the arrogant, well-off teenage boy he once was.

I can hear his soft breathing to my left. I had Watari switch out the two beds in exchange for one that we could share so Raito would not get stuck in the crack in between the last two beds, but I am sure I have already mentioned that detail. He rolls around quite frequently in his sleep. I would not be surprised if he rolled right of the bed in the next twenty minutes, but he looks so peaceful right now that I doubt he would do so.  
He sleeps like a small child, clutching the pillow and rolling in his sleep. When I watch him some nights, I find it hard to believe that a face such as his could hold the mind of a killer. Chocolate-colored hair and sweet breath, warming that marshmallow pillow... Those smooth cheeks, like creamy milk drops.

_L sighed and crossed out a few lines on the page._

Focus. Do not let your thoughts wander on to the page, L...

Pertaining to the Kira case, we have made little progress. I know I should be pushing to find Kira, but I cannot seem to find motivation. Somewhere inside, I know that if it were to turn out that Raito is Kira... I would not be able to cope. Subconsciously, I have already crippled myself. I have lost.  
Do you like this power you have over me, Kira? Surely, if you knew what twisted

I called the House today. Surprisingly, Mello answered the phone in Roger's office. Although I usually use the web cam, I was unable to, seeing as it would be a problem if Raito saw my heirs' faces. With that aside, I asked him to put Matt on, but apparently he is unavailable. The entire House is suffering from a cold and Mello seems to be the only one qualified to run the office area. After speaking with him for a solid twenty minutes, I had him relay a message to Matt:

"I think I understand what you mean."

_L_

--

L put down his pencil and looked at the brunet asleep beside him. He leaned towards the younger man in the bed beside him. The chain of their cuffs clinked together ever so lightly, like a soft echo of wedding bells on a warm Saturday. He leaned closer, closer, closer until his lips were a feather's width away from the bewitching flesh of the younger man's expose neck. Sugary breath bathed the brunet's skin in an encompassing warmth, drawing an involuntary smile and hintingly lustful sigh to the angel's lips.

And in that still darkness, the detective's lips brushed along the student's cheek. He did not know what led for him to act this way. It just seemed so... natural.

* * *

The company that produces Miracle Gro is requesting your feedback. -cough-review-cough-

_Je t'aime beaucoup! ~Minikimii  
_


	14. Entry Thirteen

Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note. I can wish and wish all I want, but those quarters are never coming back. And to those who I replied to saying this chapter would come out in the next week... I lied. Had the update urges and gave in.  
(**EDIT:** Updated 12-16-08)

* * *

Dear Diary,

I suspect I am suffering from influenza. I never should have let Raito drag me outside the house last week, but I just can not resist that boy's whining. For example, last night:

Raito was sitting to my right (as usual) but was unusually silent. His feet were tapping back and forth, seeming to form some kind of beat. His eyebrows were scrunched in that way that subtly lets the people around him know that he is concentrating on something in his mind, nibbling his bottom lip ever so lightly, staring off in to space. After a few moments of that tapping, he turned to me and out of nowhere asked me if I had ever played Dance Dance Revolution before. For a student genius, he sure is... sporadic.  
When I answered negatively, he went on to elaborate on how I had to learn to enjoy games more (which was extremely uncharacteristic of him. I felt like I was talking to Matt...) and how I was missing out on a greatly amusing workout. As usual, he was able to haggle me into calling Watari, so I had him buy a set of Dance Pads for our living space. The amusement in his voice was as blatant as the light of day. I suppose he finds it amusing that Raito is opening me up to fun.

Now, about this "DDR" business, I do believe those were the most physically tiring two hours of my life. The game was exceptionally boring the first round. 'Light Mode' was too simplistic. I assume Raito saw my uninterest, so he coerced me to dance a song on 'Standard Mode'. It was then that Raito said I had "amazing eye-foot coordination". (Apparently getting "AAA" on the first attempt is unheard of?) Then he pushed me on to the dance mat for the third time. I was to dance a song on 'Heavy Mode', which resulted in another "AAA" score. Already, my legs were ready to cave in. This type of workout was too much to suddenly thrown at me. (In fact, my legs are still sore.) I did vocalize my concern for my own well-being, but of course, Raito pulled up a second dance mat to join me. For three hours. Matsuda needs to stop spilling coffee on our things.

In his words, I "creamed his ass".

Of course, when I was really beginning to enjoy myself, Amane-san entered the scene. Naturally, I got pushed roughly on to the floor during her tackling of Raito mid-dance. If I was not mistaken, Raito cringed the moment he sensed her in the room. Amane needs to learn self-control. Although I admire her for her ability to love so unconditionally and passionately, she needs to realize her "love" is a one-sided love.  
However clear the situation between Amane-san and Raito is in my head, that clenching feeling in my chest I had had back in the cafe comes back once more. I am 98 percent sure that I am not a Misa-Misa zealot, but my chest swells and pinches, my stomach folds upon itself, and my hands start to shake. Although I continuously breathe deep, even breaths, I cannot seem to stop the shaking. This condition of my strange physical reactions and mental strem of consciousness only seems to worsen over time. Come to think of it, I can trace the beginning of these "episodes" to around the same time I started working on the Kira case. Maybe it is just stress. Yes, it is just stress.

Raito's behavior has been changing dramatically since when we were first cuffed together. Although he is quite an intelligent young man, he is gradually acting more like an 18-year-old college student. If I did not know any better, I would say that he is letting his guard down. He is beginning to genuinely trust me. Even writing this now, I feel strangely elated. Ecstatic. This depth of companionship is something I did not expect to enjoy so thoroughly.

I called the House today. Matt's raspy voice answered the phone. This time, Mello was sick and Near was refusing to answer the phone in Roger's absence. I told him I am beginning to understand that I am becoming emotionally attached to this case. I did the unthinkable and told him of the case. I told him of the entire case and all of its progress. I told him enough. I told him too much. I told him that I will not be able to live with myself if the only friend I have is executed because of me. The information gushed out of me at nearly two hours after midnight in Japan, giving him nearly every detail in as hushed a voice as I could manage.  
And in a very Matt-like manner, he chuckled and said "For once just do what you personally perceive to be right, not what the law says is right. You deserve happiness too." and hung up.

_L_

* * *

The Miracle Gro company told me to tell you they "need more consumer feedback... or else" and sent me my last shipment of their product. If I don't collect an adequate amount of feed-back forms, they're going to cut off my supply!

Quickly, readers, the form for feedback can be found on the bottom of this page. Simply just select "Submit Review" and click. Please, just do it for L's Diary!!

_Je t'aime beaucoup! ~Minikimii  
_


	15. Entry Fourteen

Disclaimer: My psychiatrist says it's not healthy to be wanting things I can't have. (ex. The rights to Death Note) I told her to shove it. She threw a shuriken at my head. My psychiatrist is ninja.  
(EDIT: Updated 12-16-08)

* * *

Dear Diary,

Passed out last night from fever. Woke up with Raito's arms around me.

_L_

* * *

The Miracle Gro company cut off my supply... not enough reviews. Now my chapters are going through withdrawal.

_Je t'aime beaucoup! Minikimii_


	16. Entry Fifteen

Disclaimer: Minikimii doesn't own Death Note. Shocking.  
(**EDIT:** 12-16-08)

Note: Italicized font indicates L's thoughts.

* * *

Dear Diary,

I've figured it out.

With my current health condition, I should be in bed. However much I wish it would, insomnia does not stop for any sickness. The body aches and screams for sleep, yet the mind will not rest.

Timeline:  
-Kira appears._ That was certainly worth the panic._  
-I am given the investigation. _An intriguing case at last._  
-Raye Penbar's death and Naomi Misora's disappearance. _Unfortunate losses. They were good agents._  
-Monitoring of the Yamagi household. _Raito's perfection was unreal._  
-Raito under suspicion. _He was too poised._  
-Confronting Raito._ He might have been Kira._  
-Befriending Raito. _I might have been obsessed.  
-_Meeting and apprehending Misa-Misa. _I do recall feelings of... "jealousy" when I saw her with Raito.  
-_Raito's confinement. _I passed out twice and slept only three times in four weeks. And whenever I looked in to Raito's eyes...  
-_Raito's release and 24/7 surveillance. _The first few weeks were interesting. Especially the first shower when-  
_

I shall stop. "Befriending Raito" is when this feeling began. Has friendship made me weak and my thoughts unintelligible? No, these are not the results of friendship. This feeling... I have read of it before. Ah, I know: Jane Eyre. Although I enjoyed the book at an intellectual level, I think I am beginning to understand its emotional meaning. Unconventional love blossoms when both characters least expect it. A love that is ignored, buried... my love that is misunderstood even by myself.  
He was on my mind, in my mind for so many months. This feeling has been so new and so fresh, and I have been inexperienced. I have not understood until now. That is no excuse. I cannot wither in self-denial any longer. My final conclusion:

I am in love with Yagami Raito.

_L_

* * *

I've pumped this one up with half my remaining supply of Miracle Gro. Supplies are low! HALP!

_Je t'aime beaucoup! ~Minikimii_


	17. Real World: Part Two

Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to Death Note. But I still wish for it. Why? Because I'm Asian like that.  
(**EDIT:** Updated 12-16-08)

Warning: Slight OOC-ness. (But wouldn't you be that way too if a hyped-up Matt was harassing you?)

* * *

_Dear Diary,_

_I called the House and spoke with Matt, whom has dubbed himself my personal therapist. That was quite the... "eventful" conversation.  
__But at least I now have confirmation._

_L_

--

"It's me."

"Why, hello, my liege."

"Put down the game for a couple seconds Matt, it is necessary that I speak to you with your undivided attention."

"Your therapist is busy. Give him a minute, he's about to kick Uhai's nomadic ass."

_Matt and his games._

"... Are you done yet?"

"Another coupla min- GAH! Dammit Lyn, I wanted Florina to get the kill! I swear, if this happens again, I'm re-starting this chapter. Or better yet, I'll go play Sacred Stones! Ya know, Erika could always be counted on to not finish the boss, but then what use is that when Tana pwns the Final Boss with her damned Pierce skill as a Wyvern? She's too powerful as a Wyvern Knight. Maybe I should have her be a Pegasus Knight this time around and let Vanessa be the Peg-Turned-Wyvern. But still, Tana is powerful beyond necessary when you train her enough. She's so useful, I forget to train the other flying units sometimes, too. Ya know, sometimes I really think that maybe I should stop using Tana altogether and maybe focus more on Cormag's training. Now HE'S one helluva Wyvern Rider. God, and when he gets the A Support bonus-"

"Matt."

"What?"

"May I speak with you. Is anyone else in the room?"

"I'm pretty sure you're speaking with me right now, L. And no one else is in the office. The House still has the cold. "

"Call me Ryuuzaki. Please."

"Ok then... _Ryuuzaki_."

"Do not say my name like that. That is disrespectful."

"Hah! 'Disrespectful'? Who do you think I am? Near? Mello?"

"... Good point."

"Anyways, you said you wanted to talk?"

"Yes."

"Well, then get to the point. I don't have all day."

"So impatient."

"So oblivious."

"I'm sorry, but what do you mean?"

"I think I know why you called."

"Oh, really?"

"You're going to tell me you love him."

"... what."

"Gah, Ryuuzaki, do I need to spell it out for you? It's because you're hot for that guy you're chained to. Haven't ya figured it out by now? You think he's sexy. You're attracted to him. You like him and you want to smother his body in chocolate and whipped cream and lick and suck it off. You want him to chain you to the bed and screw you so hard you can't wa-"

"MATT!"

"What? I was just telling the truth."

_"Hnnn... Ryuuzaki? Are you ok?"_

"It is nothing, Raito. Just go back to sleep, ok?"

"Ooh, was that him? He sounds cute. A voice that would probably make your clothes fall off. Oh, don't give me the exasperated groan! You're a full grown freakin' MAN. Act like one."

_"Why did you scream?"_

"That is not presently relevant. Just go back to sleep. We have a lot of work to do tomorrow morning and you need your rest."

"... I bet you'd like for him to make you scream."

"Silence, Matt."

_"Ryuuzaki, you're sick. You shouldn't be up making phone calls. In fact, you shouldn't be up this late."_

"He's right, 'Ryuuzaki'. You are sick."

"Shut up, Matt!"

"Ooh, great big detective 'Ryuuzaki' told me to shut up! Oh, I'm shaking in my stockings!"

_"Ryuuzaki, is this Matt guy harassing you? Do you need me to talk to him?"_

"No, Raito. Everything is fine. He is just being... himself."

"Aww... look, he wants to take care of you! Haha! And if 'fine' means the way you see his body every night when you watch him sleep..."

"Do not mess with me, boy, I will speak your real name."

"H-hey! Don't u-use my name! I'll sh-shut up, I s-swear!"

"There is an obedient boy... No, Raito, he is just being annoying. Just go to sleep, ok?"

"... Go to sleep so he can watch you for a few more hours."

"Matt, I am hanging up."

_-beep-_

**-Two Hours Later-**

The phone rings.

"Matt?"

"Yeah, it's me. Sorry about earlier, I was kind of in my... post-gaming-failure mood."

"Apology accepted."

"Thanks, man... Now about you calling me. What is it you wanted to talk about?"

"What you thought I wanted to talk about. Raito."

"Speaking of, is he asleep again?"

"Yes."

"Oh, good."

"May I continue?"

"Please do."

"Well, under the recent circumstances, I have come to realize that I had not been completely honest with myself regarding the reasons as to why I decided to have Raito hand-cuffed to me 24/7. Of course, the investigation is of the utmost importance, but I feel as though I had sub-conscious ulterior motives. Although he is my partner and first friend outside of the house, I feel as though these feelings I have not the feelings one should experience when with a platonic friend. I am aware that jealousy comes in to nearly any relationship, regardless of whether it is platonic or romantic, I have reason to suspect that I -"

"Just get to the point."

"I have come to the conclusion that I have developed romantic feelings for Raito."

"You pretty much just called me to tell me what I told you two hours ago."

"Just not in such crude terms, but yes. I did."

"... So what are you going to do about it?"

"I don't know."

* * *

I've pumped the fic full of all the trial packets and last drops of Miracle Gro I could find.

And just for your viewing pleasure:  
Misa: "Hey, Light, did you know your name backwards spells 'I'm a gay'?"  
Raito: "Well, your name name backwards is... is... SHUT UP!"  
L: -laughing-

(Gotta love FDP.)

_Je t'aime beaucoup! ~Minikimii  
_


	18. Real World: Part Three

Disclaimer: I, Minikimii, do not own the rights to Death Note. Let it be known to fangirls everywhere that screaming and crying over this in the middle of a busy hallway is never a good idea. Your books and fanart get stomped on...  
(**EDIT:** Updated 12-17-08)

* * *

Yagami Raito held this small brown leather booklet in his hands. He hadn't meant to find it. Every night, he would be awakened by L busily scribbling away at some sort of note book by the light of a candle that was never there again in the morning. Sometimes, he would turn in his 'sleep' just to sneak a peek at the older man. By candlelight, he seemed more human, perhaps it was the orangish glow of the flame that made him seeme reachable. Touchable. His breath would stop when those dark eyes would look up, and depending on what kind of expression L would have at the time, those midnight eyes might have emotion behind them. He loved it especially when L had that contented, soft smile upon his lips. That face was simply beautiful. L might not have been what one would call the fairytale prince (or even princess?) but he did have his charm. His quirks and humanistic indulgence were his beauty.

L rarely fell asleep, but when he did, it was like the panda-man had passed out. Sometimes, he did not wake up for hours upon end. The student was sure it was from the stress of the Case and that once they caught Kira, L's sleeping patterns would be back to normal. His heart sank slightly at the thought of not being able to watch L sleep, but he quickly let the feeling go.

Creamy white pages were flipped deftly as Raito's eyes absorbed the words that were written there. Evedently, the detective was quite charmed by his presence. Who would have known? Of course, he had made that strange noise the morning Raito was atop him when he woke up. If that was any indication...

Reading the diary felt like an invasion of privacy and Raito found part of himself wishing he could put it back underneath the pillow of the man beside him. Back into those strangely warm fingers that had clutched the journal so tightly, even in his unconscious sleeping state.

But instead, he drew a pen from his nightstand and began to write.

--

_Dear Diary,  
Mood: Apathetic._

_My life is spiraling downward. I couldn't get enough money to go to the Blood Red Romance and Suffocate Me Dry Concert. It sucks cuz they play some of my favorite songs like "Stab My Heart Because I Love You" and "Rip Apart My Soul" and of course, "Stabby Rip Stab Stab". And it doesn't help that I couldn't get my hair to do that flippy thing either. Like that guy from that band can do.__  
Some days, ugh..._

_Ok, Ryuuzaki, I'm joking. You're not "emo". Actually, I don't think you even understand the refernce here. Haha. Oh well, because your disconnected way of being such an anomaly is what makes you adorable. (B__ut that's not the point. Yet.)  
__You're probably wondering if I read your journal. And because I care about our relationship as friends, I'm not going to lie to you.__ Yes, I did read this. Every last word of it up until last night's entry.  
__Also, about last night when you called Matt, I wasn't asleep. You should really be more careful about what you say, because I think you have forgotten that I can speak English too._

_Please, do not try to avoid me when I talk to you in the morning. Please __don't worry about what this means for our friendship_,_ I'm not disgusted. I think I can understand how you feel. There's no way I couldn't understand when I feel what you're feeling._

_-Yagami Raito  
_

_P.S. I'll be waiting for your reaction when you and I both wake up._

* * *

Just like jesus-of-suburbia2o2o suggested, I have resorted to the cheaper knock-off version of Miracle Gro. I hope this fic doesn't suffer from it...  
By the way, did you know the letters in "Misa Amane" are an anagram for the phrase "A(h)! Me is a man!"?  
- That's right. I came up with that... that's why it's so lame. XD -

_Je t'aime beaucoup! ~Minikimii_


	19. Real World: Part Four

Disclaimer: I own Death Note just about as much as I own Miracle Gro.  
I wanted to put off posting this chapter until this coming weekend, but I've had it sitting here for days now, completed and lonely.  
(**EDIT:** Updated 12-17-08)

* * *

L woke up to the sight of his brown leather journal placed neatly before his face. He uncurled himself from fetal position and and picked up the journal. If this morning had not already started strange enough, it only got worse when he realized he had awakened to meet a distant Raito who would not return his "good morning". The detective sighed and picked up his journal. Amidst pondering how it had come to lay there, he saw the corner of a page was folded. He never folded his pages... so how did this happen? He flipped to the page and froze.

_When did he... why would he... how could he... what?  
_

His head swerved up to gaze at the brunet cuffed to his wrist.

"Raito-kun."

"..."

"Raito-kun." He called once more.

Still no answer.

"Raito!" He grabbed the younger boy's forearm, forcing the brunet to face him. "Why did y-"

The words never left his mouth. A smooth fingertip pressed itself against a pair sugar-coated lips. It trailed across his cheek and was replaced by the thumb of the same hand, which began to caress the soft pink skin. The arm attached to the hand wrapped around the raven-haired man's thin frame, pressing him close. Molten rock ran through his veins, evidence clearly visible on his bright burning cheeks. The pounding, stuffy box in his chest collapsed upon itself, drowning L in a hopeless sea of anxiety and anticipation. Luckily, his anticipation was short-lived, because as quickly and deftly as it had begun, it was completed.

Raito had kissed him.

It was a soft kiss at first, so light and innocent, the detective's mind had fluttered to thoughts of cotton candy. But that was only the first kiss, and as far as first kisses go, this one was only meant to test the uncharted waters. The kiss soon became rougher, stronger, and more forceful. He felt a tongue press between his lips, which he parted instantaneously. Suddenly, the slab blocking the entrance to that imploding cave in his chest shifted. The chasm was quickly filled with a rushing gust of sweet warmth. The gust traveled through his body, using the small, pre-built courses of his veins as entries and exits in their grand exploration of this new-found and naive body. The detective's thoughts hovered unintelligibly in the fuzzy corners of his mind. They wavered. They shuddered. They disappeared. When Raito had parted, L was left in a state of partial shock and absolute bliss.

"I didn't know that color of red would ever be present on any part of your body, Ryuuzaki." He murmured against the slightly wet lips that were letting out short, sugar-dyed breaths. He let his hands roam beneath the man's clothing, deftly brushing against the obvious arousal present in L's jeans. Another moan escaped the pair of pale lips, echoing Raito's name with every breath, begging him to move forward. To give in to temptation. To taste this forbidden fruit.

L's chest rose and fell unstably, his usually dark and confident gaze was unable to meet that of the younger male's. The arms wrapped around him eased the detective down to a lying down position. His body shuddered and racked in pleasant waves as lips met his skin once more, traveling across his cheek, behind his ear, down his neck. A heated pressure was building in his abdomen, pushing him towards Raito. The arms that were around him slid up the back of his shirt, pushing his need to touch in to overdrive. The chain jingled musically as the raccoon-eyed man slipped his arms around Raito's neck. The hand on his bare back, moved to his chest and dragged themselves in an upwards motion, taking the white cotton shirt with them. The brunet pressed his warm chest against L's. The older man flinched slightly from the bare skin contact. So new and unexplored were these actions, he could only rely on instinct. The shirt he wore slid over him, followed by kisses being spread about his mid-section. A succession of a lick, a suck, and a bite followed, forcing his mind blank, void from any thoughts of the Force, of the Case. Of Kira.

"Nnngh... Raito!" Kisses trailed back up his to his collarbone. A tongue slid up the skin from the base of his neck to his jawline and back down again, biting softly in the process. He arched away from the sheets and clung almost pathetically at Raito's upper back, leaving small curved indents in his partner's tanned skin.

"So cute..." Raito murmured as his hands hooked around the waistband of L's jeans. It was a wonder that L could manage to keep those pants from slipping down during his normal, every-day routine. With his new lover's hands so in the vicinity of his lower region, L's normally baggy clothing was suddenly too tight. Bare skin against bare skin, slight friction between bodies when the brunet lowered himself on to the other man... Every detail engraved in to the survaillence tapes of their room.

_The others! _L's body began to slow, his dull, distant thoughts becoming sharper and crisper with every passing moment. Panic rose in his body, clearing the haze of the seldom felt passionate desparation.

"Th... the others w-will be waiting..."

Suddenly, the brunet halted, his bare chest rising and falling, his face just as flushed as L's. It was as if "panic" was splashed across his face in the form of unnecessarily bright orange paint.

"Shit," Raito breathed, "what are we going to do? What if the rest of the team sees this!" His fists pounded in to the mattress, causing the detective's raven locks to bounce lightly.

"Raito," The black-haired man grasped for the uncuffed hand of his partner and planted a sugar-laced kiss on the brunet's lips, "I'll have Watari remove the cameras from this room and destroy any footage of the two of us together. As for the current situation, please act as if today is a normal day. Relationships in the workplace could be catastrophic in a situation such as this," he paused, "now is the time for us to get dressed."

L stood up from the bed and padded on to the carpeted flooring. He had begun to make his way forward when he was halted by the jingling chain attached to his wrist. Raito chuckled while he led the older man back to the bed. His hand grasped for the hem of the other man's shirt and pulled. With a lean forward, having relaxed from the shock, he brought his lips to meet L's once more.

"There's no need to be so stiff about it."

"I know," L let out an uncharacteristically exasperated sigh, "I am just unsure of how to react to this new situation. Now for both our sakes, please get dressed before I decide to let go of all my self-control," he said, blushing.

"Alright... but I think we still have showers to take."

"Did we not take them last night?"

"There's nothing wrong with being extra clean." He grinned and began to drag the older man by the chain. He gave no resistance, so together, the two slid away in to the bathroom.

* * *

Looks like the change in product has some side-effects.  
Some **smutty** side effects.

If anyone's interested, I have a oneshot called "Bouquet" for the manga V. B. Rose. that needs some love. Check it out? (There's **smut**.) And if you haven't heard of VBR, it's a great series. Girly (it _is_ about a weding dress shop), but so worth reading. Yukari and Mitsuya are so slashable. Haha!

_Je t'aime beaucoup! ~Minikimii  
_


	20. Entry Sixteen

Where did the Disclaimer go? Augh. Blame the Miracle Gro knock-off. It as funny side-effects.  
(**EDIT:** Updated 12-17-08)

I'm falling behind on my writing! Please forgive me... Filler.

* * *

Dear Diary,

I can hardly believe it.

Raito. My Raito.

I know this is unprofessional, immoral even, to become involved with the suspect of one's own murder case. But for the moment, none of that matters, because Raito is here. With me. As of right now, he's trying his best to distract mc fron writiny corectty,

He made me mess up in my writing! Simply unacceptable! I have never crossed my L's before! Anyways, as I was sayiny,

I give up! Raito won't stop tryiny tu mcss mc op:

_C  
L_

--

The detective threw the pencil across the room and pushed the journal off the bed. He turned to face the man whose arms were around him, swiftly catching unsuspecting lips in a soft, sweet kiss. The arms around his waist tightened and drew him closer to the warmth that made his heart flutter more than the daily recommended dose.

"Finally, you're done with writing," Raito breathed, latching his lips to the older man's neck, murmuring, "at that rate, I thought I would never get any of this."

"You could have just waited for me to finish..." He drew in a sharp breath as teeth began to nip at his neck. "You wasted -ah- your time -nngh- messing with my journal." A hand slipped underneath his shirt, finding their way to a nipple and twisting lightly, causing him to whimper. He felt the lips against his skin curve slightly in to a smirk at the sound.

"But it's so much more fun this way."

* * *

It was short, I know... I'm sorry? I didn't even extend the length of this one when I edited. Gah! I'm a failure. -wails- I spent the entire time I was writing listening to **Owl City**. Simply _amazing_ band. (Look them up.)

_Je t'aime beaucoup! ~Minikimii_

P.S. Review? I know I don't deserve it now, but I ask regardless.


	21. Real World: Part Five

Disclaimer: How many more must I write? I do not own Death Note!! -bursts in to tears and injects another shot of Miracle Gro Knock Off in to fic-  
(**EDIT:** Updated 12-17-08)

* * *

He sat in the small confines of darkness, pondering exactly how he had come to be in this situation. The best answers L could come up with consisted mostly of the fact that he was nearly unable to resist Raito's advances.

The brunet's head was tucked in to this shoulder, breath a moist haze of euphoria that threatened to engulf him once more. L laid in an unnatural (well, unnatural to him, but natural to others) position: flat. His arms encircled the waist of his lover, wanting desperately to satisfy him, yet unable to do so. For the past week, there had been so much... action.

Over the past week, the two had done everything from sneaking kisses during work hours to flirting in front of the Task Force to even making sexual innuendos when only Matsuda was in the room. The tension built by day had been relieved through nightly shower episodes (consisting of binding L to the shower head and Raito violating his body in nearly every possible way) and the post-shower euphoria the two would fall victim to every night while Raito snuggled up to L like a small puppy.

Although the past few days had been the perfect dream, the raven-haired man now sat in the darkness, silently cursing himself for what happened the previous night.

_Raito's breath was hot on his neck, hands exploring the bare skin beneath his clothing. Each touch sent another shiver up his spine. He had partly expected for the feeling to wear off over time, but it had only strengthened in intensity. _

_"Ryuuzaki, __I want you."  
_

_"I want you too, Raito," L had smiled, wrapping his more-than-willing arms around the younger man's neck. He pressed his lips against the student's, eyes fluttering shut.  
_

_"No, I mean... in **that** way," Raito stopped suddenly, becoming serious. He took in a semi-shuddery breath and continued, "I want to be _with_ you, L. I want to love you the right way."_

_Waves of irrational happiness, shock, and insecurity crashed over him. Soft cloth met his cheeks as he let the support of his body go and collapsed in to Raito's arms, casuing them both to fall down.  
_

_"R-raito..." __he whispered, watching his hands shake upon his lover's chest, __"I-I do not... kn-know..." _

_Insecurity invaded the innermost depths of his mind and threatened to push him over the edge. It threatened him and stood up quickly in his mind to proclaim that what they had was shoved the feeling aside, disgusted at the part of him that still doubted the morality of it all. Of course, that part was the logical, rational, reasoning part of L that was leading the investigation, but there was no need for him in the bedroom.  
_

_"You don't have to say anything or decide anything, right now. We have time," the younger man assured, pulling him tighter to his chest and pressing a kiss to his forehead._

_"But I... do not kn-know if I c-can. What if I a-am... w__h-what if I'm n-not good enough?"_

_"Ryuuzaki," the younger man pressed a fingertip to his stuttering lips, effectively silencing them, "if you're not ready, then I can wait." A kiss. "And you'll never be 'not good enough.' " Another kiss. "But, L, I just don't know how long I can stay away before you drive me insane..."_

L bit his lip, tasting a bit of Raito and some frosting from the half-finished cake that was sitting on his nightstand.

_I want to make him happy... _Another bite of cake reached his lips. He halfheartedly allowed the jumble of fluffy crumbs to enter the vicinity of his mouth. He secretly wished it was Raito's tongue instead._  
_

"Mmm.... L..."

He looked down at the source whose head had slipped onto his lap. He only ever sat like this ( 'this' being what most people considered normal) when Raito wanted him to. A smile broke across the brunet's smooth, tanned, godly face, instantly illuminating the atmosphere even in his sleep. He brushed back a strand of hair that had fallen across Raito's face and bent down to kiss his sleeping lover. He wanted to make Raito happy. He would do anything. And even though L was slightly uncomfortable at the thought, he decided it would be worth it if his partner was Raito. They had been together long enough for L to know that he wanted to be with Raito in the way that the brunet had mentioned the night before. He ran a finger along the younger man's cheek, enjoying the feeling of light, simple touch, hoping that even in his sleep, that Raito could feel what L was trying to say with each stroke.

_I feel like a blushing schoolgirl, but I think... no. I know I love him. I love him._

If he could make the other man happy, then he would.

* * *

Raito: "You did _what_? With **_who_**! For **_HOW_** many cookies?"  
L: -smiles-

(I can kind of imagine L thinking "I'd do it for free with **_you_**, Raito.")

_Je t'aime beaucoup! ~Minikimii_

P.S. Reviews for the unworthy?


	22. Entry Seventeen

Disclaimer: -Insert humorous disclaimer stating that Death Note rights belong to Ohba and Obata here-  
(**EDIT:** Updated 12-17-08)

* * *

Dear Diary,

There has been a breakthrough in the case. Yesterday. The Yotsuba company. Raito and I were working when he pointed out the stock changes in the company's records and how they tied into the recent mysterious deaths of many powerful business men that would benefit Yotsuba.

(It is currently 3 a.m.)

This could mean that Raito is innocent. I am well-aware of the fact that my being involved with the suspect is an immediate bias toward his situation. However, I can not help but feel elated at the mention of his potential release. Although I am with him, I do still harbor fears of him only using my emotions against myself. Perhaps he has only befriended me to gain the upper hand in this case? Perhaps he is only toying with me... but if he was truly only playing with my feelings, then I am sure I would sense something.  
No, I still would not know. I am not experienced enough in that regard to be able to deduce if his feelings for me are true. I am sure that many couples have their doubts and work through them to ultimately create a stronger bond (except none of them have a murder investigation tied to their names). I should not worry of these things. Too much concentration on my personal affairs will distract me more from the case than it already has.

This is strange. Three months ago, I used to pour on and on about my cases and my progress. This entire journal was once a data log of police cases and observations of people I met. I have realized I am no longer in possession of the excitement I once had for solving crimes. Looking back on my previous entries, I find them void of meaning. Void of feeling. Of life.

Of Raito.

I contacted the House. The cold seems to have left, but studying for the delayed yearly diagnostic exams have started. Roger would not allow for me to disturb Matt. What's the use when he never studies? (Oh, joyous. Living with a college student has made me change my morals.) I believe it is time I purchased Matt his own cell phone. I could maintain contact without having to place Roger in the middle of the entire ordeal.

I need to speak to someone.

This bottling up of frustrations is not healthy.

L

* * *

"She must be a witch! She turned me in to a newt! ... I got better..."

_Je t'aime beaucoup! ~Minikimii_

P.S. Life in the house still sucks, but I can sneak on before everyone else gets home, so it's all good. -grins-


	23. Real World: Part Six

L: Minikimii does not own me, my successors, my life partner, or his stalker.  
Raito: But I told her she could have Misa! Just take Misa** away**! -breaks down, sobbing-  
L: There, there Raito... -pats his head-  
(**EDIT:** Updated 12-17-08)

**CONTENT WARNING.**

(Happy belated birthday, Alexi!!)

* * *

"Ryuuzaki," the voice of the detective's paramour called.

"Yes?" he replied as he turned to see the brunet staring at him.

"Matsuda's an idiot."

He nearly face-palmed. _**Now** of all times? We are in the middle of solving the case. Work and love should not mix.  
_

"Raito, I know," he uncharacteristically groaned, "we _all_ know."

In his mind, he let out another groan. Matsuda gave the two geniuses a sheepish look and Yagami-san cleared this throat.

"I just felt like pointing that out. Especially when he had to fake his own death."

"H-hey! Raito, that w-wasn't my fault!!"

"Yes it was, idiot."

Aizawa looked to the bickering men and cleared his throat and sighed. "Ease up on him, alright, Yagami-kun? Let's just be grateful that no one actually died that night. It was a close call."

The group settled down and L quickly finished the last of his bowl of cantaloupe. The student absentmindedly pulled on the chain between them, making L painfully away of the situation. Now why had they picked on Matsuda? It was quite simple and had nothing to do with the man's ability as an officer. Well, the act had become a signal between the two. In crude terms: when you're horny, make fun of Matsuda and we'll go have some fun in the back.'

Lovely, no?

"Raito, I'm hungry. We're going to the kitchen." It was a wonder that L could keep a straight face and a straight tone.

"Alright, but you better make this quick."

The brunet faked a sigh and rose from his swivel chair to accompany his lover. Once they were out of sight and sound range, the student swept up the other man quickly and ran to the bathroom. L's neck was soon smothered in kisses. A moan escaped the older man's lips as his legs were manipulated in to being wrapped around the torso of the other man. He was shoved roughly against the wall and quickly stripped of his would-have-been-soiled white shirt.

"Finally... I didn't know how long I'd be able to hold on."

"Nngh... Raito!"

He let out a particularly loud moan as he was hoisted up higher against the wall, allowing Raito better access to his body. A tongue flicked out and slowly licked his nipple, causing a prickling set of shivers to run up the whole right side of his body. The back of his ear tingled in that way that had only recently become familiar. He felt the smooth plaster of the wall slide against his back as he was let go of. Before him, the brunet lowered himself onto the cold tile flooring and onto his knees.

"L..."

His name was breathed through soft lips in a half-lust, half-love stupor against his waist. He felt a questioning tug at his waistband and silently consented. Everything slipped off his hips, revealing an unmistakable erection. The brunet lover grinned and pressed his lips to the tip and flicked out the tip of his tongue in a swirling motion that sent the older man in to a state of pure ecstasy. His hips thrusted forward involuntarily only to be held down by a set of hands. A teasing tongue ran across his hip bone that caused pressure to build in mountains in his lower regions.

"Not so fast, love."

He moaned as the wet heat spread itself around his tip. The enticing swirl of that wet tongue, coating and delighting all at once, moved lower and encased his length in a wave of smooth, unrippling velvet. He felt the drag of teeth up his shaft and couldn't help shuddering with both pain and pleasure. he ran his finger through his lover's silken locks. Through his half-lidded lust filled vision, he registered the younger man's flushed face and bare chest, which had sometime in the course of their actions, become bare. He shuddered once more as the heat engulfed him. No matter how many times they had done this loving dance, the enjoyment never lessened. Perhaps it was the skill of Raito's actions. Perhaps it was the thrill of maybe getting caught at any moment. Perhaps it was the way this warmth filled the immense and ever-present chasm in the detective's heart.

No. This was all of it rolled together. This was the mix of unbearable thrill, forbidden love, and wonderous physical pleasure.

The grip on L's hips had loosened and he was thrusting in a craving rhythm in tot he wet cavern of Raito's mouth. Each rock and swing fueled his need, his hunger. With one final, held back thrust, he released in to the brunet's mouth, his seed was swallowed nearly on contact. A muffled scream echoed off the plaster and tiles.

Suddenly, there was a polite knock on the bathroom door. Raito scrambled up from his position on the floor, and both of them looked to each other with slight panic, unable to recover fully from their escapade. They tugged at the shirts that had slid in to a heap in the middle of the chain between them and tried desperately to dress themselves before they could be discovered. The two were able to tidy up and rinse their flushed faces in the sink.

"Yeah?" Raito opened the door to reveal a slightly embarrassed and traumatized looking Matsuda.

"Wh-what were... you t-two doing... in th-there?"

"I had a need to visit the restroom and Raito-san was having a hard time coping with being chained to me as I-"

"O-ok! That's quite enough!!"

The embarrassed man quickly slid into the bathroom and closed the door behind him, leaving the couple in an awkward silence. They took their detour to the kitchen and retrieved an entire cake for L to snack on while they went back to work (after all, he had to replenish is energy).

Just before the two returned to the room where the Task Force was waiting, Raito leaned in to the detective's ear and gave him a kiss, soft as talc.

"You are my aphrodisiac."

* * *

I don't hate Matsuda! He's just too adorably oblivious to not be messed with.

Connie: "How do you say 'fail' in Chinese?"  
(silence)  
Me+Connie: "... There is no word for fail in ASIAN!"  
Teacher: "But there is 'self-sacrifice for the honor of your family.' "

_Je t'aime beaucoup! ~Minikimii_


	24. Real World: Part Seven

Disclaimer: Death Note rights belong to Tsugumi Ohba. But we've got smutty fanfics, so I guess everything balances out in the end.  
(**EDIT: **Updated 12-17-08)

**WARNING****: This chapter contains MAJOR smex overload. ****Read at your own risk**.

A/N: I'm am now apologizing profusely for the wait. I know I said the next chapter would be out soon. I didn't mean to lie! I just... gah. I don't feel like sharing this tidbit of information in a story post. I just couldn't for personal reasons -for the life of me- bring myself to write this chapter. I'm sorry. But, still, please enjoy.

* * *

L was screwed alright.

Well, more like _being_ screwed.

"Nngh..."

Another stifled moan wormed its way out his parted lips, moist and hot. He dig his nails in to the smooth expanse of skin that was the middle of his partner's back. Who had known a college student and suspected criminal would affect the genius in such a way?

"R-raito..."

There was no need to be so silent... at least, that was what L was thinking when he let out a particularly loud and needy moan of the younger man's name. The detective suddenly felt pressure at his crotch again. Raito's hand had wrapped around his arousal, thumb teasing his tip. L's entire body shuddered at the contact, becoming only more and more aroused at each passing wave of stimulation. The student wrapped his hand around the shaft, apply just enough pressure and speed to make his lover tip to the edge, but not over it. L's hips bucked forward in to the brunet's hand, sending shivers through both his body and his partner's. He was tilting off the edge of passion and abyss. The pressure in his lower regions built up against the touch of his lover's dexterous hand. However euphoric this feeling was, he needed more. He wanted release, but couldn't attain it. He wouldn't without having his lover closer to him than ever before. He couldn't without going farther than the two ever had before.

He wanted to be thoroughly dominated.

"Rai... to..." he half gasped, half moaned. The brunet had kissed his way from L's slender hips to a perked nipple on his chest. He flicked his tongue out, grazing the tip with a firm slowness that sparked sensitivity. Slowly, Raito covered the entire bud with his lips, gelty suckling and nibbling at the flesh, sending a sparkling tingle through L's body. L gasped again as Raito switched his attention to the nipple that was pinched between the fingers of his other hand.

"Yes?" the younger man's breath tickled his ear, making the heat flow off his face in waves.

"I want... I-I want..."

"You want this, don't you." It wasn't a question, but a statement.

The brunet grinned, a playfully dangerous glint present in his eyes even in the darkness. L felt fingertips press against his lips. Obediently, he parted his lips and flicked a tongue out and ran it along the length of his lover's index finger before taking the digits in to his mouth. He suckled at Raito's fingers gently and ran his tongue between each individual finger, moistening them as much as possible before the brunet pulled them away from between L's lips. The brunet trailed his fingers from the middle of L's backside and moved down. L flinched slightly at the hint of pressure that ran along his back side and traced around his entrance. The student was right. L wanted it.

He felt the fingers probe wetly in to his backside, sliding in gently, yet firmly. Intrusive and uncomfortable, he was nearly unable to still his constant flinching. The feeling soon became smoother. Another digit was inserted pushing deeper against the boundaries that he had never expected to be reached. His body arched against Raito's, pressing his whole self against his lover. He heard Raito gasp and felt the pressure of the passion that converged with need pooling in his lover's lower regions. He could feel the gentle care that Raito was putting in to preparing him, the way he would adjust and hesitate slightly when he felt his lover squirm uncomfortably.

L craned his head back to face his brunet lover, he beheld the most gorgeous sight his obsidian eyes had ever stumbled upon. Above him was Yagami Raito, looking every bit the god that he was, toned body glistening with sweat and eyes pouring desire. Suddenly, Raito latched his lips to L's, his tongue slipping through the parted lips, tasting the sugary breath that had tickled his neck every night. L had never before in his life even faintly imagined that he would be wanted in such a way. In fact, he had neer imagine anyone could fall in love with him. Sure, he'd had his share of offers at the orphanage, but those were mostly people - both female and male - who only looked at him because had the title of L. They had never bothered to look at him like he was human. To those nameless faces, it was all hero-worship.

But not Raito. Raito was different; different because they were equals.

And then there was the first thrust. He felt his insides stretching, adjusting, aching and fulfilled, all to accommodate for Raito. The constant presence of Raito's chest against his back, hands constantly covering and uncovering, kneading and caressing his body - for the first time in his life, L was completed. Beads of sweat and saliva condensed on his partner's shoulder. His breath quickened more than he thought was humanly possible, reaching a height and space that he never knew existed. The hand that had previously been working the rest of his body refocused to his groin. Raito's hand had wrapped around his arousal, thumb teasing his tip. L's entire body shuddered at the contact, becoming only more and more aroused at each passing wave of stimulation. The student wrapped his hand around the shaft, apply just enough pressure and speed to make his lover tip to the edge, but not over it. The pressure in his lower regions built up against the touch of his lover's dexterous hand. L's hips bucked forward in to the brunet's hand, sending shivers through both his body and his partner's. He was tilting off the edge of passion and abyss. The strokes became a constant pump, rough and quick, running along his length. The friction sent a purple haze in to his mind, echoing nothing but lust and need - primal instinct.

"Raito!" He screamed as the brunet rocked one final thrust in to the detective before spilling his seed in to his lover; L releasing his own in to his lover's hand simultaneously.

They pulled away for a moment, readjusting their positions so that they could face one another. Raito pulled the older man in to his arms, burying his face in the the raven locks and inhaling. The man smelled of sweat, sex, and Raito. Just the way they both liked it.

"L."

To hear his true name mattered not at the moment, but rather made him feel like someone important when Raito spoke it. It was a different importance than what the title hed held as the greatest detective alive. The alias was dropped when they were alone together and this was something they both loved.

"Mmm...?" A sound used as a question.

"I... I love you."

L wrapped his arms around his lover, burying his face in to Raito's neck. He would fall asleep tonight because it had finally happened. Raito loved him.

For now, that was all he needed.

* * *

I guess the Miracle Gro kicked in. They started supplying me again. -grins-_  
_

_Je t'aime beaucoup! ~Minikimii_

P.S. - I hope you enjoyed a chapter of just sex. Haha. And although this isn't your Birthday Gift:  
Happy Birthday_, _Accomplice!! Some RaitoxL SMEX!! just for you?


	25. Real World: Part Eight

Disclaimer: Minikimii does not own Death Note. Portions of the following dialogue are taken from the actual manga and all rights of characters and speech go to Ohba and Obata.  
(**EDIT:** Updated 12-17-08)

* * *

The bright lights of the computer screen were giving him a headache. Sometimes, Raito found himself detesting the fact that L had a laptop handy in the room at all times. Sure, the device was handy when they needed instant access to technology, but at this time of night, he hated how it the overly energetic luminescence of the screen was lighting up the room with an eerie glow that made the detective look washed out and ghost like. In addition to his obvious fatigue, the detective was busying himself with eating the sugar sugar cubes he had propped up in to a nearly two foot tall pyramid by the bed. Each time he reached for a cube, his hand would brush against a neighboring cube, bumping it just slightly out of place. Any other member of the Task Force would not have noticed this slight detail, and if they did, they would have brushed it off as normal. But Raito knew better than that. He knew that L would never allow anything less than imperfection on his pyramids and castles of white, sugared bricks. At this moment, the raven-haired detective's obvious disregard for the condition of his structure was a glaring sign that something was off.

"Ryuuzaki, are you going to be ok?"

The detective sighed and popped the sugar cube from the top of the white pyramid he had been building in to his mouth, taking a few moments to savor the sensation of the bits of crystallized sweetness spreading in to a thin layer of simple joy over his taste buds. Sugar was what drove him now. It kept him from collapsing in the middle of his work and slamming his face in to the computer key board. Matt had joked about how L would one day pass out just to fall forward off his awkward perch on his feet into his computer and would hit just the right keys to simultaneously cause a nuclear holocaust. Sadly, he was exhausted enough to fall forward and truly cause that to happen.

"I am fine, Raito. Do not worry about me. It isn't worth your time."

The expression on the student's face changed in to one of annoyed worry as he suddenly grabbed on to the chains that bound the two of them together, pulling them close enough so that their noses were almost touching. The detective summoned all the self-discipline he could muster and set it to the task of not reacting with any sort of yelp from the sudden movement, especially when the hem and collar of his shirt were now fisted in Raito's trembling hands.

"Never, under _any _circumstance, tell me that you are 'not worth my time,' " the younger man breathed, sending puffs of moist heat in to the space between his lover's lips, "because you _are _worth my time. So if you need me to do anything, change anything, just tell me. Just tell me and I will if it's within my power to."

"I..." the detective faltered, unsure of whether or not to proceed, to reveal his weakness.

Raito sensed the hesitation in the detective's voice and reacted instantly, unclenching his fists and his hold on L's shirt, moving his hands to the small of his lover's back. His arms settled in to their comforting spot along the frail man's sides as he pressed his face against L's neck, planting a butterfly kiss on the pale flesh.

"Hey, it's okay to tell me what's wrong. But I have a feeling I know what it is."

"You... do?"

"Yeah. It's the case, isn't it? The Yotsuba company is going down soon. We'll get him and then use him to track Kira, and then everything will be over. I'm sorry it's been keeping you from sleeping. I wish I could do more to help."

L was slightly shocked, but he did think it was pretty obvious what was wrong with him - so obvious that even Amane-san could figure it out. There was a lot wrong with him, but Raito had told him that those quirks were what made him so alluring in the first place. He was beginning to question the brunet's sanity for even choosing him as a partner, but that was only a fleeting thought in the corner of his mind that rested beside the thought that he was chosen by Raito purely for the fact that he was hunting Kira. This wasn't the first time L had doubted how Raito felt. A relationship with the suspect, the potential opposition, that was also your ally would be a downfall.

"Raito," L spoke, enunciating every letter in his name, "it's not the case. I have chronic insomnia."

"You slept last night."

"Well..." the detective blushed slightly, "that's because... because... well, you know."

"Sorry, sorry. Please, carry on."

"Because of my insomnia, I cannot sleep when I wish to. I have a high enough stamina, so do not worry about me."

"But... but what happens when you can't stand the stress?"

"I lose consciousness when the stress overwhelms my body. Watari has the proper medical training and knowledge of how to take care of me. There is no need to go to a hospital when he already has the knowledge of the equivalent of three doctors twenty years in to the business."

"No, I want to know what happens to _you _when you fall asleep. Do you ever dream? And for how long do you sleep? And... where?"

"Well, obviously, I collapse and wake in a bed. I am quite sure that even you are able to tell me that. As of the term 'sleep', I feel perhaps 'pass out' or 'lose consciousness' is more accurate in description. I never dream. Watari has told me that I go in to a coma of sorts and that I twitch slightly and sometimes mumble, but I do not remember my dreams. It is impossible for me to wake for the first seventeen hours of my vulnerable state."

There was a moment of awkward silence. Suddenly, with a light "oof", Raito plopped on to the bed with L still in his arms. This time, the detective was unable to stop himself from yelping slightly, for the sudden fall had quite honestly startled him. He tensed slightly, but was coerced in to relaxing as he felt strong arms and a defined chest press themselves against his body. He felt a set of hands slip under his shirt, caressing his skin in a way that lulled him in to relaxed sleepiness. There was no arousal when his entire being (mainly his abdominal region, actually) was sore from the night before.

"What are you doing?" he yawned slightly and snuggled closer in to the warmth beside him.

"Let me help you sleep for real tonight. You deserve it."

- -

Raito would have loved to know when L had woken up, or if the human raccoon had really even fallen asleep the night before, because the moment he had woken up, the older man was already typing away at his laptop. The brunet sat up in the bed and stretched his arms, yawning and simultaneously grabbing L closer to him.

"Raito, you must be careful with the kind of equipment I have with me. We mustn't be wasteful of the expensive things around us."

He laughed and ignored the scolding.

"Did you even go to sleep last night?"

"Yes."

"Oh really? And for how long?"

"Three."

"Three? Three what?"

"Three hours."

A slight laugh escaped the brunet's lips, tickling L's neck with a puffs of warm, moist air. He loved this, the feeling of being wanted. Treated like he was equal.

"So what are you doing up?"

"I bought Matt a cell phone."

Puzzled, Raito pressed his face against the back of L's neck and took a few moments to recollect himself before saying, "Isn't that the guy who was harassing you on the phone that one night?"

"Yes, I suppose you could put it that way."

"Why are you buying him a cell phone? Wouldn't that just give him more opportunity to bother you at all odd hours of the day?"

"He's my self-appointed therapist. That child has no manners," the racoon-eyed man leaned back in to his lover's arms, sighing happily as he was received almost instantaneously.

"Child. Your therapist is a child. You go to a child for your life issues."

"Yes. Don't be surprised. He's quite bright, really."

"Oh, whatever am I going to do with you?"

Raito's attention suddenly spiked up to high alert when we he realized that in his post-waking state, he had been overpowered by his partner and was now pinned to the bed with his hands above his head. The face of his insomniac lover leaned in close to his own, lips brushing in a light yet lusting kiss.

"Oh, I can think of a few things..."

- -

"This is almost beyond tiring," he said, leaning back in his chair, stretching his arms up just enough to reveal the first peeks of his well-toned abdomen. L sucked in a nearly inaudible breath, causing the younger man beside him to chuckle. Teasing in the workplace was quite unfair in his opinion. To distract himself once more, L turned back to the small bowl of sugar cubes on his right, stacking the first of the fallen cubes of the snow-white tower on the handle of his tea cup.

"You must persevere. How do you expect catch Kira if you laze about like that?"

"Haha, you underestimate me. I have hidden depths of stamina." He winked at his partner.

"Guys, it's Misa-Misa! She's back!" Matsuda suddenly jumped out of his seat, screaming, "Hurry up! Let her in!!"

On the screen on one of the cameras, they saw an excited Misa waving her arms about like a blow-up wavy cactus that was stuck on the side of the road near car dealerships. The two geniuses simultaneously groaned. Half was for the fact that Matsuda was so easily excitable and ditzy. The other half was for the fact that Misa Amane had returned.

"Dear Lord, calm down already. We're letting her in," Aizawa called out to the childish Task Force member, causing him to blush and apologize like usual.

In a mere four minutes, every member of the Task Force was in the room, staring at the young model's cell phone in awe as it played the ever incriminating audio clip she had taken.

"Misa," Raito suddenly stood up, "how did you get Higuchi to confess such a thing?"

"Huh? He's totally in to Misa. When I said 'I would Marry Kira', this is what happened!" She pointed her index finger in his face and spouted the whole sentence in an overly-cheery tone that nearly bled happiness, "he thinks that Misa is the Second Kira!"

The blonde grinned up at Raito, eyes eager for an "award" of some sort.

_Very likely that she's waiting for a congratulatory statement and a kiss._ L thought with spite, immediately scolding himself when he realized how negative he was being._ Raito is mine. I have no need to think or even feel this way._

And with that self-reassurance, he settled back in to the conversation, restacking the sugar cubes that had fallen in Matsuda's energetic outburst.

"Idiot, I told you to deny that no matter what. It was supposed to be that 'accusations of being Second Kira were wrong!' "

"B-but with this you know that Higuchi-san is Kira, so you just have to capture him..."

"No, if all seven of the members say 'in order to draw in Misa who is the Second Kira, we will stop the punishment' then we wouldn't know who Kira is." The detective had decided to throw in his two cents.

"Wait. All we'd have to do is have Namikawa determine whether this sort of conversation has occurred between the seven of them before the punishment is stopped."

"That's true. If Higuchi has Kira's power, then it should stop without anyone saying anything. If he doesn't have it, then he would have to hold a meeting saying 'in order to draw in the Second Kira, stop the punishment.' I don't think that Higuchi would act individually and appeal to Kira. Anyways, all we have to do is ask Namikawa."

"However," the police chief interjected, "we can't trust Namikawa to speak the truth can we?" The agitation in his voice was evident - he hated being excluded as L and his son were doing most of the work thinking aloud.

"No, if we go that far, then we'd tell him that Higuchi is Kira and he will not lie, thinking that he has no choice but to join L's side."

_This is getting ridiculous. We are wasting our time speaking of the obvious._

"Regardless, if the killings stop now then we would know that Higuchi has kira's power. That would definitely be true," L said as he placed the seventh cube of the tower atop the previous six already balanced on his tea cup, a small smile lighting his face.

"It would be," Raito agreed.

"This is what you call a meritorious deed, right Matsuda-san?" he called out behind him, taking another sugar cube in his fingertips and placing it gently on to the two squares of red bean jelly conjoined by a single toothpick. He nearly felt Matsuda's awkward modesty in waves from behind his back.

"We can't just say that, Ryuuzaki. At this point, we still don't know what Kira's weapon is."

"That's the case. More than capturing Higuchi, I want to know first how he is killing his victims."

"And if the punishment of the criminals stop, you won't be able to see the method."

"Yes."

"Then what do we do? At this rate, Misa will get killed."

L felt a slight pang of jealousy in his chest when Raito spoke. He knew that his lover was just being the man he naturally was; caring and protective, but even the hint of favoring Misa - intentional or not - sent his heart in to a frenzy. He decided to change the subject before that steady pounding and burning it began to mesh and muddle with his thought process.

"Misa-san."

"Yes?"

"How did you make Higuchi think that you are the Second Kira?"

"Uh... Uhm..." the model paused, expression becoming unnerved and voice wavering, "I said 'I can kill people.' I kind of said 'to the first person who shows proof they are Kira to Misa and that person is male, then I'll marry them' and pretended to appeal to and favor Kira . Then the conversation moved on to the point where Higuchi said this."

_I don't believe her..._

"Then if the criminals stop dying, then Misa-san has to kill people or it will be bad for you. Can you kill people?" He responded, looking back toward his cubes, fighting the urge to pop one in to his mouth and let the sugar steal his attention away for just a moment; just long enough to forget Misa for a few seconds and collect his thoughts.

He voice rose to an indignant and hurt tone as she proclaimed, "You know I can't do that. But Higuchi just wants to marry Misa, so he wouldn't kill her."

"No. Marriage with Misa isn't his first priority," the student said brusquely, "If you weren't the second Kira, he would just kill you."

"Oh, Raito," Misa giggled, "are you jealous of Higuchi? Don't worry! The one Misa will marry is Raito!!"

There was a moment of awkward silence between the two lovers. Raito's eyes met L's and they both turned away slightly flustered.

"... It's no good," Raito finally managed, "we can't just be talking about killing methods. Let's go get Higuchi!"

"In order to prevent danger to Misa-san?"

"Yes."

Suddenly, L felt the dull pulsing, burning pain in his chest tighten and pinpoint to a shrill spot, inserting itself deeper in to his body. He realized the hurt had shone through in his eyes as Raito's eyebrows suddenly relaxed in to a sorry expression.

"Misa thought that this would get Higuchi captured and did this. We can't do anything else and we could still possibly find out the the method of killing after capturing Higuchi," Raito's words tumbled out from between his lips quickly, an obvious attempt to fix the quick abruptness with which he had so steadfastly advocated protecting Misa a few seconds before. L could hear it and his hand shook with uncertainty only the brunet could catch as he lifted on cube from the tower atop his red bean jelly and finally succumbed to the sugary temptation.

"Watari," he said suddenly, turning his attention to the computer monitors, "get me Wedy."

_"Yes."_

"How is it, Wedy?"

_"Inside the company, it's possible to follow the seven's movements with the cameras. Outside though, it's impossible to with just Watari and myself. There simply is an inadequate amount of manpower."_

"How about focusing on Higichi?"

_"Higuchi?"_

"Yes."

Wedy relayed the information she had gathered to the Task Force, affirming the suspicions the group had been discussing.

"Install cameras in Higuchi's cars."

_"Huh. Going this far. Do you have any idea how hard it is to get in peoples' houses? And how many cars do you think Higuchi has?"_

"He has six."

An exasperated sigh came from the other end before she spoke, _"Alright. I will put them in all of his cars."_

"Thank you."

Suddenly, Misa jumped up excitedly, an expression of ridiculous proportions of happy giddiness lighting her face. "Then when Misa meets Higuchi again she should talk to Higuchi so he tells her how he kills people, right?"

"NO!" Raito suddenly yelled, causing Matsuda, Soichiro, and Aizawa to jump back slightly. Mogi just stayed in place. "If you ask something like that, he'll know you aren't Second Kira and try to kill you. Misa, don't do any more!!"

"That's true," L said, tone becoming more disconnected and eyes more distant with each passing word, "after the criminals stop dying if Higuchi meets Misa, he will obviously tell her to kill someone. Let's make a situation where Higuchi was forced to kill someone in front of us."

"You have an idea?" Raito asked.

"It's not that I don't have one, but before that, there's something that's been bothering me..." he paused, weighing whether or not he should ask. The investigation was important to him, but what of his person relationship with Raito? They were finally so close...

"Yagami-kun," he finally decided, "I'm sorry to return the topic to this, but I'm going to ask you frankly."

"What?"

"Do you remember killing them?"

"Are you still saying that? How many times do I have to tell you I'm not Kira!!"

Any other onlookers would have said that his eyes had grown dark with hate. L snuck a glance behind him and realized that they were dark with hurt._ I trust you. Don't you trust me?_ They seemed to be saying. He couldn't let this get to him now.

"Please answer the question. Do you remember?"

"No, I don't remember," he said through clenched teeth and fists.

_I'm so sorry, Raito, but my job is too important to leave any stone unmoved and any leaf unturned._

"How about you, Misa-san?"

"I don't remember because I'm not Kira or anything," she said, glaring all too artificially to be convincing.

_If there was ever an incriminating line like this one..._

"Yagami-kun, I want you to seriously reason through everything I say from now. From this answer we can take off to capture Kira." He glanced up, insomnia-infected eyes meeting the clear orbs that were the window to Raito's soul. "Yagami Raito was Kira and now that power of Kira has transferred to someone else. Currently, Yagami Raito has forgotten that he was Kira. This is an analysis using this as a premise... Are you able to think this way?"

Raito looked away, obviously hurt from the accusations, answering in a disconnected tone, "... yes, I think I can."

"Yagami Raito was Kira and Kira's power was transferred to someone else. Was this transfer by Yagami Raito's own descision or was there another entity behind Yagami Raito who gae him the power he moved from Yagami Raito to another person?"

Silence. The room was stiff. Matsuda shuffled nervously and was elbowed by Aizawa and shushed to be quiet. Soichiro and Mogi stood by, intent on the outcome of this conversation.

"Which is it?"

The student stopped and closed his eyes, facial expression hardening and then relaxing. When his eyes opened again, the clear orbs had become glaring weapons that shot a wave of detestation straight to L.

_Raito, please don't hate me for this. It is essential to the investigation that I do this... Please understand that._

"If that is the premise, then it's Yagami Raito's descision," he spoke, visibly trying to even his breathing as the words left his lips.

"That is true. If there was another person who could give the power and move from person to person and didn't want the method of killing to be known, then it would be strange for them to have waited until the last minute to move on. If we were to say that he gave the power and then didn't bother with them, it's highly unlikely that they would move from Yagami-kun and Misa-san together at the same time."

Misa shuffled in her nurse outfit uncomfortably.

"That's right," the brunet sighed, "even if it's an entity that can control people from the shadows, unless it was in the headquarters itseld, it would have to be an entity that couls watch the whole story from the heavens. And if it can do that, then what we're talking about is already known to it."

"So it seems that you have reached the same conclusion as me. There's no way that such a being could exist." _Even if Raito was Kira... _"Kira's power only works at the will of the one who holds the power."

Another stiff and stiffling silence held the room. L could feel his lover's eyes boring holes in his back. He dared not turn around and instead stared at the now empty tea cup before him.

"Yagami-kun," he started suddenly, causing the people in the room to jump slightly, "thanks to you I'm ninety-nin percent relieved. We should create an invironment where Higuchi can't pass on the power and where he will show us the method of killing."

"What are you going to do?" Soichiro finally asked after his long period of silence.

"The first plan that Yagami-san thought of, to expose everything on Sakura TV. We'll use that to hook Higuchi."

"But nobody believes anything at Sakura... Oh wait. I see. It's because we're using Sakura TV that no one believes that we can do this."

"Yes. The 'Kira Special Show.' Right now, no one believes it and the viewer ratings are three percent at best. The Ministry of Public Management ignores it as well. However, only Kira knows that what we will be saying is true. We just need to take a three hour slot that says we will announce who Kira is at the end of the show."

- -

"Why did you do that?" Raito cornered L in to the bathroom by the sink and the door, pressing his entire body against his lover's and pushing the older man against the wall.

"Do what?"

"That... that... Accusing me of being Kira again, dammit!" He nearly yelled, the hurt showing through in his voice, "Don't you trust me?"

"Of course I trust you, Raito," he murmured, leaning forward, "I just can't trust Kira."

Suddenly, Raito pulled away, falling to the floor and holding his head in his hands.

"I want to feel like _I _can trust you, Ryuuzaki. You make that so... so... so difficult. Do you really think I am Kira?"

"I..."

_The evidence points toward you being Kira, but I don't _want _you to be Kira. I don't know if I would be able to handle it if you _were _Kira._

"I'm sorry, Ryuuzaki."

" 'Sorry?' Why are you sorry?"

"I think for the sake of the case and for our sake... I think we need to take a break."

- -

Yagami Raito sat in the helicopter, heart beating with an almost fatal amount of adrenaline spread through his body. The helicopter's blades were whipping and slicing the air above him, amplifying the sense of urgency and panic that Raito felt because this was it. They were going to take Kira down, and even if this Higuchi man wasn't Kira, he would no doubt have some sort of clue regarding the whereabouts of Kira. There was definitely something that he possessed, something that would inevitably link this Kira to the old one - the original psychopath.

A quick glance to his left affirmed that the detective was not as worried as he was. L simply sat there sipping his tea.

_How can he be so calm? Especially after earlier today... _

Raito's thoughts flashed back tot he encounter in the bathroom and how L had suddenly grown so quiet and distant when he said the word "break". He had wanted the older man to object, but that didn't happen. Instead, he simply stood there and accepted it; accepted that it wasn't working.

"Ahhh!"

A scream suddenly interrupted his thoughts, and the student's head jolted up to see his father on the ground, screaming and cowering from some unseen "monster". Raito watched as his father tried vainly to grab at a gun that wasn't in his coat. The others were rushing to him now. Taking the notebook from his hands, Mogi suddenly looked up and began screaming as well.

"What's wrong," Raito called into the headpiece, "Father, Mogi-san."

_"Th-this monster... It appears that any... anyone wh-who t-touches the notebook... can see it!" _came the voice of the older man through the headpiece, panic dripping from every syllable._  
_

_"_Please bring that notebook to the helicopter."

About forty feet away, Mogi stood up and carried the notebook to the helicopter were a slightly fidgety L was perched upon the seat by the open door. As the notebook neared him, L leaned forward slightly to pinch the notebook between his fingertips. The moment the older man and the book made contact, Raito could see his every expression shift from disbelief to mild surprise to procession to realization and, finally, to... depression? Or was that desperation? How could the two expressions possibly look the same? Suddenly, L's features shifted to nearly blank. It was the monotonous expression he had worn when the detective and the student had first met, before they were friends, before _them_. He didn't like that expression on his lover's face. He didn't like how L's entire body had tensed in to a ball, he didn't like how L had stopped paying attention to his tea. And Raito felt a desperate need to disconnect the detective from the notebook.

"Ryuuzaki, is it true? Let me see that!" the student called somewhat nervously, crouching over behind the frail sweet-tooth-on-legs and plucking the bound papers in his hand.

Suddenly Raito knew nothing and everything. His senses were enveloped by a feral, mourning cry that seemed almost inhuman. His subconscious mind whispered to his sanity that the sounds was simply him screaming. Flashes of what he supposed was his life blinked in and out of rapid focus in his mind.

_Death Note, power, justice, "human whose name is written in this note shall die", 13 days, Raye Penbar, dead, train, notes in envelope... Naomi Misora, FBI, alias, fiancee, suicide, NPA... Ryuuk, cameras, Apples, Shinigami, Rem, Misa, Aoyama, "showed each other our notebooks", Second Kira, ownership, swtich, bury, watch, "pull four times and the base will slide out, revealing a concealed scrap of the Death Note", crash, nursery, hostages, test, "Gods of Death love apples"... fight, justice, confined, reign, God, Ryuuzaki, L, L, L, L, L, L L L L L L... _

"Raito, are you alright? Anyone who saw that monster would be surprised, but..." the detective trailed off, growing worried with each passing moment of his lover's silence, "Raito, is everything okay?"

There was no answer for a few moments. Nothing around the brunet registered in his mind. The sound of the chopper blades was but a simple buzz, muffled in to background noise by his trance and no longer a nuisance.

"If you write someone's name in to something like this, they will die. Can you believe that?"

"What? I... it's hard to believe, but there's no way we can test that, right Yagami-san?"

He tuned out of the conversation, vaguely aware of his father replying in a panicked voice. He was only aware of his hands gripping the Death Note like it was his life source. He needed to make sure that the memories stayed intact.

L turned back around to see the younger man staring in to the empty space before him, eyes blank and unseeing.

"Raito, are you..."

But he heard nothing. All the student needed to do was keep physical contact with the Note.

"I'm going to cross-reference the names in the notebook with our victims list," he spoke mechanically, fingers reaching toward the computer's key board on their own accord.

"Um, yes, ah... that's right."

_I mustn't rush this. This is my only chance to have the note book in my hands, my only chance to reclaim ownership._

"Ryuuzaki, I'm only on the first page, but the names in the notebook and the names of the victims match so far. Shall we check them all just to make sure?"

"Yes."

As if he needed that confirmation. The brunet was unable to register the look of slight worry in L's usually dull eyes. Instead, he reached his left hand around the to watch that he always wore on his right hand.

"But with such a monster in front of our eyes, you still managed to stay collected and thought of checking the names on the victims list. Yagami-kun, you are amazing."

_I have to make small talk. Distract him._

"You think? I was shocked for a while, but now I'm starting to think that this way everything makes sense. Next thing we have to do is separate Higuchi from that monster and question the, right?"

The base of the watch slipped out with a slight shuffle. Raito pricked his fingertip with the pin attached to the watch, unflinching from the slight discomfort. With very slight dexterity, he managed to scratch in Higuchi's name in blood.

_How fitting, blood as the ink of death. Now I just have to wait forty seconds and everything will be in place._

"Ryuuzaki, if we take this notebook to the lab, do you think we'll learn something from it?"

"It's not like you to say such things, Yagami-kun. That notebook is far beyond science."

_This is the longest forty seconds of my life... _

He exhaled, sweat forming at his hair line, trickling down the side of his face. He dared not to move though, for a stray movement might cause him to miss out on the ownership. He needed to hold on for those last few seconds.

_Twenty three... Twenty two... just keep holding it until the moment Higuchi dies. Just hold on..._

"Huh," Raito smirked for the first time in months, "I guess you're right."

_Three... Two... One... Zero._

Right on cue, there was a guttural, near-choking sound. Within a second, Higuchi had shaken, convulsed, and collapsed.

"Wha-What happened?"

_"Higuchi has collapsed! He's unconscious!!"_

"What are you doing, dad? If Higuchi does now, then... then..."

_"No, this is impossible... I think... I think he's dead." _Yagami stuttered.

The note. His note. This was now his Death Note. After the laborious months of enduring the glaring, scrutinizing eyes of the Task Force, he was done. The Death Note was back in his possession and everything was going according to plan.

_**I am Kira.**_

_**

* * *

**_So it kinda turns out that the Miracle-Gro was really just old water that smelled kinda funny. Yeah, I know.  
Well, the Plot Bunnies copulated quite successfully. I was originally going to make this chapter longer, but I felt it would be better to cut it in half. I'm glad I did, too.

The credit for the majority of the dialogue in this chapter goes to the writer of Death Note. I have some readers who aren't so familiar with Death Note, so I took the time to explain the situation as best I could without boring everyone to death.

_Je t'aime beaucoup! ~Minikimii_

P.S. I would love a review. (Shameless pleading for author fodder. Lawl.)_  
_


	26. Entry Eighteen

Disclaimer: Death Note is not mine. And even if I owned it, I doubt I would be able to keep the plot going without it revolving around SMAX. It would definitely be in the yaoi section.  
(**EDIT: **Updated 12-17-08)

* * *

Dear Diary,

I cannot believe that it is turning to this. He no longer wants me. What went wrong? He should know that the case is a very high priority in my life. Kira must be stopped and I cannot ignore the evidence there is against him. Still, I find myself wishing that I had said something when he spoke of wanting a break.

Now, with Higuchi dead, I cannot begin to explain the change that I have witnessed in Raito. Something is certainly wrong. He is distant once more and I an sorry I did not do more to keep our relationship intact. Everything was going so well. Finally, we both had something we wanted that we could keep. I had someone intelligent enough, yet caring enough to want to keep me and not become frustrated with my speech and habits. I had him and I let him slip through my fingers. No amount of indulgence in the things I love shall ever make up for this mistake. How could I have let this happen?

Dwelling and moping about these things will not help. Matt was bought a cellphone this morning and I hope that I will be able to contact him. Although I am showing blatant favoritism toward the young gamer, I know that he is wise enough to not let the favoritism seem overwhelming. Mello and Near are bright children. I am sure they would understand why I have befriended Matt so thoroughly.

These things are muddled about in my head right now. I must speak with Matt as soon as possible. I simply must.

_L_

* * *

Thanks for reading? I'm pushing it, but I'd love to get a review. -hint-hint- (not that anyone would review such a freaking short 'chapter'.) Oh, and it's choppy. I know that. Lawl. But for those of you asking for more diary entries, believe me, they're coming.

_Je t'aime beaucoup! ~Minikimii_

(P.S. House of SMAX? Lawl.)


	27. Entry Nineteen

Disclaimer: Death Note does not belong to a (partly rabid) Asian yaoi fangirl.  
(**EDIT: **Updated 12-17-08)

* * *

Dear Diary,

Those three names: Higuchi. Raito. Kira.

What is the connection? As of the arrest five days ago, Raito has not been speaking with me. All contact between the two of us has been made through prompting by the Task Force and Watari.

I have not slept for a long time now and spend my waking hours speaking with Shinigami Rem, een when Raito is asleep. From my conversations with her, I have come to understand that any human that comes in to contact with the Death Note can see the Shinigami. I have verified that names written in the Death Note are the names of the criminals that wrongfully died. Although I know I should not be trusting a Shinigami, I feel as though Rem has the type of personality that does not lie, but rather withholds information.  
But I do not care. This case no longer bothers me. The killing have stopped, but some part of me feels as though this stop is only temporary.

I have attempted to contact Matt, but I suppose he is finally motivated to focus on his studies. Part of me wonders if this change is because he now has a goal he wants to work for.  
Mello and Near. I have not written regarding those two for quite some time now. I wonder how those two are faring. Last time I checked, Mello had not yet come to terms with him, Matt, and Near having to co-inherit the title of L.

Raito. He does not leave my mind. I should have said something when he spoke of wanting to take a break. I am afraid that I have ruined my one chance of finding something consistent in my life. Money, Intelligence, Fame... none of it is worth the happiness I felt in Raito's arms.

_L_

_**

* * *

**_So I decided I could make my own "Miracle-Gro". I just have to let the water draining out of the plant pots sit for a few more days. The label says there are long-term angst side-effects.

_Je t'aime beaucoup! ~Minikimii_


	28. Real World: Part Nine

Disclaimer: Minikimii does not own Death Note.  
(**EDIT: **Updated 12-17-08)

I said I was going to post this later, but I couldn't help it! You know how I am with my self-control.

* * *

_"Matt, it is... me. Ryuuzaki. Do not try to call me back. I will attempt to get a hold of you once more in three hours time. I am well aware that in three hours, the time in England will be eight p.m. I apologize for interrupting anything, but I must contact you before... before... he __wakes up."_

_"It is me again. You - quite obviously - did not pick up. I will call once more in an hour."_

_"Matt. Please why are you not picking up? I am beginning to worry. Please answer. I will try again tomorrow if time permits it, but I am not sure if I will be able to contact you again for many days. Happy Holidays. Send Mello and Near my apologies." _

Matt closed his cell phone with a click and a sigh. Yearly Diagnostic Exams were over and the redheaded boy sat on the bed, his DS cast aside as if it were worth nothing. Although he never quite cared about the idolized detective the way the rest of the children in the orphanage did, he still loved L. No, not in a romantic way (he had Mello for that now) but in the way of a best friend.

"Matty, what's wrong?" the blond boy laying in his lap inquired, eyeing the shiny, new red cell phone warily.

The voice he had heard on the other end sounded familiar, but strangely panicky. His ears were sharp enough to know that much. Matt had not told him where he had gotten the cell phone and the other children of the orphanage were not allowed to purchase cellular devices. The only way for someone to be able to have one was it they had received one as a gift from either another child during the holidays or an outside party as payment for a job well done using their specific talent. The only way to acquire personal electronics and not have them confiscated was if someone else bought them for you. During the holidays, children were often seen having new devices. The risk of theft was high, for professional thievery was something that the House often ended up nurturing in the wilder souls.

Matt hesitated, unsure of whether or not he should be telling his Mello about this. Mello was one to panic, being the boy that was well known for his passion for life; unsuccessfully trying to beat Near. Not that it ever counted for anything, seeing that a feat such as conquering the frigid Near was unheard of. Naturally.

"It's... It's L," he admitted, wincing when Mello's reaction was instantaneous.

"L? Is something wrong? Is he ok?"

The panic in the blond's voice rose slightly. He was never one to stay calm in these situations. The blond's eyes widened in slight shock, fists tightening on the fabric of Matt's pajamas. Anything resembling a calm Mello was really code for train wrecked emotions. From the other side of the room, Near looked up from his legos. A look of interest crossed his features, but left as quickly as it came, a blank mask readjusting itself in its wake. Mello began trembling slightly, unable to conceal his sudden worry for his idol. Although he was not particularly close to the older man, he knew that he cared for his well-being. In a sense, that man was his teacher and his role model.

"Relax, Mel," he whispered soothingly, laying down and holding his arms open for Mello.

"I-I can't... I mean, Matty, he's..."

"Shh..." Matt soothed, "I know, but we have to stay strong for him."

The blond eased himself into the gamer's arms with an exasperated, yet contented sigh. Matt ran his fingers through the golden strands of his Mello's hair. He hated calling Mello 'his boyfriend'. Technically, Mello was his boyfriend, but he didn't like to think of Mello in that way. In fact, attaching people labels (such as boyfriend, girlfriend, stalker, or accomplice - however conventional or ridiculous they were) was something he generally hated. The boy beside him was simply 'his Mello' and his Mello was almost unattainable. The only reason Matt put the possessive of 'his' before Mello's name in his thoughts was because Mello had proclaimed himself as belonging to Matt and solely Matt. And even then, 'his Mello' still felt too stifling in his thoughts.

The blond sighed again, pulling the redhead down to lay beside him, vaguely aware of Near eyeing them from the adjacent bed. Although the three of them shared one room, there was only enough space for a total of two beds. Roger had placed a cot on the floor, instructing then to 'share the cot and play nice'. Instead, Mello and Matt shared a bed and Near was subject to sleeping alone. Not that he seemed to mind. The orphanage had nice heating anyway.

"But what about L?" Mello asked, voice growing fainter with each passing word, "I know you and L are close..."

He couldn't finish his sentence as the gamer's slightly calloused fingertip silenced his musings.

"Mel," the redhead spoke his name, eyes softening, voice stabilizing.

"Yeah, Matty?" he responded.

"I'm not going to lie to you: I don't know if he's okay or not-"

"Matt!"

"-but, I promise to talk to him tomorrow when he calls and find out. Please don't stress over this. Just go to sleep."

The chocolate addict sighed discontentedly and snuggled closer to his gamer. He pulled the redhead's arms around him and settled his own around the other's slim, bare hips. Burying his face into the crook of Matt's neck, he decided to try calming himself down. Fingers running through his golden strands of hair made him sleepy. Concentrated on breathing properly, he began taking in Matt's peppermint (yes, peppermint) scent that had come to mix with the chocolate that lingered on his own skin. It cooled his passions and left his nerves relaxed. Once he had filled up on the mix of peppermint and chocolate, he exhaled deeply until he felt lightheaded, a smile spreading across his lips as he realized his boyfriend's skin smelled like he did. Mello pressed his lips to the front of Matt's bare shoulder, surreptitiously flicking out his tongue. Even his boyfriend's skin tasted similar.

"Alright, Matty," he whispered and kissed the other boy, "Good night, then."

Upon the contact of their lips, Matt relaxed, not realizing he was so tense before. The state of his body was now comparable to falling into a glob of putty. Languid kisses were issued from his lips to Mello's, laced with a hushed hint of sweet nothings, as smooth and as deep as the chocolate his Mello loved. Energy running low, he knew he was tired as hell and could probably sleep through the night and wake in the same - if not, worse - condition too. Mello sensed this and broke the contact, snuggling up to his lover fro warmth.

"Good night, Mel," he whispered, kissing the blond boy back one last time before settling into a more comfortable position for the night, "and sweet dreams."

- -

**The Next Night**

"Is this M-Matt?"

"Yeah, it's me. Are you ok? What's that sound?"

"A-are you... are y-you alone right n-now, Matt?"

"No, but are you alright?"

"... You are... not alone? Of the pr-previous times I have -sniff- c-called you... you have always b-been... al-alone. What has ch-changed?"

"Roger made us sleep in the same room. Me, Near, Mello... Yeah. Something about wanting Near to become social, for Mello to calm down, and for me to learn to have some drive. Can't complain though... Wait. L, are you cr-"

"I-I understand... Who are y-you with?"

"I'm just with Mello right now."

"Oh..."

"Do you want me to ask him to leave?"

"W-would you, please?"

"Sure. Just wait a sec."

"..."

"Back. It wasn't easy. Mello wants me to give him details later. He also wants to talk to you when we're done."

"Oh."

"..."

"Are you crying?"

"N-no..."

"..."

"... M-Matt?"

"Yes, Ryuuzaki?"

"I am... in l-love with Raito."

"Yeah, I know that. It was pretty freakin' obvious the first time you started talking about him. You know that, right?"

"Y-yes."

"..."

"..."

"There's something seriously wrong. You're never this quiet... What happened?"

"I do not kn-know how to explain... but I sh-shall make an ef-effort to-"

"Ryuuzaki, I don't want you playing around with eloquence right now. Try not to cry now, ok? Just speak to me. What happened? Why are you crying?"

"... He wanted to take a break and I did not know what to say so he decided that I meant a yes and then we went and caught Higuchi that night and met the Shinigami and said something about not knowing who Kira was and Raito started acting really weird and I got worried, so I wanted to ask him what was wrong and he would not talk to me and has not talked to me for eight days now and I cannot sleep because every time I try to I dream about him and I know you are going to say something about not being able to dream, but I swear this is true and I have been thinking of him like there is no tomorrow and I cannot believe that he has infiltrated my mind to this degree and when I wake up, I find myself more exhausted than before because I miss him so badly and I wish he never asked to take a break because now I wish I had said something and I did not mean to insult him when I was asking if he was Kira when Amane-san brought the recording and I did not know he would react like this because I thought he was just tired of hearing the accusations over and over again and knew that it was part of the act to make sure the Task Force did not know about us and I just cannot think at this moment because my head is pounding from the massive amounts of sugar that I ingested over the last eight days without really using to think because I was worrying instead and unable to think straight from the lack of, well, to put it quite simply, the lack of logic I possessed in my own mind, which is quite a pathetic and uncharacteristic thing to-"

"L."

"Oh... My apologies."

"Well, I'm just glad you were able to get that all out. From what I understand, it's nighttime in Japan. Raito must be sleeping."

"Yes, he is."

"Are you sure? Last time you said so, he was already awake when you thought he wasn't."

"Well, there is no chance that he is awake. I waited approximately 45 minutes to make sure he was asleep before I called you."

"Alright then, but keep your voice down. He might hear you."

"Yes..."

"... L, I've never seen you act like this before. You're never this submissive, this passive. I'm sorry, but I'm not sure how I can help you. The best I can do is ask you some questions to see how you're feeling. Is that okay with you?"

"Yes."

"I'm going to start now."

"Shoot."

"Bang!"

"No, I meant for you to begin."

"Yeah, haha, I know. I'm just glad I got you to smile. Don't tell me you didn't, I could hear it in your voice. Anyways, first question: Why do you think Raito is acting like this toward you?"

"Because he is mad at me calling him Kira. I should have vocalized my thoughts and enlightened him. I only referred to him as a Kira suspect to maintain appearances before the Task Force. Any questioning relating to our private relationship would be unwelcome and quite frankly a complication. But there may be another reason..."

"Such as?"

"Perhaps because I failed to protest to the mention of taking a break, he is angry at me. I am not quite sure. I was just too shocked to respond. You know how I am, Matt. How I shut down when I am shocked."

"Yeah. You make it seem like you don't care. It's a bad defensive, really."

"Yes, I am quite aware of that. Maybe I should learn to adapt my facial expression to my true feelings. Perhaps looking aloof is not the wisest way to project myself when I am shocked."

"Precisely. Anyways, does that sound like him to you? Do you think he is the kind to get emotional like this over something like that?"

"I do recall that he can be quite an emotional person. I suppose he does get emotional to this degree, but this is an extremely un-Raito-like response. At the greatest, I fear that a recent change in the investigation is the cause of his behavior."

"Then what is a Raito response?"

"The Raito I love would be more inclined to dissuade me from referring to him as a Kira suspect, not distance himself. That is why I feel something is wrong."

"..."

"..."

"Well..."

"Well?"

"Well, I don't have anything left to ask. Do you think you can take the ball from here?"

"Yes. Thank you, Matt."

"Then Good Night, L. Please try to get some sleep. I worry about you, ya know."

"Yes... Good Night."

- -

The redhead laid his entire face into the pillow, inhaling the scent of chocolate and Mello (not that the two really smelled much different). Part of him hoped that the comforting, familiar scent would help calm him. Tears that shouldn't be his were soaking into the fluffy down, mingling and soiling its whiteness. They had started during the call, but he would not allow the sobs to leak into his voice. L was instable and that scared him. Although Matt had wholeheartedly supported the relationship at the beginning, he was sure he now despised this Raito fellow. Regardless of the circumstances and intentions, no one should be allowed such emotional control over his best friend. No one.

The darkness that surrounded him felt both foreboding and welcoming. He wished that there would be a stop in time. Maybe not his time, but L's time. Brilliant

"Matty?"

A light weight settled by his midsection, dipping the mattress slightly and caused him to roll against the invader. Invaders. Plural, he realized as he looked up to see both Near and Mello sitting on his bed, side by side. They were within proximity of one another harmoniously for the first time. He had not heard either of them enter. Near could sneak up on him without making as much noise as skin brushing upon skin did, that was certain, but Mello didn't have that kind of both natural and trained stealth. The fact that he was able to enter the room without having been heard meant either he must not have left the room and stayed outside the door or Matt must have been further immersed in his tears than he had though before. The former hypothesis was confirmed as he looked into Mello's eyes and worried tears began to leak out of those clear, bright orbs. The passionate blond had heard Matt's words. Similar tears were dripping down the pale face that was next to his lover's tanned one. Near's hands were fisted against his cheeks, hurredly wiping away silent tears, slowly showing more slight signs of frustration as he could not ebb the flow. The sight was uncharacteristic, yet fitting.

"Y-yes, Mel? Near?" he ventured, not fully trusting his own voice at the moment.

He should have been surprised as both of the boys collapsed upon Mello's bed, but the present situation allowed this arrangement to pass without question. Matt pulled the blanket over their bodies, squeezing Mello against him and Near after. The three lay in the small bed together, comforted by one another's body heat and identical tears. The rare sight only increased as Matt reached behind Mello to wipe away one of Near's tears. Sensing the movement, Mello brushed a hand behind him to find the feather-soft fingertips of the paler boy. He pulled the hand over his hip and held it to his stomach. A transparent heat contacted his backside and small drops of moisture gathered in a pool against his pajama top. Mello turned his attention back to Matt, planting a feathery kiss against his boyfriend's lips and giving Near's trembling hand a reassuring squeeze. They needed each other tonight.

No one wanted to speak, but the question was unavoidable and the asking was inevitable.

"L's not okay, is he?"

- -

Another tear met the pillow. He wasn't supposed to hear any of that. L had waited for him to fall asleep to make that call, but had failed to check if the brunet had truly fallen asleep. Raito had been faking restful states of unconsciousness lately, but not to be deceptive. It was because that method was the only pre-sleep activity able to lead him into a dreamless slumber.

Although Raito had asked for a mere break, he had been neglecting L for too long. Part of him was unsure of whether or not he was intentional with his avoidance or not. All he knew was that this supposed 'break' had become the cut off of their previous relationship. In simpler terms: it was no longer a break. Then something seemed to have slapped him across the face when he heard L's tear-filled words of regret and self-loathing. Those words evoked nothing but pity for the older man. He was losing everything that had made him L, the great detective. And with this change, the older man was gaining nothing. Raito had not become interested in L because he was handsome. 'Handsome' would never be able to describe his look. That was the kind of words reserved for Raito, and he was almost ashamed to admit that. No, that panda-eyed detective was something different. His body was not sleek and made of shallow-dipping curves, but rather angles and strangely smooth skin that was pale and almost transparent around the abdomen. Lack of sleep had made his eyes dark and dead, something that always intrigued Raito. The dull look was a thing of mystery and seemed to have a constant flitting of thought behind it. It was almost as though the eyes were as dark as L was. Soulless and empty, almost, with a calculating, evaluating, scrutinizing look. Raito had become interested in L because he was, quite simply, an alluring mystery that was begging to be solved. All these quirky imperfections made him... well, not perfect. Perfection was a flaw in itself. These quirks made him ideal.

And when L had seemed to truly begin to experience human emotion with Raito, he had begun to lose his sense of self as a detective. He became human as well. As Kira, this should have been a sign that the new age was dawning and that a world guided by righteous judgment was to soon be reached.

But as L's former lover, he knew this was a sign to be worried about and for the older man. Hearing his ex-lover's words shocked him out of being Kira. Although L's eyes had always been far-off and almost glassed over when looked at, those dark orbs still had a sparkle in them when Raito spoke his name. Whether it was the title of L or the code 'Ryuuzaki,' the small glint of happiness was reflexive. Now that light was gone and he had done something wrong. He'd never wanted to forget about what they had, but in the end, he had forgotten. He hadn't meant to hurt L, only to take a break.

_L... How long did I forget about 'us'? How could I just... when did all this time pass? What have I done?_

He loved L, but was this personal happiness worth the work that would be abandoned if he let his double life as Kira go? Was Raito's personal happiness worth more than what he was so close to accomplishing? Humans are innately selfish. He knew this. Something was going to change and if he could do it now, he would.

Trying his best not to shake the two beds too much or to shake the insomniac awake, he turned slowly in his bed until he could see his panda. Raito reached out a fingertip to brush against L's cheekbones, realizing the skin was stretched taut over the bones beneath. The raven-haired man was thin enough to begin with and this new body shape, lifestyle, and mentality was almost as corrosive as being written a slow, degrading by the Shinigami themselves. Any longer and L's life would be in true danger. Raito, despite the various circumstances, potential outcomes, and hidden motives, could very well cease to function if L fell apart. The way he was treating his body now was comparable to the slow deathly torture of a porisoner of war, except this was self-inflicted. Less than two weeks and this was had had happened. Raito needed to stop his ex-lover's behavior before it killed him.

_I'm glad I remembered. I needed this. And I still I need you._

And with the lack of true sleep he'd suffered over the past few days, he knew the revelation would be reassuring (in the sense that a course of action was possible) and worrying. Regardless of what he wanted, tonight, Raito would be dreaming.

* * *

I loved writing this chapter.

_Je t'aime beaucoup! ~Minikimii_

P.S. For those that twitched when I wrote "Ryuuzaki" and "Ryuuk" with two U's in the previous chapters, I apologize. ((I just like it better that way.))  
P.P.S. I'm thinking of combining all of the first few diary entries into one chapter. Clicking for the next chapter is tedious and I don't like the average word count of my chapters. My word count and the number if chapters that I have don't look too great. Revamping soon.  
P.P.P.S. Is anyone bothered by the fact that I choose to only write dialogue and no narration when Matt and L talk on the phone? Answers/criticism greatly appreciated.  
P.P.P.P.S. I'm quite proud of this chapter. I hope you enjoy it!


	29. Real World: Part Ten

Disclaimer: Death Note is not mine. Augh.  
(**POSTED:** 12-19-08)

* * *

L tossed around in his bed for the fifteenth time that night. He really needed sleep now and the bags under his eyes were so dark they were heavy with an almost real weight. The sugar he had been engulfing like oxygen wasn't helping his head either. Instead, it had only contributed to the buzzing, ringing, pounding pain that seemed to be rapidly increasing in the spaces directly above his ears behind his temples.

He had called Matt yesterday. That conversation added to the current state of his workplace was overwhelming. To say the least, the stress was killing him inside. To make matters worse, Raito still had not spoken to him since the Yotsuba incident and it got worse with each passing day. Any sort of vocal exchange was present only around the Task Force members and never initially directed at one another. L wasn't going to lie to himself. He knew something was wrong. Everyone knew. By now, even Matsuda could tell something was wrong, and that was a grand feat all within itself. He'd in fact confronted the two regarding their new found silent awkwardness on separate occasions, wondering if he could do anything to bring their "friendship" (for the others were still in the dark about the real situation) back to how it used to be, but he was unable to elicit any sort of response from either party. A simple "shut up, Matsuda" was all the two could say enough to agree on.

And it was glaringly obvious. Tension between the detective and the student were affecting their work. Even though the killings stopped and Higuchi was dead, the investigation was still going. L wanted to know if Kira was still alive; if Higuchi was just a scapegoat.

At least, that was the image he was trying to project to the Task Force.

"Enough of this," L thought, flipping over once more, "tomorrow will be better."

He'd repeated this to himself for the last two nights, knowing that he didn't believe his own words. Swallowing them was harder than thinking them, but he could try. He promised Matt yesterday that he would at least try.

- -

"Get up," spoke a familiar voice as something nudged him, bumping him out of hibernation and into slow consciousness.

"Nngh..."

He had managed to fall asleep that night as well. Yesterday's slumber was an anomaly and against all odds, L had acquired a few hours of natural rest today as well. If he weren't in such an emotionally deprived and mindless state, he might have written about it in his diary. Might.

"Time to get up, Ryuuzaki-san. We've got work to do," a voice half coaxed while L tried listlessly to rouse his limbs into functioning.

Then he realized that the large, windowless room was warm. That was strange. The door was seldom left open at the midnight hours and the heaters were on, but the temperature was never set at this degree. No, that wasn't the room's heat. That was the heat of...

_Raito!_

Suddenly, L jolted from his groggy state, topping off the left edge of the bed and on to the floor. The chain of his handcuffs inadvertently pulled the younger brunet into stumbling onto the floor and atop the detective. Their bodies were pressed close, similar to the countless nights they had spent together so intimately only a couple weeks before. Remembering those night made L reminisce of the times he and Raito had blissfully taken longer than necessary in the shower every morning. His face began to grow hot and he willed himself to readjust his mask of indifference and the discomfort in his jeans. He had fallen asleep in the rough denim again and would no doubt have lines from the cloth indented on his skin. The stiffness of both the cloth and a certain body part of his was certain to be noticed soon. If the heat was pressed against him any longer, he doubted he could stay conscious or rational. What if he noticed and decided to tackle thr problem in L's jeans? What if Raito decided that he, too, needed some form of release after all those nights spent in accompanied isolation? L's mind was drifting now, hoping that maybe by some stroke of satirical luck He was not trusting his body to obey his thoughts this morning.

Suddenly, Raito's lips were right in front of his. L was not sure if it was simply a slip of the arm, but when Raito slid forward, he had nearly caught the detective by the lips. However, L had turned his head to the right as to avoid those lips. Instead, they caught him on the cheek.

"Yaga... Yagami-kun... G-get off... m-me, please..." L managed weakly, hoping he sounded like he was out of breath instead of aroused.

"Yes. I'm sorry, Ryuuzaki, are you alright?" the brunet asked, true concern seeming to leak out from his words.

They lay against one another for a few fleeting moments, both heaving slightly and blushing (although unknown to them) for the same reason. L's jeans were becoming warmer and tighter to the point where if Raito would have noticed his 'problem' in a mere minute, even if they were not in contact. And then L began to panic slightly. If Raito found him, what would it mean? And they were so close. He closed his eyes and moaned slightly, biting his lips as he felt movement against his lower regions. To his relieved disappointment, it was caused by Raito easing off of his frail body and sitting beside him on the floor to watch the older man readjust himself.

_This had got to be a dream! _L reasoned with himself, _because the current circumstances do not allow for things of this nature to occur. Raito is not a clumsy individual. He is careful with his surroundings and physically capable to stop himself from falling. His reflexes are sharp, even in the morning. This cannot be real... __But I do not **dream**. And there is simply a lack of explanation for this situation. This cannot be happening. Physical contact has been severed for so long, I have forgotten what it has felt like for him to be in such close proximity of me. Raito has not talked to me for too many days now... what is he trying to accomplish?_

"Thank you for your concern," the obsidian-eyed detective recovered, setting his face into an expressionless mold and hardening his features as best he could, "but I find it quite obvious that I am functional and breathing; therefore I am 'fine.' "

"Alright then," Raito murmured, seeming to have lost his sudden confidence, "let's get ready and then go down for breakfast."

The two stood up from their seats on the cream carpeted floor. As usual, Raito stretched his limbs and took in two deep breaths. Inhaling, holding, then exhaling the breath cleanly until he felt lightheaded was the usual routine. Deviating from the norm this morning, he faced L while he did it. His panda-like eyes widened slightly as he watched the hem of Raito's boxers drop an inch as he stretched and exhaled, the light blue fabric looking delicious against his tanned skin.

And the look on Raito's face told L that the brunet knew what the action was doing to him. He silently cursed the young man.

"Who shall shower first today?" he asked, trying his hardest to recover from his previous blunder.

"I think it's my turn," the brunet concluded as he finally stopped his stretching and turned to face the other man, causing L's face to flush slightly and he cursed Raito once more.

"Then go in," L called out as nonchalantly as possible, "I will turn around as you get unchanged. Tell me when you are ready."

When Raito had finished his bathing and stepped out of the shower, the blood rushed to L's cheeks. There was the godly brunet, a towel wrapped loosely around his waist, held on lightly by one hand that didn't seem to even want the towel there. Realizing he was staring at an inappropriate place at an inappropriate time, the panda-eyed man redirected his gaze to meet Raito's face. Perhaps it was his wishful mind showing him what he wanted to see, but he could have sworn a look of lustful, yet wistful longing was on Raito's face. Flustered, he quickly undressed and took his own shower before the two made their way downstairs for breakfast.

- -

In the kitchen downstairs, the Task Force gathered to have breakfast. Breakfast was a casual affair. Every officer came and went at their own time, eating as little or as much as they were used to and converged without asking at approximately nine every morning to commence working. As of this moment, it was seven and only Matsuda and Soichiro were at the table. L and Raito slipped in silently, the two of them sitting beside each other, earning odd looks from the Task Force once more from their suddenly close proximity. For the last ten days, Raito had sat across from the older man, the chain of their handcuffs clinking on and off the table top as each of them reached for their respective foods of choice. Well, more like L reached for his cake and tea while everyone else ate healthily. Caffeine and sugar; they were his best friends. Well, besides Matt, that is.

"Good morning, everyone."

At seven thirty, Aizawa stepped through the door and the group exchanged their greetings. He walked past the refrigerator in the spacious kitchen and settled into his seat. He looked like he was ready to collapse from exhaustion. The group did not dare to ask any questions. Well, all of them except for Matsuda.

"You're early. What happened? Are you okay?" the ditzy officer asked casually, a small piece of toast falling out the corner of his mouth and onto the tablecloth.

"Eriko got mad last night. Got home past midnight and Yumi was waiting for me. Apparently, she wouldn't go to sleep without seeing her daddy. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy that my daughter doesn't forget that I exist, but... but... after Yumi went to sleep, Eriko kicked me out and I haven't slept since. She said to drop the Kira Case first and then come back home. For Yumi's benefit, she wants me to drop the Case and be a father. She can't stand that she never sees me for more than twenty minutes at a time. I just don't understand... I don't know if I..."

"Hey," Matsuda pat his friend's shoulder, "she still loves you, alright? It's just her stress and worry talking."

"But what about quitting the case?"

"Aizawa, I know you're not one to give up. Tell Emiko-san you're doing this for the good of the world and the safety of future generations. And you should just take a day off to spend with Yumi-chan," Matusda advised, a rare blip in his usual inability to say anything productive or intelligent.

"Yeah, I guess..." the other cop mumbled, twirling his wedding band around his finger, changing the subject before the silence at the table became any more awkward, "so, L, have you had any progress with your evaluations of Higuchi's words and death?"

"There is much to be checked," L began, pausing for a brief moment to look at Raito cautiously, "the killings have stopped for too long now and the public grows restless. As Matsuda informed us all yesterday, the crime rate has not yet budged since the absence of Kira activity. However, this causes me to wonder what Second Kira is doing at this moment. It seems unrealistic to me that there are simply no notebooks in existence beside the one we have now in our possession. Based on the notes that were sent to Sakura a few months ago, I believe that Second Kira has his or her own notebook."

Aizawa nodded, seemingly having blocked out his problems at home and swallowed every word that came from the revered detective's lips.

"Okay, then if Second Kira has another notebook, why hasn't he done anything?"

The detective snuck a quick glance toward Raito's direction, only to be met with tense eyes that bore right through him. It was unnerving, but he would persevere. What could have made the younger man so angry? Was that even really anger?

"If my suspicions are correct," L continued, placing a finger to his lips as if in contemplative thought, "I do believe that Second Kira is merely following Kira's orders-"

"Can we please just forget about the case while we're eating in the morning? Let's just focus on breakfast. Please," the youngest member at the breakfast table requested, earning immediate silence.

The rest of the morning was spent in a level of noise so low that it went beyond serene. It was downright scary.

- -

Brooding, the brunet laid back into his pillow and closed his eyes. L couldn't help looking over to him for the umpteenth time that day. All morning, he had been sneaking peeks at the untouchable beauty, trying to figure out why the man was so frustrated. Teenagers were supposed to be moody and angsty, but Raito was far too mature to behave this way without a truly upsetting reason. L knew this was something important, especially when felt his chest tighten as he watched the brunet gently bite his lower lip in frustration. The feeling worsened as Raito's fists clutched the bedsheets in obvious dispair. Not only was the unknown reason upsetting Raito, but it was now making L uneasy as well.

_Does his behavior have something to do with this morning?_

Seeing Raito's eyebrows scrunched in frustration and his chest rising and falling at uneven rates told L that something was seriously wrong. He couldn't watch motionlessly as the man who was once his source of pure, unashamed happiness tore himself apart over something so unknown, and possibly trivial. Even though he was sure Raito no longer felt the way he did before regarding the older man, L was going to act. Now. Putting himself out in the open once more for a conversation, which, unbeknownst to him, was to end with emotional damage, he confronted Raito.

"Raito-kun, I would like to speak with you."

"About what?!" the brunet snapped.

L winced at the suddenly harsh tone, already regretting his decision to begin vocalizing his intentions in the first place. He bit his lower lip gently, a sign that he was practically drenched in nerves. Instantly regretting his actions and calming his voice enough to mend his speech, Raito responded once more, but with a gentler tone.

"Yes, Ryuuzaki?"

It took a few moments for the detective to recover from Raito's quick change in personality. The student's face had gone from irritated to shocked to apologetic in the short time span of four seconds.

"What happened to you? You were acting strange today. It is not like you to be this jumpy and this easily irritable."

"I'm sorry... I just..." the brunet trailed off.

After another three minutes of watching Raito fiddle with the cuff chains in near silence, it became evident that L was not going to get an answer. That is, unless he pushed for one.

"What?" he finally ventured.

"It's just that... that..."

"What?" L demanded, "Stop repeating those same words over and over again. Just tell me what is wrong."

Raito looked down to his hands and to the chain that linked him to the older man. With a gentle tug, he began pulling the chain toward himself. L put up no restraint to the effort and simply allowed his hand to be guided to the other man's. Slightly calloused, yet slender fingertips caressed his skin and tender lips brushed against the bask of his fingers. L squeezed his eyes shut. He should have been happy, but he could not bring himself to smile. The silence had been too long.

"It's just that I still love you."

And with that fact admitted, Raito roughly pulled the fragile detective toward him and hungrily attacked those sugar-coated lips with his own. Unable to register what had happened, L was unresponsive. Slowly, the younger man lost his sense of urgency and the kisses became softer. L simply sat and allowed his lips to be taken until he summoned enough strength to push Raito away. Although he had been still the entire time, in the end, his face was just as flushed as Raito's.

Awkward silence had followed the burst of movement and contact. They simply sat beside each other, unsure of what to do next. This night was to be filled with

"Then why did you not speak to me for so long?" he inquired, collapsing off the balance of his feet and curling into a ball.

Although his reasoning ability dropped when he was off his feet, the proximity of his knees to his chest ensured that it had only dropped by a twenty percent instead of forty. He eyed the younger man biting his lip, simultaneously wondering why Raito was doing it and wishing that perhaps he could be the one applying pressure to those lips at the moment. Clinking of chains and rustling of bedsheets shook L's wandering mind back into reality. Gazing up at this ex-lover, L waited (almost impatiently) for a response.

"The break. I needed to spend some time apart. Because we can't be separated physically, I thought maybe if we didn't talk, it would be easier."

_Do all breaks work this way? I do not think so. In fact, I know he is not stupid enough to believe that emotional disconnection would help ease any sort of pain. I do not understand why he would say this... his reasoning would seem logical if I was gullible in that respect. I have spent too many years reading and watching people to not know that this was a sad lie pulled out from the open air._

"I apologize, Raito, but I do not think that you were truly avoiding confrontation with me because of the break. I know that you have a high, but hidden sex drive - do not try to deny that fact - and I know that there is no way you would let me sleep unmolested for over four days. I simply cannot believe your reason for silence."

The younger man sighed in defeat. A small flare of anger ignited within L's body when he realized Raito had truly been hoping that the obvious lie would be enough. I twas insulting, to say the least, but he quickly extinguished that small fire. No need to go burning down an entire village because of a single villager.

"Alright then. I lied a bit," Raito admitted, which somehow made L feel better.

" 'A bit,' you say?" he asked rhetorically, raising an eyebrow.

"I just-"

"Do not start repeating those same words again," L interrupted, "just tell me the truth. Please."

"I just don't want you to hate me!"

"Why I would hate you?" L demanded.

"Well, this morning, you wouldn't even look at me!"

"As of this morning, you had not spoken a single word to me for over a week! Do you expect me to suddenly be open to talking to you?"

"I..." Raito trailed off, losing his spark.

L felt his obsidian eyes softening. For the past week, he has been trying to bring himself to a state of emotionally stability. The detective both wanted to forget Raito and win him back, but he knew that was an unrealistic approach. Would accepting the boy back into his life as a lover be safe? Or would it be better to just let go? Could he even let go at all? Instead of choosing now, he decided to tell the truth. Whatever happened would just happen. He would let Fate take the wheel and drive him down whichever path he was supposed to go down. Hopefully, She wouldn't decide to suddenly become a sadistic bitch when his future was at stake. Fate seemed to him like Love's schizophrenic half-sister that had a tendency to enjoy fucking with peoples' lives a bit too much. Not that he believe in Fate. Kinda.

"Raito, I could never hate you."

Raito seem to struggle for words for a moment. His eyes were cast down and remained so until he seemed to have accepted L's words and formed his own response.

"Do you promise?" he asked with an undertone of yearning for acceptance.

"Yes. I promise."

Raito looked up from the chain, his expression heavy, pleading, and regretful. Judging by the expression in his eyes, L was sure the next words from the student's mouth would change his world for good. Nothing would be the same again. In retrospect he would wish that he could have prevented Raito from telling him. If only he could tell what was to happen, if he had known what sort of information he would become privy to in a mere ten seconds, he would have done anything and almost everything to prevent ever knowing.

"In that case, L, I have something I need to tell you."

* * *

Spent this chapter listening to The GazettE, Dir en Grey, Gackt, and Nightmare. Ahh...

I JUST FUCKING READ **CHAPTER 25 OF "PERFECT MATCH" BY BEUTELMAUS**. Holy shit. If anyone's a KH fan, seriously go check it out. Just... HOLY EFFING SHIT. I guarantee you will lurve her for it.

**Oh shit.** I read a Death Note oneshot created by the original author and artist and... I was prmpted to rewrite everything in the begining first 8 chapters. I suggest you go back and re-read it, but I'll try to write the story so that it isn't necessary that you have to read the rewritten versions. But the current versions makes the story richer. I promise! (12-20-08)

http:// www. one manga. com /Death_Note/109/credits/

_Je t'aime beaucoup! ~Minikimii_


	30. Entry Twenty

Disclaimer: Minikimii is not code for Tsugumi Ohba.  
(**POSTED:** 12-20-08)  
_Italics_ signifies thoughts.

* * *

Dear Diary,

It feel ridiculous to even be writing this. I cannot comprehend his mentality. "Speechless " is the only truly accurate way to describe how I had felt at that moment. I did not know how to respond to that new complication. Now I am brimming with questions. I am simply not as relieved as I thought I would be to catch Kira. In fact, is this even considered capture? Have I truly 'caught' him or has he simply turned himself it? How, for so long, was he able to withhold this information? How was he able to keep this from me? Does he truly love me? Does love even... exist?  
I can not stop asking myself these questions, but I do not want them answered. There is no way I could just pretend that this never happened. The entire time, he was lying to me. I saw the signs that pointed to Raito being Kira. In fact, I chose to tell the Task Force I felt that way. I should revel in the limelight that will be inevitably shone upon me because of this capture. I should be feeling excited, proud, and accomplished for being correct. But I do not.  
Where is the rush that comes with victory? Where did the sweetness of this piece of candy go? I feel as though I no longer indulge in things such as difficult problems or sweet foods. They seem more like a habit now. Unhealthy, self-destructive habit.

I now understand the benefits of Near's constant detachedness. I am unsure of whether or not he is distant from others as a defense or if he is distant because he genuinely scorns the attention of others, but if that boy does not associate himself with others emotionally, then he can never be hurt. I wish to speak with him. Perhaps I shall call Matt and request to speak with my successors. I suppose that since Kira seems to be taking a break from killing, I may be able to convince the Task Force that it is okay for them to keep an eye on Raito while I step aside to speak with Matt, Mello, and Near. I want to talk to those three. They calm me, almost like a drug.

My insomnia ails me. I simply want to escape from this harsh reality. Raito now sleeps in a separate bed and cameras monitor his every movement. Chains attached to his left wrist and right ankle hold him in place. Of course, the length of the metal is long enough for him to move around in his sleep, but it is too short ot allow him to remove his bindings. For now, I am free to do as I please.  
If I only had the capability to fall asleep when I was exhausted, then maybe I could escape. When him and I were together, I would be able to fall asleep peacefully. Now, all I wish is for this accursed case to end. Maybe then, I would be able to achieve rest. I would most certainly welcome the sleep. But that is not realistic. Running away and wishing for change is no way to respond when conflict arises. However, as of this moment, I am breaking away from these morals, these beliefs. At this moment, freedom from this stifling hold would be much welcome.

My thoughts are so mixed that I cannot even form a thinking process that runs smoothly. Stream of consciousness is a curse, considering how my words flow like the aftermath of a car crash. Simply wandering back to that moment in my head drives me insane. Why is it that I am not able to forget? What a foolish question. Would I want to forget? And which duty comes first, the duty to the public to turn in Kira, or my duty to Raito? Do I have a duty to Raito now? I cannot decide. I do not want to decide. This is simply too much pressure.

I had wanted to teach you a lesson, Kira. I wanted to show you that right and wrong are moot. No one should be allowed to have such control over my emotions. I have said this before, but this time, I intend on following through on these words, and follow through I did. You are not righteous. You have no judgment. You are not divine light. You are simply... simply... the man who used to be my Raito. Even though I am sure that I taught you, in turn you have taught me as well.  
You have taught me not to trust. You have taught me that Love and her sister, Fate, are fickle, mischievous companions.

_It is dangerous to be writing this down. If someone were to read these words, I would have no choice but to... to... to what?_

It is becoming increasingly harder to concentrate. None of this is supposed to be happening. I know I suspected him, but I never wanted my suspicions to become reality. I only wanted to catch Kira, but not like this.

Definitely not like this.

_L_

* * *

So it turns out that Near and Mello only ever talked to L once over a one-way web cam and they didn't even speak. In How To Read 13, the author said he wanted both Near and Mello to resemble L. Near played with toys just as L fiddled with food. Mello constantly ate chocolate, something that Ohba and Obata called "representative of all sweets." The chances of the Mello and Near picking up habits like L's without meeting him in person are quite slim. Of course, L might have just picked out the two that day because he felt that they both resembled him in some way, but I think that's very un-L-like behavior.  
The oneshot also says L only took cases that piqued his interest. I think Matt has that quality as well, seeing as how he bores easily and becomes unmotivated to do things when he doesn't particularly have a reason to. I think that is the third quality of L that was 'passed on' to his successors. Although Matt isn't shown as particularly smart on the intelligence diagram in How To Read 13, the writer said that he was "the third most talented child at Wammy's House," so he is my third successor.

Also, I wrote a little LxRaito ficlet for the holiday season. Hope you guys like it. Check it out?

_Je t'aime beaucoup! ~Minikimii_

**Promised Edit Summary: **It now follows the storyline in the sense that L had never met his successors. To put it quite simply, he selects Mello and Near as his successors when he realizes he is risking his life for the case and will need someone to take on his name. They speak a few times over a one-way web cam conversation where L can see their faces, but they can't see L. One day, Matt accidentally interrupts one of their conversations and L invites him to sit in. He does this because he recognizes Matt, but is unsure of why and where from. It turns out that Matt was the boy he had met in the House on his last trip back in the secret room behind the clock tower. Matt gets ringed up into halfheartedly accepting L's proposition to be the third memeber of L's eventual co-successors.


	31. Real World: Part Eleven

Disclaimer: The rights of Death Note belong to two, quite dignified, Japanese (wo)men, not some silly fangirl. Got it memorized? (Ohba = female.)  
(L: Minikimii, you are in the wrong fandom to be using that...)  
(Me: I know, but I can't help it!)  
(L: Your self-restraint is as non-existant as my apparent manliness.)  
(Me: That means that I'm very restrained, doesn't it?)  
(L: I do not appreciate your superfluous use of blatant lies as flattery.)  
(Me: Sorry, force of habit... but really, you're very manly. In an unconventional way.)  
(L: Thank you, I suppose. Now I shall pretend this conversation never happened.)

* * *

Steam. Cleansing the lungs and the pores, keeping the skin soft and healthy. Strangely, L now liked the feeling of the moist heat in the air. Nothing was quite visible around him and he let the warm water drip around his body. He didn't have to worry about the younger man trying to escape or kill people in this environment. If anything, he might have welcomed death at the moment. If Raito had suddenly decided to use the Death Note and continue his campaign as Kira, L would not have mattered. As long as his name was first on the list when Raito resumed his previous activities, then he would be alright. If the world was going to go to Kira, then he didn't want to see it happen. Still, as much as L hated to admit it, the drive to cleanse the world (as the younger man had put it) was gone from Raito's entire being.

Shaking the thought out of his head, he reached out toward the metal basket suction-cupped to the wet, white wall to grab his toothbrush. Contrary to popular belief, L took excellent care of his teeth. Of course, they weren't perfect, but they weren't rotting to the point of having potential to be included in a horror flick. He was - surprisingly - quite clean and had strict hygenic routines. Just because he wasn't as put together as Raito didn't mean that he wasn't clean.

The magnet attached to the door clicked shut as he stepped out of the shower and reached for a towel. Drying himself was quick affair. The shower handle was still left at hot, clouding the room. Wasting water was something that L had chastised about. Unwanting to be a hypocrite, he reached behind him and shut the water flow. Towel wrapped around his waist, he shuffled over to where a fresh set of clothes were folded. He pulled on his undergarmets beneath and then discarded the fluffy white towel. The jeans came next, the waistline of the denim turning a dark, navy blue as the water dripped off his hair and onto his skin, eventually reaching their destination as gravity pulled them down his torso. The famaliar long-sleeved, white cotton shirt smelled strongly of fake fresh linen. He hated it, but Fresh Linen still offered its condoling embrace as he slipped it over his head. At least the smell was something more substantial than love.

Rustling of cloth was the last sound wave that reached the pair's ears. L reached for a smaller towel and draped it across his head. It sat there for a few moment, untouched, until he reached his hands up and begun rustling his midnight locks He didn't blow-dry his hair like Raito did and prefered to let it dry naturally. Now that their morning routine was over, he simply stood in place, unsure of what to do next. There was no motivation to move. He wished the silence could be comfortable, but for both the student and the detective, silence only gave birth to devious plans. First-hand knowledge, naturally.

_Comfortable silence is a lie._

He looked up to see Raito's ever-perfect eyebrows scrunched up in what seemed to be some sort of internal frustration. The moment of silence dragged on far too long before the brunet spoke.

"L, I want to talk to you."

He stopped the drying of his hair and let the toweld fall to his shoulders. He didn't bother with looking to the younger man and simply adverted his gaze from the mirror.

"What."

Not a question, but a accusatory statement.

"I want to talk to you."

"Regarding?" he nearly snapped.

He didn't care about the tone of his voice. Raito flinched. His mannerisms were gone now.

_One word answers_, he thought,_ very mature of me._

"Regarding this case-"

"That can wait until we get downstairs."

"- and us."

He swalloed the lump in his throat and took a deep breath.

"Raito, there is no 'us' anymore. You have made that quite apparent over the past week, especially last night. There is nothing to discuss."

"But-"

"Nothing."

Guilt was sneaking up on him as he watched his former lover's face drop and shoulders slump slightly. Was that... disappointment?

- -

The breakfast table was quiet and awkward. No work had really been done since Higuchi. There really was no work to do. The members of the Task Force found it odd, but they resolved to remain silent. There was no questioning against the two member of their group who were past the borderline of genius. Silence from L and Raito probably meant that everything was fine the way it was. It was a simultaneous, unvocalized descision that they had each come to a week ago.

Suddenly, a flurry of black and pink bound with white lace burst into the room.

"Good Morning, everybody!" it yelled.

They all groaned. Except for Matsuda. He just grinned like an adorable idiot.

"Good Morning, Amane-san," L greeted politely, only recieving a lukewarm smile in return.

The young woman bopped over to the kitchen, returning with a semi-sphere of grapefruit.

"Hn."

"Oh, come on, Raito, don't be like that!" she cooed.

The half of a grapefruit was left on the table beside Raito's breakfast, as she had taken the seat beside him. She slipped her arms about his neck and resting her chin on his slightly damp hair. Apparently, Raito hadn't dried his hair fully this morning.

_Actually, _the detective suddenly realized, _he did not follow his routine of blow-drying hair or eyebrow plucking... and what is he **wearing**? Are those not the pajamas he used to wear before we decided to strip ourselves when we went to bed? Why do I even care._

He let the thoughts leak out through the back hole of his brain. Had the hole actually been real, it probably would have had a neon sign reading 'GARBAGE' pasted over its exit. His lips curved into a smile, letting thoughts of sophomoric hysteria take over his mind, the domain he held most sacred. There was no use in trying to 'catch Kira' today. Date reanalysis was pointless, but if he made the other members believe that it was necessary, he could simply zone out for the day. Slacking every once in a while was good for him. At least, that was what Matt had said.

Part of L said it was too early in the morning to be thinking these things. Falling into a regular sleep pattern was already a sign that something was wrong with his body and acknowledging the side effects of regular sleep was only further confirmation. Accepting this was unacceptable. He began sitting in a more normal, standard manner, too. Why had he not noticed these changes until now?

Suddenly, a painfully nostalgic voice broke his thoughts.

"Get off me," Raito huffed at the female attached to him, "please."

"What?" Misa asked, genuinely surprised at his tone of voice.

L unwillingly turned to face the bickering couple. To argue at such an early time in the morning began to grate on him. His gaze flicked to the members of the Task Force. They, too, were becoming agitated.

"I said to please get off me," Raito repeated.

"B-but, Raito, I'm your girlfriend..."

"I never said you were my girlfriend," he said in a low, fuck-with-me-now-and-I'll-_kill_-you voice, "Get off me. Now."

The model's eyes widened at Raito's tone of voice. It was almost as if the younger man wanted to strangle something, someone... or perhaps inject them with lethal poison.

_Or write their name in the Death Note... Why have I not taken his second copy from him? L, you are slipping. Your method is becoming sloppy._

The model broke away from her object of constant affection, defiant anger taking over her body. Her fists clenched in her pink and black pajamas and the white lace ribbons in her hair began trembling. Her eyes began welling up with tears as she bit her bottom lip. With breaths sharp, unrhythmic, and violent, she locked eyes with the student. Raito simply gazed back at her, unfazed. Even though he would never admit it, this frightened L.

"Y-yes you did!" she declaired, "on May 25th when I went to your house, you said that you'd try your best to be my boyfriend!"

_May 25th? Was that not three days after the trip to Aoyama? __She is Second Kira. My suspiscions are correct... but does Amane-san know that she is Second Kira?_

"No, I did not."

"That was almost a year ago!" she half-screamed, half-cried, "we should be planning out one year anniversary now!"

"I'm sorry, but you are mistaken."

The student looked on cooly, gazing right through the model. Short-lived anger and a near-endless well of calm. Had anyone at the table been asked to describe this moment, most would have said that Raito wasn't human.

"Liar! You said that I'd be Se-"

Suddenly, Aizawa jumped up from his position at the table. He glared directly at the bickering couple, looking more ready and sure to punish than any father or friend ever should toward a loved one.

"Just stop it right now, both of you! You kids don't realize how nice you have it now. You can be together at almost all time of the day, you don't have bills to take care of and a family to feed and love yet. You don't have a job that makes your wife constantly worry about whether or not you're going to come home in a body bag! You don't have a daughter that wonders if daddy's coming home tonight or if he's working later than midnight! You don't have a wife that's going to leave you because she loves you too much to watch you fall apart every night when you return from another failed attempt to catch a mass murderer, so don't you _dare_ fight with one another like that. You should be the happy couple you're meant to be. And, Yagami-kun, stop pushing Amane-san away. She deserves to be loved properly. You don't understand how important that is for a woman. You don't realize that you have the chance to do what I only wish I could do for Emiko. She can leave at any moment. You can't just expect her to wait for you through anything, Yagami-kun!"

The table was silent as Aizawa picked up his toast and walked out of the kitchen.

"I'll be in the work room looking over the data we've collected."

L looked back down at his plate, poking at the food. The rest of the Task Force silently excused themselves and joined Aizawa in the work room. By now, Misa was a doubled over heap leaning against the wall, both her hands cover her perfect lips in a silent sob.

Raito turned to her, maintaining his expressionless face.

"Misa, just go eat your grapefruit."

Suddenly, the petite blonde had marched up to the brunet and slapped him across the face. The crack of skin striking skin colored the kitchen air.

"Forget this," she whispered, "forget you, Raito. I'm not an idiot you can just use whatever way you like. I don't always come back to you. I love you, but I'm not your slave anymore!"

With those last words, she left the room. The student simply sat at the table with that continued blank expression on his face, the red print of a feminine hand forming upon his cheek.

"Ryuuzaki," he sudenly whispered.

"Yes?"

The answer was reluctant, but it came nonetheless. That was enough to make Raito smile for the first time in over eighteen hours.

"What is Love?"

- -

Throughout the day, the hollow feeling inside him grew deeper. Instead of it just being a hole in his chest, he felt as if his skin had no substance beneath it. Parasitic and hungry, the feeling spread to his limbs. His body felt hollow down to the backs of his hands and the tops of his feet. Ice was spreading beneath his skin.

But with some difficulty, he brushed this all aside. With Aizawa's outburst and Misa's passionate display of her emotions, he had begun to feel void.

_What **is** Love?_ he wondered for the umpteenth time that day. _Have I ever been in love before?_

Raito's question had stuck with him for the entire day. The work atmosphere had been stiff and uncommunicating. In short, almost no work had been done. The end of the month would come in four days and he was almost ready to simply leave and return to England. What would he do once he got back? When could he get back? Probably when the Kira Case was closed.

Staying here was becoming too much. He was changing in ways that were harming his well-being.

_What is Love?_ he repeated yet again. _How did Matt put it? __'Love, I think, is not the willingness to do anything and everything for someone, but rather the unwillingness to act in such a way. I know that because I wouldn't do anything **he **wanted, but I would die in his place if I had the choice to. I'd do anything to make sure he lived. Anything for his well-being, because that overrides his happiness when what he wants is dangerous or unhealthy.'_

L breathed out uncomfortably. The adjacent bed bounced slightly as Raito shifted in his sleep.

_**But that's my definition of Love. What's yours?**_

_I do not have one._

**_Do you know what Love is?_**

_No._

**_But surely you do. _**

"No," he whispered aloud quite harshly, "I do not!"

**_Haven't you been in love before? Don't you know?_**

_No! I do not know. Stop asking me. _

On some level, he was astounded that Matt's voice had even begun asking him questions in his mind, but he could not care at the moment. He just wanted to stop the questions, to stop the asking.

**_Don't you miss him?_**

_..._

**_You miss him, don't you?_**

_..._

**_Do you love him?_**

_No! Stop asking me questions._

**_Do you think you could try to love him?_**

_Hah,_ he scoffed, _Why? How can I attempt to love when I do not even know what love is?_

**_You can't figure out until you try. Unless you try. Will you try?_**

_No. _

**_Please?_**

_No._

_**Why not, L? You know you miss him.**_

_It is easier to hate him, _he admitted.

_**But isn't it so much more wonderful to love him?**_

_This feels easier because I have a reason to hate him,_ he mentally whispered.

_**No, it doesn't. It's harder because you and I both know your 'reason to hate him' means nothing to you.**_

_..._

_**L?**_

_Alright, you win! That reason means nothing to me! I love him, I miss him, I want him... I LOVE him, alright! I love Yagami Raito and I should not be feeling this way. How do I stop this feeling?_

**_You know the answer. You can't._**

* * *

L was pretty OOC at the end of this chapter...  
I've come to the decision that Misa isn't stupid and that she's just passionate about her feelings. She just fell in love with the wrong guy at the wrong time.

_Je t'aime beaucoup! ~Minikimii_


	32. Entry Twenty One

Disclaimer: Death Note belongs to Ohba and Obata.

* * *

Dear Diary,

It is nearly May. One more week until we pass into the new month. How has time passed so quickly? The new year came and flew by and the holidays were barely worth mentioning. Time passed so quickly... It is unfathomable. I feel as though something must be done. Mention of Higuchi's death have been flitting around the media as of late. Is it possible to feel such a conflict in interests? Raito had not spoken to me for so long... it is hard to imagine that he would begin now.

The case is at a stand still. I have Matsuda and Mogi doing busywork as of this moment. Aizawa has been sent home to spend time with his family. They believe the Kira Case is at a close. Should I go through with what I have begun implimenting? Does Raito deserve this second chance? Why do I still care? I should be doing this for him. Am I doing this for him? Am I doing this for me? Why must I ask so many questions? This is not like my personality. Nothing should make me want to feel this way, to be so compeltely flustered to the point where comprehension is a mere dream within a dream.

Am I dreaming? What is this? Where is this? Where am I? What am I?

Suddenly I doubt my existence. Confirmation of my reality must come from others. I once believed that. First goes Myself, then the universe, floowed by reality... and God. I am not religious. There has never been a time when religion was something I'd needed to grasp, to keep within reach and convenience to hold my grounding. Does this lack of a fundemental base for my life truly inhibit the way I percieve everything?

So many question, yet so few certainties. It is difficult enough to deal with those who are dissimilar with myself. That is why I was working alone, was it not?

Quit asking yourself questions. This is a pointless waste of time. What am I doing? Especially after hearing Matt's voice. My mind is so muddled... Please simply disregard those last few paragraphs. Those words were not worth being placed on paper.

But why do I write these things. Why?

Kira is evil, but Raito is... What is Raito? Raito is.

_L_

* * *

So, like... yeah. Try figuring that one out. Teehee! It all makes sense to me. Don't think of it as a giant blob, but as tiny blobs on a big plate.  
For those of you in Munczek's Creative Writing first semester 08/09, I took the whole thing Nick did. Gawds, I loved that story. I hope I got it in the right order, though. -sweatdrop-

_Je t'aime beaucoup! ~Minikimii_


	33. Real World: Part Twelve

Disclaimer: If I owned Death Note, then it would lose the straight male portion of its fanbase.

* * *

L awoke with a spinning dizzy headache thanks to the lack of any sort of nutrition in his system for the past few weeks. He sat up and pulled his knees to his chest. The clock said it was four in the morning.

_What was last night? Surely, that could not have been real.... _

In what coherently sane universe did L speak to Matt in his mind? It's true, the boy was a great influence on his life, but that was just... just...

He rolled over onto his side and clutched his knees to his chest and shoved his head sideways into a pillow. He needed something to get rid of this headache. Maybe some fresh fruit or pudding. Whatever. Pushing those thoughts aside, he let the pain and growing nauseous pounding take over his mind.

"L, are you alright?"

A hand touched his shoulder and he flinched slightly, batting it away quickly as he sat up once more. Looking over was a mistake. He regretted it instantly as he looked at the brunet beside him held a worried, yet hurt look in his eyes.

_No, I am not alright. Do not ask me these questions. I do not wish to speak with you._

"Yes, Raito, I am fine."

The brunet's eyes softened, and his lips turned upward into a small smile.

_Stop looking so earnest in your expressions. I cannot stand it._

Raito's shoulder slumped at the brushoff. L reached over and took the key to Raito's hand and ankle cuffs from his nightstand. Unlocking the shackles was a silent ordeal and L avoided the student's gaze that burrowed deep into his consciousness. After so much time of neglect, the sudden attention was unnerving.

As usual, L brushed that aside in an attempt to retain his calm demeanor. Instead of facing Raito, her threw a pair of the handcuffs to the man as he began walking toward the master bath.

"Put those on and follow."

Obediently, Raito clasped on the cuffs, the metal click sounding loudly in the still morning air. It wasn't like L needed to give the instructions. Only simple habit forced him to do so.

L headed toward the master bath, not bothering to check whether or not Raito was following, and began stripping.

"I shall shower first, today," he announced unceremoniously.

"Alright."

The mirror showed the student turning around and closing his eyes. L relaxed and slipped out of the last of his clothing and hurried to the shower, closing the wavy glass door as fast as he could. He edged toward the wall that held the shower knobs, trying to get as close as possible to the wall without touching the cold stone. He turned the shower knob quickly, and flinched as the cold water that misted off the streams from the shower head came into contact with his skin. Taking a shower first meant waiting for the water to heat, so he simply closed his eyes and waited.

Tentatively holding a hand out under the water proved for the liquid to be reaching his ideal temperature. With a small happy sigh, he stepped into the pseudo rain, allowing for its ribbons of comforting warmth engulf his body. If there was a singular reason for why he enjoyed showers, it was probably because he felt safe with the surrounding comforts of a warm blanket of water.

Of course, nothing like this could ever compare to how he'd felt when Raito held him.

_Stop. Stop thinking about him._

The shampoo bottled he'd grabbed trembled as he squirted a small amount into his palm. He set the yellow bottle in the grove in the wall and set to wash his hair. He tilted his head back as he did this, trying his best to avoid getting the suds in his eyes. He hated how his back would pop whenever he did this. It set his posture back to being almost normal instead of the lazy slouching he'd picked up over the years.

Slowly, he massaged the citrusy smell into his hair, sighing sadly with the clumsy effort. He missed it when Raito had washed his hair for him. How he'd feel the other man press against his back and kiss his neck right before he'd rub the shampoo glob into his raven locks.

"Why..." he mumbled as he fell against the white shower wall, "Why can I not just allow for myself to accept him again?"

- -

Raito could hardly stand this anymore. After watching L mope around the Task Force for the past several days, he had grown tired of the lack of communication.

As of this moment, the raccoon-eyed detective was taking a shower. Thin, angular movements through a fogged and rippled glass door was all he could focus on. He missed being inside that space with his ex-love. He missed the way that they used to try their best to keep their voices silent, seeing as how Misa's room was the one through the wall directly beside the bathroom.

_I wish I could be in there with him._

Instead, he watched the spindly, distorted silhouette of his former lover reach his thins arms up to gently massage his hair, his posture stretching upward into a somewhat more normal stance. With a sigh, the brunet rested his elbows in his thighs and covered his nose and mouth with cupped hands, his index fingers touching the inner corners of his eyes and pressing over them as he shut them, allowing the soft pressure of his fingertips to massage them. Slowly he wiped his hands along his face, bringing them to below his chin and pressed them together like he was saying a prayer. He rested his chin against his crossed thumbs and pressed his lips to fingers. With shut eyes, Raito kissed his own hand softly, wishing with an unexpressed fevor that he could have been kissing L instead.

Minutes dragged by as he kept his eyes shut and dreaming, falling almost into a trance.

_I ruined it. For me. For him._

He considered opening his eyes as he almost felt the door of the shower open, but decided it wouldn't be worth it. He was losing the urge to even move.

Suddenly, he felt a pair of wet hands touch his own and a small metal key unlocked his handcuffs. Small droplets of water soaked into his pajama bottoms and he could feel their collective pool moving through the fabric. Warm, wet fingertips touched under his chin. Eyes still closed, he felt a pair of lips against his own.

There it was. The sweetest kiss along with the sweetest words he could have ever heard, more so than even 'I love you', was spoken then from those wet lips brushing against his own.

"Raito, I'm sorry."

- -

_Why am I doing this?_

He took the younger man's hand and led him, uncuffed and fully clothed, to the door beside the shower. Without stopping to strip him of his clothing, Raito stepped into the shower with him, pulling L into the rain against him. The detective stumbled slightly and fell, naked, into the student's arms. To his surprise, the younger man buried his face into the detective's shoulder and his body began shaking with reserved mitigation.

"I missed you," the student kissed his ear and confessed, wrapping his arms around the other man's neck. The detective was standing straighter now and was actually a bit taller than Raito.

L moved a hand up against the younger body's jaw and led the brunet's face to his own. He looked into those beautiful chocolate eyes and pressed his forehead against his lover's to kiss him slowly, gently, lovingly.

"I missed you, too."

He let Raito fall against the wall, and with calm hands, he began to unbutton the younger male's soaked shirt. As he peeled away the cloth from the brunet's body, L kissed the newly exposed inches of skin. He closed his eyes, feeling the younger male's body with only his hands as the water stroked both their bodies with downward motions. He pressed his lips to Raito's pectorals, marvelling at how they had lost their masculine form from only weeks before. His lapped gently at the Raito's smooth chest, drawing a small, trembling sigh-hiccup from those beautiful lips.

As his finger neared the last few buttons and helped rid the student of the cloth constricting his upper body, L brushed across Raito chest with his lips, eventually kissing his way to a rosy bud of a nipple. He licked gently, sucking enough to make Raito moan his name in a lasting, lingering breath and move his hands to begin massaging the back of L's head with his strong fingers.

L skimmed his nose downward as his hands wandered to the waistband of Raito's pants. He curled his fingers around the rim of the cloth, pulling down slightly and kissing Raito's hip bone. He was on his knees now, rubbing soothing circles against Raito's body with his thumbs.

"Ah-"

Raito's breath hitched as the older man pulled down his pajama bottoms. Eyes still closed and face obviously flushed from blind arousal, L ghosted his fingers along the younger man's hips, moving downward gently until he felt the other man's arousal with his nimble fingers. He hand his hand long the shaft slowly until he reached the tip and pressed his lips against the heated flesh. The brunet didn't bother trying to suppress his moan as the raven-haired male licked his arousal and began sucking the tip and pleasuring his shaft with a succession of applied movement and pressure.

"L..." he heard the student whisper, "Please..."

With a small smile, L moved forward, deepthroating the student. The lovely heaping waves of pleasured noises came down on him like warm rain. He held Raito's hips in place as he hummed and sent pleasuring vibrations that spread along Raito's body. The hands in his hair pulled harder and with an unashamed cry, Raito released into L's mouth.

The detective got up from his position on his knees and reached for the a bar of soap.

"Here, let me wash you."

And to his great pleasure, Raito nodded and agreed.

- -

The breakfast table was empty. At six in the morning, the other members of the Task Force had not yet woken up. Somewhere in his mind, L doubted they would for a long time. Terribly distracting things had been taking place in this room lately and he wouldn't blame them if they were avoiding another confrontation.

L enjoyed the privacy. It allowed for him to speak with Raito while eating breakfast.

"Why?"

L looked up from his fruit tart. Raito had beaten him to the speaking.

"To put it quite simply," he smiled, "I treat love as I treat ice cream."

Raito's eyes narrowed, and he bit his lip.

"Ice... cream?"

For the first time in weeks, L laughed.

"Everyone remembers their first flavor," he explained, "Mine was strawberry. People often become attached to to their first. Some will continue to indulge while others try to break away from their addiction, experimenting with new flavors and toppings. But, eventually, human nature will drive us back to our first, almost like a comforting memory."

"So... you're saying I'm like... your strawberry?"

_Oh... I never told him._

"No, Raito," he smiled softly, "You are a different flavor."

"So I'm not your first..."

"To be truthful, no. My first was Strawberry, then Peppermint, but you are the one I have found my addiction in. You are my vanilla."

"Vanilla?" he asked, a mock shocked expression on his face, "Am I really that plain?"

"Do not think of it as plain. Just... comforting. Like vanilla, you can be paired with anything. Some associsate the taste with the concept of 'Smooth and flawless'. In a way, you have become that in my mind."

"I'm not perfect," he frowned slightly, "I think you've got it wrong."

"Neither am I," L murmured as he leaned over to kiss his lover on the cheek, "so we even each other out."

A hungry pair of lips quickly found satisfaction against his own and he began running his fingers through the brunet's soft strands of hair. Raito moaned into the kiss as L moved his hands under the other male's shirt. He kissed his way to the younger man's neck, a smile on his lips sitting atop the fading tanned skin.

Suddenly, the TV in the breakfast room flickered on, the surprised pair jumped apart. An ornate black W appeared on the white backdrop and the two of them tensed.

The student looked toward him in confusion, their gazes locking for a split second. What could possibly be so important?

_"I've been trying to suppress the public, but someone leaked information to the media about Higuchi's accident and his being a possible Kira. They're demanding a press conference on the fifth."_

A look of horror spread across Raito's face.

"L," he whispered in a panic, "that's in two days. The public wasn't supposed to even know about the Task Force and I..."

"I know. I will not let them have you."

* * *

I posted a spin-off (Cake, Cards, Chocolate, and Cigarettes) that gives the background story of how Matt and L became friends. Check it out?

Also, for the people who generally avoid my Entry Chapters like the plague (I know there are those of you out there who do), the next one has a lemon in it, so I advise you read it if you've got a citrus craving.

_Je t'aime beaucoup! ~Minikimii_

P.S. There's a BB reference here. Can you taste it?  
P.P.S. This in no way links to my oneshot 'Peppermint'.


	34. Entry Twenty Two

Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note.

Well, we've failed in reaching the goal of 150 reviews. However, I ended up with 20,000 hits and that was enough to make me smile and post. Thanks for everyone who contributed to the effort. :D And, as promised, here is said citrus fruit coupled with an Entry, of course. :D

**LxRaito Content Warning, Slight Spoiler Warning (L's real name).**

* * *

Dear Diary,

I am delusional. Although one would hope that I would be filling these pages with reminiscing about the last few days without Raito, I cannot afford that luxury now. Because writing does in fact help me think, I have decided that I will be trying my best to be planning in this journal exactly what it is that I shall do.

A press conference poses as a great threat to our relationship. I am sure that one of the officers that helped arrest Higuchi leaked the information. The news report are keeping their sources confidential and because the Task Force has been neglecting to keep track of what is being shown on the news, we missed the commotion. Anchors that have been subtly anti-Kira have suddenly been vocalizing their beliefs with this new information. The public sees that Kira is not killing off these people, but instead 'letting' them live. A person is smart, but people are stupid. I fear that if we allow this slip to go unaddressed then Kira's supporters would rise up and potentially beg for their 'savior' to come back. Violence should be avoided at all costs. Even though Kira is just now rising to the height equal to that of the Dalai Lama, his sudden disappearance is causing unrest.

Selfish creature that I am, I have decided that to best protect my Raito, we must use Higuchi as a scapegoat to escape the prodding eyes of the government and public media. His death should cover up the disappearance of Kira's works as of late and ease the supporters.

I spoke with Shinigami Rem regarding this issue of destroying the Death Note. According to the information that I have gathered, destroying the Death Note will not cause the people in the Task Force to die. I suppose she only told me this because Raito gave her the okay when she glanced in his direction.

It is so difficult to write things down in this journal. I cannot focus. Now that I am focusing on what I had constantly grasping at my mind earlier, fleeting thoughts of Raito will not leave me. His form is so quiet and exhausted... I only wish that he could fall asleep. Insomnia is not something he should be developing, especially if it is because of the current state of things.

There is not much else that I can say that this moment other than I want nothing but to protect him.

_L_

- -

He set the mechanical pencil down on his nightstand, the double clack of the plastic tapping on the flat surface as it settled onto its new resting place. Before he could stop the pencil, it rolled off the wooden surface and onto thte floor. As he began to bend over to pick up the pencil, a warm hand reached out and touched his wrist.

"Raito."

The younger male's name was but a whisper upon his lips as he felt those finger trail up his clothed arm and to his exposed collar. Weight shifted in the bed and the sudden presence of body heat simultaneously neared him. Lips pressed against his neck lightly; not as a kiss, but a simple brush of skin that rubbed gently against his throat. The lips parted from his skin as he felt Raito begin to nuzzle into his neck. Warm arms wrapped aroud his torso pulled him to face forward into a loose yet posessive embrace which he sank softly into.

"I've... I've really missed you... Missed us..." the brunet choked out, his body begining to tremble as a sign of emotional vulnurability setting in.

"Me too," the older man replied, placing a gentle kiss atop the silken strands of chestnut hair just below his chin.

Stroking Raito's hair seemed to soothe the boy somewhat, but it was temporary and he continued to shake. Instead of calming down, the boy seemed to be quivering perhaps more vigorously than before. The two shifted their body positions so that Raito was now resting between L's legs as he crossed his arms in a loose hug across the younger male's chest. The tired smell of something L could only imagine to be floral wafted to his nostrils. He inhaled and pulled Raito closer until almost no space was between their bodies.

Both of them shifting again, L felt his lover's fingers brush against the area between his legs as he tried to pull his pajama bottoms off and prepare to sleep. The detective stiffened at the touch and pressed his lips against Raito's neck. He could feel the shaking from before slow into near stillness. He could feel the heat rising up off of Raito's face as he brushed his hands under the brunet's shirt and remove the cloth.

As if he could predict was L was thinking, Raito turned to face him and wordlessly removed L's shirt, grasping the cloth gently and tugging upward until his lover was freed from its cotton restraints. He then proceeded to unbutton L's worn blue jeans and slide them off his hips but stopped when spidery fingers touched his own in a halting motion.

"Wait."

This wasn't going to be about him. This was going to be about Raito.

Lips were pressed languidly against lips as L's fingers were splayed gently along the side of Raito's head, supporting the kiss with more fevor with every passing second. He eased the boy onto his back while he slipped his hands back down to L's waistband and moved them off the detective's slender hips. L rose his hips off the mattress, and when he settled them back down, he pressed his quickly gorwing arousal tightly against Raito's never once breaking their kiss. The student moaned breathlesly against his lips and moved his face to press against L's neck. He whispered something incoherent as L pressed against him once more, moving his hands down farther until he'd grasped Raito's hips and raised them above the mattress.

Mewls of protest sounded from the younger man's throat, but he did nothing to stop his lover as L pressed a fingertip against his lips. In a fit of frustration, L had throw the lubricant out a few days ago, so they opted for a more primitive method. Instead of pushing his lover's back to the bed, Raito took the three digits into his mouth and began to coat them heavily with saliva. Never once did he break their eye contact as he licked and sucked L's fingers.

Uncertainty flickered beneath his eyes as the detective removed his hand from near the brunet's face and toward Raito's backside. He pressed his coated finger against the other male's entrance, looking deeeply into Raito's eyes before he kissed the other boy and slid his own shut. He slipped a finger inside the man beneath him and slowly moved deeper inside. He could feel Raito clench and unclench around his digit, and even through his blind kisses, L could feel Raito's eyebrows scrunch up in pain.

"Shh..." he whispered, "Just be glad that I do not have nails."

This earned a light half-chuckle from the brunet and he could feel Raito relax enough to allow him to slip another finger inside the male. Doing just that, L moved his lips to the other man's neck, sucking on the tanned flesh, bringing forth Raito's body as if the younger man were a puppet being played carefully by his master.

L moved his fingers slightly, curving them around just enough to press stiffly against certain points inside the other man until he found the one that elicited a strained mewl from inside the other man's throat. He leaned forward to kiss the spot the sound had come from, moving his long fingers again so that the lusting noise was repeated until panting had taken over during the inbetween intervals.

Sliding another finger in, he carefully avoided pressing the spot, earning begging sounds of pure want from the man pressed against him.

"Almost..." he whispered.

It had been so long since he last did this; so long since he had last made love to someone.

_'Making love and having sex are two different things, my sweet.'_

And now, he could. Now he could truly make love to someone, to pleasure his someone solely for the comfort of his paramour.

_Raito..._

The younger man's name echoed in his mind brightly once, echoes of it sounding breathlessly as he angled the laying boy's hips upward and pressed himself inside the other man. Raito's hold on the back of his neck slipped to the bedsheets, his fists clenching in pain as the new feeling overtook his previous senses of pleasure.

Wordlessly looking into each other's eyes, they knew stopping would be out of the question. Roles now reversed, L eased the rest of himself into the man below him and began move his hips as the other man adjusted to his length.

Raito moaned as L pressed against his sweet spot, unconsciously rotating his hips to match L's actions. L moved again, this time with more speed, more forces, his lips gliding and meshing into every reachable inch of tanned skin available to his own. Euphoria washed over Raito's face as L pulled out and pushed back into him, hitting the same spot with more vigor than before.

"Say my name, Raito..." L panted, pushing in again and bringing his lips close to the other male's to speak against his lips.

"Ryu... Ryuuzaki..." he whispered, leaning forward to kiss the other man's lips.

But L pulled away.

"No," he whispered, "wrong."

The man beneath him gave him a confused look that was soon washed away by another thrust into his body. He moaned again, saying "L" and earning himself another lip to lip brush.

"My name is not just L," he whispered against his lover's body.

He brought his head to the space beside the brunet's and turned to face the other boy.

"My name is Lawliet."

He could feel the shocking realization through Raito's body against his. The movement sparked another thrust into Raito's body, this time causing almost no sound to come from between the brunet's lips. Again, he pushed deeper into the virgin space, his hands gripping the other boy's hips posessively as he angled himself to prod against the same spot repeatedly until all he could hear was the rapid, erratic breathing of the man beneath him.

Soon, he too was almost lost in his own pleasure, yet he forced himself to become sharply aware of how Raito was reacting to the sensations, of how Raito sounded when L did exactly what he wanted. He thrust into the other man again, almost losing himself, loing grip on his coherency. Beneath him, Raito let out a final cry before letting go of all his reservations and gasping the man's name harshly as he released.

"_Lawliet_."

Hearing his name spoke upon the brunet's fair lips, the detective climaxed, released, and let himself fall, a sensation of unexpected relief washing over him. He hadn't expected such a feeling of freedom when the younger man spoke his true name.

Pulling out and turning into his side, he gathered the other boy into his arms and held the sweaty head to his chest. Small puffs of air brushed against his skin from Raito's mouth. Wordlessly, the brunet slid his arms around L's torso and snuggled closer, his face wincing already from the pains in his backside. Their eyes met and L smiled apologetically. Raito seemed to understand well enough.

"That was... different," Raito whispered against the slight man's chest.

"It was meant to be."

Their exhausted eyes locked and they held each other's gazes until eyelids began to drooping and a throaty yarn took over Raito's body. With an unspoken 'I love you', the younger male slipped into slumber.

Meanwhile, L contemplated.

_He told me that before 'it' happened, that making love and having sex were different things. That sex was for one's o wn desire where as making love is for the pleasure of your paramour. I refused to understand such absurdity at the time. Part of me did not thoroughly comprehend the value until it was too late, but this time... this time, I was not too late. This time, I..._

Various thoughts faded into his mind, mixing and churning along with the rest of his musings. Was Raito everything he wanted?

_Undoubtedly._

He knew that this feeling alone would be worth it. Simplicity was enough for him and nothing could ever be more complicated - yet paradoxically and plainly pure - than Raito. L was unsure of whether or not he could handle even the prospect of such a personality, but his thoughts were put on hold as the sugar-white bedsheets slipped lower off of the younger male's hips in his sleep. L pulled the whiteness back over his lover's body and planted a kiss to his forehead. In the back of his mind worry flitted against the back wall of his mind, but he shoved it away. If anything, he focused on this. On the now.

Who knew what would happen tomorrow at the press conference. Truthfully, he could only hope for the best.

"L..."

He felt the sleep-coated lips whisper against his chest as they curved into an involuntary smile that melted his heart.

* * *

How was that for a bribery chapter?|  
About the 'making love and sex are different things' bit, I got inspiration from Lady Karai's 'Skywalkers'. I was never able to put those thoughts into words until I read what she'd written. If anyone's interested in the history of that line it's going to be up in 4C.

_Je t'aime beaucoup! ~Minikimii_


	35. Real World: Final Part

Disclaimer: Death Note is not mine.  
Even though I brought it up earlier (I think...) it didn't really hit me so hard as to exactly how close I was to finishing this fic. This is the second to last chapter.  
Holy. Shit.

º___º

* * *

Raito stood behind the door to the left of the stage, nervously adjusting his tie. It was one thing to speak in front of the entire freshman class of his old university, but to appear on public television would be the equivalent of smashing his face into a brick wall and walking into a room full of vampires (not only are you half blind, but you're also being thirsted after like a piece of meat - a more than risky situation).

The brunet picked at the hem of his shirt, something he did quite infrequently, and continued staring at the weighted maroon sheets before him. Busy buzzing from the crowd still managed to leak through the heavy curtains of the stage. There was a chuckle from the small speaker he was wearing in his right ear causing Raito to cough into his fist nervously. Behind him, Soichiro Yagami patted him on the back and offered his son a fatherly grin.

"I can't believe it's all over either."

A simple statement, yet all-encompassing. The other members of the Task Force shared knowing looks with one another, nodding solemnly as they all mentally prepared themselves to enter onto the stage. Even Matsuda had a straight face on. Each of them wore a Kevlar vest beneath their clothing; extraneous safety measures were essential, seeing as how the small force of only a hand full of men had brought down Kira were about to go public into the risk of being attacked by Kira supporters.

_"It's time,"_L's voice instructed from Raito's earpiece.

He nodded to the other men and they signaled for their body guards. Each of the men backstage had white masks to slip over their faces, but they had already decided that every single one of them except for Raito was going to go out into the open with their faces exposed. As soon as Raito had gotten his sugar-white mask secure, they entered with well-armed body guards L had hired from the underground (a detail they'd let slip from the media). If those men weren't enough, Ryuuk would be standing behind Raito the entire time of the conference, looking out for any signs of danger. The male Shinigami had switched places with Rem on their haunting and the female Shinigami had left with Misa-Misa, relieved instead of angry that Misa and Raito had broken up.

Of course, Ryuuk was only there for the two baskets of apples L had promised him.

Lights from the cameras burned brightly as reporters filed into the small room where the press conference was taking place. Stage empty, the crowd murmured in anticipation. A single, thick and tangible thought ran through the crowd:

_"Will we see L?"_

Looking out into the crowd, Raito people were obviously scrutinizing the hell out of the assembled Force, obviously trying to figure out which one was the famed detective. Raito smiled as he entered the stage last, the eyes of many media crew members following him: the youngest member on the Task Force and the only with a name that would start with an L in English.

Raito slowly and slightly awkwardly took his seat in the middle of the line of covered tables on the stage.

Murmurs of confusion ran through the crowd. What was a man wearing a white mask like that doing on the Kira Task Force doing by taking center seat? In fact, who the hell was he? Could it be L? But his body looks like he's barely out of high school! How is that even possible? Is he L's representative? Who is it?

A hush fell over the crowd as the brunet cleared his throat and leaned forward into his mircrophone. The sound came out distorted, a feature L had informed the workers there as necessary for the conference to even take place.

"To answer the first question on everyone's mind, I am not L, nor am I his proxy. I am not to reveal to you who I am exactly, but I can, however, inform you all of what exactly happened during the Kira Case."

With the room silent with only the gentle continuous hum of film rolling, Raito told the story of how L had suspected Kira was in Japan. The story of meeting L, working with L, following the leads until they had discovered how Kira's power was transferred and had stopped the process of transferring at Higuchi. The method of killing was stopped and it was now never able to hurt another person again.

**"How can you be sure that Kira is gone? What sort of conclusive proof do you have?"**

"The mere fact that we are willing to show you our faces on public television should be testimony enough that Kira is truly gone."

It was Soichiro that answered this question, full confidence embedded in his voice as he addressed the reporters in the gathering hall. Another wave of murmurs rippled through the crowd, nearing climax before the question flitting about their lips was voiced by a particularly nasally-sounding woman that looked somewhat like a mouse.

**"But what about the guy in the mask?"**

Raito blanched beneath the mask, his blood running cold and his yes drifting quickly to the back of the room where the conference was being held. A shadowy figure standing there chuckled and pushed a computer's screen to face the stage.

"I am wearing this mask for personal reasons, not because of Kira," he replied simply, the control in his voice impeccable. "Please don't let this sway your judgment of the news we have shared with you."

Murmurs spread through the crowd and another voice piped up.

**"To the sir in the mask: is your walking impairment a direct result from the Kira Case?"**

Raito winced. Was he really still limping from... err... last night?

_"Did it really hurt that much?" _L's voice chuckled from the earpiece. Raito turned a bright scarlet and was thankful that he was the only one with an earpiece and a mask over his face.

"No," he whispered into the mouthpiece on his lapel, "it didn't hurt that bad... well, at least not while we were... err..."

Sensing that the crowd was growing agitated from his lack of response, Raito decided to answer before the questions became increasingly awkward.

"No" he stammered slightly, coughing nervously into his fist, "I slipped in the shower this morning when I picked up the soap."

The explanation seemed to satisfy the public and they continued onward with their questions. L, however, was trying badly to refrain from laughing at Raito through the earpiece and driving the boy absolutely insane. Raito was barely able to control his shaking as the older man began teasing him.

_"Slipped in the shower this morning? Did you happen to land on a certain part of my anatomy at a certain angle while you were falling?"_

Raito's face turned a deep crimson shade as he hushed back, "L, this isn't funny. Do you realize how _awkward_ that was?"

_"Yes, I do. In fact, I can see your ear burning brightly right now. You are more than just a tad too late for Christmas, you know?__ Perhaps I should take the mint leaf off my current cheesecake and prop it behind your ear? Of course, you are far too tall to become a convincing elf..."_

"L," he hissed, cutting off the man's words. "Knock it off! This is a press conference, you idiot!"

Suddenly the entire room was quiet. Soichiro nudged his son in the arm, drawing his attention to the mass of reporters before them gazing up at him with expressions of amusement and utter confusion.

"They asked you what your ties to the Kira Case were," his father hushed, a bemused frown upon his face. "Your answer was... unconventional."

Pushing his mask of collected calm and cool back onto his skin, Raito straightened up his mask and cleared his throat, simultaneously pushing the button on his jacket's lapel to mute the earpiece. From in the back of the crowd, he watched Watari adjusting the computer screen facing Raito ao that the web cam was pointing precisely at the brunet center stage. He could almost see the smile on the elderly man's face as he had listened to their entire shared argument over the shared sound waves.

_Oh shit._

He pressed the mute button once more only to have the combined chuckles of two older male voices assail his eardrum. He winced from the sudden noise and the reporters leaned in closer for a good look. From the earpiece came a louder laugh as one of the reporters asked if he was alright or mentally stable. This was going to be a long afternoon.

- -

Raito gratefully took his black luggage case and hauled it into the back of L's car.

"Do you really have to go to college in England, Yagami-kun?" Matsuda asked, his eyes shining like marbles from the sudden wetness gathering in them. "Can't you just continue at To-Oh University and join the NPA? I mean, you've got so much here for you."

The brunet gave the older, childishly innocent man a grateful smile that climbed up to wrinkle the skin by his eyes.

"Matsuda," he chuckled as the man's head dropped down to face the ground in defeat, "didn't I already tell you? If I've got a chance at being a part of hte NPA here, then why can't I go out to see the world and find out what other kinds of opportunities there are out there for me?"

From the entrance of the hotel's shared suite, L stood, his hands stuffed in his pockets while he raised his foot to scratch his ankle. The lovers locked eyes for a split moment, their upturned lips mirroring each other's subtly before they broke the contact to avoid suspicion.

"Do you really want to leave, though? I mean... Raito, that's not fair!" Sayu bounced in her place between Matsuda and her mother. "Who am I gonna get to help with my homework?"

"Yeah," Raito rolled his eyes, " 'Help.' So that's what the new word for getting someone to practically do half of your work for you before you 'understand' what's going on in your homework at all."

"I guess you're not going to stay after all..." Sayu clasped her hands in front of her lap and tipped back on her heels, a real but saddened laugh lighting the air. "This is goodbye then, big brother."

The college student's face brightened kindly at her words. "You act like I'm dying. Don't worry so much, alright? I'll come back to visit when I get a chance."

His sister nodded, accepting, understanding. Each of the ex-Task Force members each shared with Raito a parting embrace. Mogi took him into a stiff, awkward, bumbling hug and released the younger male, a stern but cracked look on his face as he did so.

Aizawa shook his hand formally, only to be pulled into a tight, uncharacteristic hug by the other man. The air in his lungs held and caught momentarily as Raito squeezed the other man with child-like enthusiasm. After he was released from the hug the two shared a pleasant, congenial grin and parted ways.

On the other hand, Matsuda was the one that simply went up to the younger man and pulled him into a vicegrip between his arms.

"You suck for leaving," he joked, releasing Raito with a pat on the back. The younger man just smiled and moved down to next person in the goodbye line.

"Can't you stay for just a little longer?" his mother urged. "Just a few days to pack up your stuff before you go?"

"No, mother, I can't. Ryuuzaki's bringing people will get my stuff in a few weeks and send it to me."

All he received was a small nod and an accepting smile. Mother and child shared one last hug and Raito picked up his bags from off the floor to leave. As he was stepping away, a hand reached out and grabbed onto his sleeve. Turning around, Raito saw that it was his ex-girlfriend.

Misa was unusually quiet. Instead of the truth, the two had opted to say that they had split up because Misa would be too busy with her career to be able to follow Raito to England and Raito would be too busy with college to spend time with Misa, especially when he wanted to get into the field of Criminology faster than in a mere few years. Raito was the one who ended up hugging Misa and the girl began crying into his shirt sleeve.

"It's gonna be so hard without you!"

Instead of pushing her away, he pat her head soothingly and gave her one last squeeze before letting go.

"I'm sorry, Misa."

The blonde nodded and withdrew from his arms, quickly wiping away the moistness in her eyes with her delicate fingertips. From the hotel floor entrance, L smiled kindly at the group, his face hidden beneath the same white mask Raito had worn at the press conference.

When Raito finished biding goodbye to his parents the entire group turned to face L.

"Goodbye, Ryuuzaki."

Although they didn't say the words together at the same volume or with the same tone of voice, the sounds of their goodbyes each reached L's ears. The sounds of so many different and distinct voices addressing him, all with the same conviction and feeling, caused a smile to form on his face.

"Goodbye, everyone," he responded in a bare whisper. Somehow, he knew they had all heard him.

Giving the group a wave as Raito picked up his bags and joined L, they stepped into in the elevator. Turning around, the pair gave their loved ones a final parting bow/respectful head nod and the double metal sliding doors shut behind them.

- -

The plane trip was dark as the couple had left when it was turning to night time in England. Another patch of turbulence passed around the plane, the brunet woke up and snuggled into the soft surface of a shoulder that he was currently nestled into.

"Did you have a nice nap?" the panda-like man asked him.

"Yeah," he yawned stretching upward and slumping back into his seat. "Won't you fall asleep too, _Lawliet_?"

L chuckled at the use of his true name. It still felt weird to hear the syllables pass through his lover's lips as he had grown accustomed to hearing 'Ryuuzaki' over the past few months. Perhaps he would adopt that as his name? Who knew.

"No, Raito, I cannot sleep tonight," he answered after his contemplative pause. "I slept last night and still do not feel tired.

"It's because of all the sugar you eat. If you don't sleep, you'll never dream." He yawned. "Wouldn't you like to dream?"

"Regardless, of my slumbering frequency, I do not often dream." He stopped and looked down to lock eyes with his lover. "But whenever I do happen to have a dream, they are of you."

_Because that night I dreamt of Matt speaking to me was the night I decided I could no longer try to hate you. _

Raito looked up at his with an unguarded grin lighting his face.

"Really? I'd better thank this Matt guy then."

Then L realized that he had spoken his thoughts out loud. A faint blush lighted his face and he looked down at his lover who had curled up against him and almost onto his lap. L was sitting normally again. Perhaps that was why he had let the slip of the lips occur? After all his brain power was down forty percent...

_It is no use trying to fool myself._ He smiled, as the other man's took his pale hand in his own and began playing with his fingers. _It is because I trust him._

"And I think I'll get back to my nice nap now," the brunet announced, snuggling into L's lap as far as he could before

The raven-haired detective chuckled and pressed his lips against the younger man's hair for a firm few seconds. Within moments, the brunet had fallen back asleep and was breathing in and out lightly, a whistling noise passing through his nostrils with every other breath. He watched as Raito's eyes stopped their movement and slowly began to move again beneath his eyelids.

_He must be dreaming,_ the older man thought.

Without moving more than a few centimeters, L removed the phone from his pocket and hit one on his speed dial. Four rings later, a boyish voice picked up, giggling into the phone.

"Hello, Matt," the detective smiled. "Could you help Roger get our things ready? I am coming home."

* * *

Can you believe it? This was the last Real World chapter of the entire story. It's almost over! I can't believe I'm getting ready to complete my very first multi-chaptered fic! Ahhh!! And I've already planned out what's happening in the last chapter, so... if you're reviewing, tell me how **you** think this story will end! :)

_Je vous aime beaucoup, mes petits choux!  
~Minikimii_

P.S. I'm not lying! There's seriously more to the story after this chapter. :D  
P.P.S. Airlines are now working on technology that allows passnegers to make in-flight phone calls without messing with the plane's inner workings. Of course, if you live in America airline regulations still don't allow passengers to use their cells mid-flight. Some companies are going through the tech trials right now. (L's private jet was bought under Watari's name!)


	36. Final Entry

Disclaimer: I may not own Death Note, but I do own this fanfic.  
I'm saving the Author's Notes and special thanks 'til the end, so let's start reading! Wouldn't wanna keep L waiting, would you?

* * *

Dear Diary,

We have made it to the House and have been living here for three days, which means that now it is a Saturday. Right now, I sit in the very room of the same clock tower from mere a year ago. Before me, the blue-filtered sunlight streams in through stained glass half-circle of the northern clock, so many memories its light falls upon in my head. I can see Raito outside, talking with all the children and playing with them. The contentment in his eyes is so endearing... I find it hard to tear myself away from my spot beside the blue glass clock window.

Who would have known that Kira's reign would be so short-lived? I do not particularly mind though, for less time as opposing forces makes for more time to spend on the same side of the line. More time together...

Arriving home played out exactly how I had expected it to. We stepped onto the grounds of the House in the middle of Thursday night and remained within our vehicle until Roger and Watari gave us the okay to go inside. Like I requested, the clock tower room was prepared for two people. However, it was too difficult to get a second bed into the room. They failed to tell me that bit of information along with the fact that Matt was up in our future living space.

That child is made of devious and copious amounts of devilish, mischievous, impish matter. His eyes lit up when he saw the two of us enter the passageway. I swear that if I had not leapt over to his as quickly as I did, he would have made some sort of dirty joke toward Raito. And just when I thought I had shut him up, he bit my hand and began to suck on the flesh.

Of course, being Matt, he had to make things worse for me than they already were. He decided that it was necessary to give me a kiss on the cheek (extremely close to my lips) as a greeting. Raito got a bit red in the face and quickly strode over to me and yanked me up for a rough kiss. I am not going to lie: I enjoyed that.

However, the action only made Matt laugh and cheer at the both of us. I suppose the kiss was a good move on Raito's part, but I still felt somewhat embarrassed by how bold he was in front of a mere child.

Alas, they are both only children. Even though they are six years apart, I suppose this kind of behavior is to be expected. Who would have known that Raito would be so protective of me?

(I smiled when I saw the box of peppermint cheesecake on the table. To think that Matt even remembered... Still, I would expect no less of him.)

Matt served the two of us as if he were the host of the House itself. I suppose him and Raito did not quite get off on the right foot, because the moment they had begun talking, it seemed as if I was watching an all-out battle between two children. Personally, the entire fiasco was rather entertaining until Matt flung a bit of the cheesecake into Raito's hair. I must admit though, that it was fun for me to have to wash the bits out of Raito's hair for him... that is, until Matt began giggling and snickering at the two of us from by the bed.

I should not have come back the day of their trip into the town. Matt told me he drank two cups of coffee and bought a third for himself last night. It must have been a nightmare to try to get Mello off of his arm, considering what he told me on the plane.

It seems silly to think that it was only a year ago when I lost him. Even though I feel a bit selfish in my finding love again so soon, I know that he would understand. Even though he lost his sanity near the end of his life, he was never unable to feel.

Raito began bugging me this morning by pushing me out of bed. I suppose he wants me to show him around the House tonight, but I must write. Perhaps we should begin designing a more permanent home for our combined residence on House property. A few more years of schooling (from me personally) and I am sure that he will be able to become a teacher at the House and work cases with me?

That makes me think of the Death Note. I suppose it was alright seeing as how Kira is now dead, but we allowed Matt to touch the Death Note and speak with Ryuk. It was an interesting experience to say the least. If I didn't know better, they seemed more like long-lost friends than new acquaintances.

Soon after, we recorded Raito telling himself (and Matt since he had also touched the Note) about being Kira and the entire story of the case. I am not sure how effective that method was exactly, but soon after we created the video, Raito relinquished ownership of the Death Note by burning it. Before we burned the Death Note, we made sure to burn the one Ryuk had on him and the one we took from the police as well. As of this moment, no copies of the Notes exist on earth.

Ryuk had mentioned that the first human who used the Death Note would ultimately have their name written in his own Death Note. Part of me fears for Raito's life because of this detail, but Ryuk also failed to mention that along with losing all memories associated with the Death Note and/or the destruction of the bonding Note where the deal was first forged, all obligation to the beginning bond rule would be nullified. If Raito watches the tape, that would be considered only learning that he was Kira but it would not count as him actually having the memories returned to him.

Personally, I believe this system is rather in effective in the sense that it could be easily abused or misinterpreted, but I do not matter much. For the exchange of Ryuk to be allowed to eat apples from the House gardens whenever he visits earth, he revealed to us a very important part of the function of the Death Note itself: the rules are also subject to the interpretation of each individual Shinigami. Although the rules are all stated in the same way, the wording in Shinigami language is rather cryptic and filled with subtle double meaning. As long as Ryuk continues to be persuaded to interpret them differently, then Raito is safe.

Rem, on the other hand, visited us this morning. We were able to persuade her (but not without great difficulty) to relinquish her Death Note. Apparently Ryuk thinks he will be able to get two copies from their head death god if he brings enough apples back to the Shinigami realm with him. I wonder what that place is like...

As for Misa, Rem has decided to watch her from the Shinigami world. Apparently her life span was never cut short either. Because she was already alive past the date that she was supposed to die, her life span fluxuates with the changing of even the blowing of the wind. That makes death by Shinigami-associated causes impossible. She lost her memory of Second Kira and I doubt that she will be able to become Second Kira on her own again. She might not be an idiot, but she definitely is nothing compared to Raito.

These musings are a bit of a waste of my time. The afternoon is wearing thin and I am starting to crave more strawberry-jelly filled cake. Perhaps I could get Watari to fetch me two slices along with a sandwich for Raito? He looks like he is having fun greeting the children in the back field. Some of the female students will be charmed away by his personality but I suppose that bit is quite unavoidable. After all, if I was susceptible to him I have no doubt that individuals both younger than me and opposite my gender are as well.

When Matt will be finished with his specialty lesson? The YDEs have been over for a while and the teachers have just started to prepare the children for this year's examination, so it should not take too long for him to come back up here. Perhaps I should invite him to bring Mello and Near? I am not sure, but after spending so much time with other people, I find myself wanting to explore social circles more thoroughly.

I actually want to make friends.

Alas, my stomach can no longer go without the improper nourishment of constant sugar. I will go call Watari for a bowl of assorted fruit along with my cake and two sandwiches for Raito and Matt. It is now noon and the two of them should be finished with their respective activities. I have just called for Roger to tell the both of them to meet me in this room for lunch. They will be arriving any minute now with the food, so I suppose I should put this notebook away for the time being.

After all, there is always tomorrow.

_L_

* * *

There we have it. The end of L's Diary.

For those of you who were with me from the very beginning, **ComaWhite.X, Nardaviel, jesus-of-suburbia2o2o, LxLightfangirl4ever, kagomes-wanna-be, Dark Oracle, and especially Black-Dranzer-1119**, thank you. You guys read through the 300-word-long chapters and poorly characterized drafts of L, yet you all stuck through 'til the very end. Thanks so much for reviewing even when some of the writing made me want to rip my hair out. If you guys didn't encourage me with all your kind words, then I probably never would have made this story into what it is today.

The fic 'Cake, Cards, Chocolate, and Cigarettes' is my spin-off of L's Diary. The story doesn't end when L's Diary runs out of pages, remember that.

Also, what does everyone think of an epilogue? I have the plot all figured out for a sequel already too, but I probably wouldn't start it for another year. What does everyone think? Leave a review with your opinion.

Thank you for reading this story to the end. Remember that a writer is nothing without readers, and because of _you_, I have become something I can be proud of. :)

_Merci beaucoup. Ne pas oublier cette histoire, s'il vous plait!_


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